Mental Conversation of a Risk-Taker

RISK... This month's theme for the National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo). The writing prompt for yesterday--which I delayed writing because yesterday was Wordless Wednesday for my blog--asked the question:

"What is the riskiest thing you've ever done? How did it turn out?"

At the beginning of this year, I took the riskiest step in my life.

Rewinding back to December 2012, here is an example of the mental conversation I had with myself before taking the step. As a Gemini, I have a lot of "mental conversations" and I super-size analyze EVERYTHING until it can no longer be analyzed.

As a former worrier, I play out all possible scenes for what can happen with each step I take. When initially thinking about the step I was about to take, I had a mental conversation on the worst case scenario.

Here's a view of a Gemini--on the verge of taking a major risk--and her mental conversation:

 

"I've prayed about this decision and it's time to take it. I've been sitting on the boat ledge for years; the left leg in the boat and the right leg hanging off with the foot feeling the cooling waters.

Now, I'm turning around with both legs dangling and the waters are splashing my legs. The waters are not bad--pretty cooling to my overworked legs

Ease up on one leg and hold onto the boat. Balance. Balance.

Ok, now ease up on the other leg; make sure to hold onto the boat's ledge. Balance. Balance. Let go of the boat. 

[Legs are wobbling. Like a toddler first letting go of the table, I realize I'm standing straight. I'm standing on water.]

Hold your head up. Don't look down. Arms out like you're walking a tight-rope. Take a step, another step, and another.

Get it girl! You're walking on water. 

[Starting to walk with a little strut now]

You don't feel the gusts of wind wilding blowing.

We're beyond the boat now baby....

Is that a shark? I believe... It is! I swear his fin scraped the bottom of my foot. Why is the theme music from "Jaws" playing my head?

The waves are getting bigger and clashing up against my entire body.

God, why did YOU lead me out of the boat?

Where's my life jacket?

You couldn't just let me have a life jacket, huh?

Rely totally on You, huh?

What type of plan is this? Is this Your will for me to get?

I would love to be on the shoreline eating seafood instead of being the sea's food.

Lord, why do You have me out here on the waters and I never learned to.....

**now singing**

(Aqua boogie, baby)
Never learned to swim
(Underwater boogie baby)
Can't catch the rhythm of the stroke
(Aqua boogie, baby)
Why should I hold my breath
(Underwater boogie, baby)
Feelin' that I might choke
(Ha ah, ha ah, ha ah)

― "Aqua Boogieby the funk group Parliament

{I do apologize. That song started in my head as I was writing the "I never learned..." line. This is not the truth; I did learn how to swim. I can't swim in deep waters (or at the 6 foot end of the pool either). And, I digress.}

The storms are raging and I have no one to catch me or nothing to grab hold on.

The waters are taking me under... Help me... Help me... HELP. ME."

 

The term I use to describe a risk-taker is "Water-Walker", like Peter in Matthew 14:22-33 (NIV). In order to have the experience of walking on water, there will be certain risks taken in order to have the experience.

1) The faith to believe water-walking can be accomplished,
2) One's confidence level must be at a maximum level for taking the step out the boat,
3) The tenacity and guts to start walking and not look back,
4) Hawk-eyed focus to keep one's eye on the goal and pay no attention to all the storms around.

In the upcoming posts, I will discuss the riskiest step ever taken in my life. In the process of this risk, I will tell you how the progress is going and if I'm achieving the goal that's in my heart. Please stick around to hear about the progress--the ups and downs in this journey--pray it turns out well. At the end, I hope to hear "well done dear dreamer, well done."

Taking baby steps to becoming a water-walker,

~Angela
Fight. Finish. Faith. (2 Timothy 4:7 NKJV)

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