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Men Behaving Badly: Life Lessons
The stories keep coming at us, with a common theme that can’t be ignored: Men behaving badly. Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, John Edwards, and let’s not forget (or excuse) Bill Clinton. Yes, the women involved with these men don’t exactly get gold stars for morality, but they also haven’t upheld themselves as standard-bearers of the public trust. To say nothing of family trust.
As these icky morality plays unfold – almost daily sometimes – I am shocked by how I’m not really shocked. And neither are most women I talk to. Starting at an early age, we women learn as we go through girlhood, adolescence, and young womanhood; lessons that our mothers don’t teach us, but that we all seem to have in common.
Lesson #1: You are in the sixth grade. Your sister runs into your bedroom and excitedly informs you that Steven McCarthy has promised to give her a quarter if she can get you to appear outside. You tell her you will let her have a dime, and you get the fifteen cents. You step out on the front porch, Nancy Drew book in hand, nervously twirling a strand of hair around your index finger. You sit on the steps, read a page or two, then go back inside. You wonder what it means.
Lesson #2: You learn at school which boys to avoid, although they always seem to be the ones lurking in the cafeteria and hallways when no teacher is in sight. They are the ones who snap bra straps, who flick their tongues in and out, and say things like, “Not bad for a chick with no boobs.”
Lesson #3: As early as high school, you learn to avoid walking past construction sites. That is unless you enjoy whistling, suggestive comments, and worse, laughter. Later, in English class, you learn about generalizations, and how you should avoid lumping people together. You decide your English teacher must not know about construction workers. But, of course, you never mention this.
Lesson #4: You have a job after school at a local department store. Your father calls you at work to tell you he can’t pick you up from work, so you’ll have to walk home. Your boss says he will drive you home. He is a neighbor – his wife is friends with your mom, and you baby sit their three kids, so you say okay. On the way home he stops at a liquor store for a six pack. He gives you a beer and you sip it – your first one. You feel a secret thrill, but you are also afraid. When he pulls off on a side road and lunges at you, you wonder why your mother didn’t tell you things like this could happen.
Lesson #5: Your first week at college. In the courtyard near the student union, you notice a lot of commotion. A group of varsity football players is holding up cards rating women as they walk by, on a scale of one to ten. You sneak behind a tree and take a longer route to class to avoid them.
Lesson #6: You are struggling in your first Economics class. You make an appointment to meet with your professor during office hours. While he is explaining the theory, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch,” his hand is suddenly on your knee. He tells you he’s noticed you in class, and you seem very bright. You look at his wedding ring, and remove his hand
Lesson #7: You are interviewing for a job as a waitress. You are broke and have no car. You need a job. The manager asks you to try the uniform on. He and the bartender watch you as you walk awkwardly across the bar in the short skirt and v-neck t-shirt. The bar smells of cigarettes and booze. You smile like you mean it and get the job.
Lesson #8: Your first Real Job after college. Your new boss asks you to get him some coffee and bring it to his office, because his secretary isn’t there yet. You tell him politely and truthfully that you don’t drink coffee, and in fact, never learned to make it. His mouth hangs open for a minute, but he never does ask you again.
Lesson #9: You marry someone who embodies the exact opposite of the traits in Lessons 1 – 8.
