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Last week I wrote about how destructive the idea of hope can be. It fosters in us the idea that tomorrow will be somehow better, thereby giving us an escape from the present day, along with its joys and challenges.
Hope is closely connected to the idea of control. As we loosen our grip on one, we must loosen our grip on the other.
If there exists the possibility of improving your circumstances (aka “hope for a better day”), then it stands to reason that something must be done to bring that improvement about. As soon as we buy into that logic, it is incumbent upon us to first decide how we’d like things to be, then to figure out what particular stimulus will create that result, and finally to plan and execute the actions we need to take to ignite the process.
One of the many problems with this system is that desire is a moving target. This means that the idea you have today of “a better day” will change. Think about what you wanted five or ten years ago – or maybe even just last year or last month. What was on your mind as your “if only I had” thought? Have you worked hard to make things happen in your life? Did you get what you wanted? Did it produce the result you’d hoped for? Are you more content with life now? How has that desire changed?
Just asking these questions reveals the mercurial nature of our sense of happiness and shows how our need for control runs in tandem with it. The less content we feel, the more we need to feel in control, because control means we have the power to affect change in a specific way.
If I feel content, I have little need for hope. When my dependence on hope has waned, I can release the grip I have on being in control of my life.
So hope fosters a need to be in control, to understand some sort of a system that you can engage that will make things turn out the way you want. But before you invest too much time and energy into getting what you want, ask yourself this: In spite of all the things you’ve wanted in your life – whether you’ve achieved them or not – have you ever stopped wanting?
Peace,
Julie
Julie Scipioni McKown is the award-winning author of the book, Taking the Stairs: My Journal of Healing and Self-Discovery. Download your free preview version here.