Men aren't children or horses

Everyone who knows me knows that in our household, D is the main cook. 
He’s brilliant AND passionate about it. Me on the other hand, well, in the past I have hated it, so much so that it stressed me out and gave me no joy (at times bringing me to tears…and not an onion in site).

A few months back I was giving a presentation whereby I explained how thanks to Pinterest I had been inspired to enter the kitchen to cook. I was personally really proud of this achievement, as the dishes I’ve tried have made the ‘will eat again list’, and some have even been devoured but the kids! But I was quickly pulled up by someone in the audience who advised that I had made a huge mistake stepping foot in the kitchen, and that once I started cooking and once we we’re married – well, then that was it.  I’d be chained to the kitchen sink.

It quickly became a woman vs man joke with the audience, with me being the butt, so in order to keep momentum, I kinda left it at that. I was nervous enough giving a speech. I didn’t to start an argument with an audience member!

And then it happened again.  I recently attended a workshop, which has been liberating, but made the mistake of saying that I was proud of my efforts in stepping up in the kitchen, and that what made me happy at the moment was seeing D happy when eating the food I have prepared him. I was quickly told that I had made a vital mistake by doing this, and that she could tell me a thing or two about relationships and the way it goes.

Something that jumped out at me recently whilst reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandburg (awesome read, highly recommend the book to all of my women followers) was this:

Anyone who wants her mate to be a true partner must treat him as an equal – and equally capable – partner.  Sheryl Sandburg, Lean In

You see, a relationship is a two-way street. Yes, in the past, the womans traditional role was ‘in the kitchen’ and looking after the home.  But that is no more.

D and I have always gone 50/50 in most things, right from the get go. Household chores, bills – ok, not cooking. Which is why I see it as only fair that I make an effort to balance that out. I mean, IF we want to be treated as equals we must treat others as equals also, right?

I’m pretty sure I’m not being naive. D and I have been together about 9 years. Out of those 9 years I can honestly say D would have cooked for 8 1/4 of those (well, deduct the times we have eaten out or got take out…which is more than I should admit). So getting hitched SHOULDN’T change that. There are plenty who will tell me that it will, but I’m positive it won’t. Maybe I’m lucky. Maybe I’ve scored a ‘good man’. I don’t know. But my word to anyone is this:

Set the expectations early on both sides, and don’t molly coddle men. Men aren’t children, or horses. And I for one refuse to become a nag.

 

 

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