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Nordette is a freelance journalist, published fiction writer, poet, and the mother of two children. She is also a BlogHer.com Contributing Editor an...
 
 
 
 

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Midlife Apocalypse: Oprah's Plugging Facebook

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Here's the joke: Even Barbie's had a Facebook midlife crisis. What do you mean who's Barbie? I mean Mattel's Barbie of course! Has Oprah joined her?

17th Annual Women In Entertainment Power 100 Breakfast - Inside

Facebook Midlife Crisis is in the Urban Dictionary also. It's got six thumbs up:

Facebook mid-life crisis

All of the 35-50 year old people that can finally make their own Facebook accounts. They try to reenact what the younger crowd does on Facebook by tagging pics and acting slutty.

A: Dude, your Mom has a Facebook account? She poked me and asked to be her friend. That's weird.

B: Yeah, she is having a Facebook mid-life crisis. (UD)

This is where you make a note to yourself to watch BlogHer Backtalk and answer the question, "Would you friend your child on Facebook?" But first, let's see what Oprah's saying about Facebook. Oprah's over 50. Is Facebook age sliding?

I chuckled reading the following at Twitter.

 
I checked the story out and it's true. One of the hot topics at Oprah.com right now is "The Face Behind Facebook"

In the new virtual age, social networking sites have taken the world by storm. With 175 million users and counting, Facebook has risen above the rest. In fact, if there were a Facebook nation, it would be the world's 6th largest country!

People around the world are reconnecting with long-lost friends and relatives, uniting on common ground from politics to Chia pets. Every day, half a million people join the social network. (Oprah.com)

You don't say!

Oprah had CEO and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg on the show, told her audience "the 24-year-old is reportedly worth close to $1 billion," and then you too can learn Facebook lingo!

I am a member of Facebook, but for a long time I had a page and didn't add friends, upload a real picture, or even visit. I'm active now, but I'm still not keen on all the applications, and that's because I'm getting overwhelmed by more stuff to learn on the Net despite having been online since 1996, back when you could only set up pages if you knew how to hard code HTML.

Also, I laid low online for a while for personal reasons. However, some people avoid Facebook, MySpace, and similar social networks because they have Facebook phobia.

Another reason I avoided Facebook at first was it started as an exclusive site. I wasn't a Harvard student or alum and so the site wasn't open to me. A job forced me to join the site later, had to be on Facebook to connect with certain people. After the job ended, I forgot about the site because I shun elitism and still associated Facebook with that. Not that I have anything against Ivy League schools. My issue was a lingering sense that non-Ivy Leaguers would not be welcomed there, which is not true.

I suppose once Zuckerberg realized Facebook was a goldmine, he shunned elitism as well, opening the site up to more types of groups, the young capitalist.

Being active on the site has benefits such as interaction with people with whom you've lost touch, and it can help you to market a product such as a blog or book, but that wasn't its original purpose. So, you still have to be careful not to spam people. You need to show you want relationships not just a place to hawk your wares. Yet, good information and content is the currency of the World Wide Web; so, if you have nothing to share, you'll be ignored.

There are other reasons people avoid Facebook. Writing her article "Facebook junkie? It must be another midlife crisis," Detroit News Home Life columnist Marney Rich Keenan said:

My daughters set me up with a Facebook account several months ago, but I put off using it until recently. My reticence had nothing to do with the recent flap over ownership of content and everything to do with not wanting to become attached to yet another distraction.

As someone who could make people-watching an avocation, I knew that I would find nirvana in Facebook, that it would hook me in the same way the Bravo channel does when it rolls out another season of "The Real

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Kat Wilder 5 pts

... for finding and referencing me.

As I wrote in my post, I have a love/hate thing with social networks. I spend some time on them, but always wonder, why the heck aren't I e-mailing my friend one-on-one instead of chattering on a "wall"?

Still, I read silly things my friends or their partners offer to the world or pictures they post and I find myself sucked in.

I still believe that Facebook and its ilk never can — or should — replace being in another person's presence, but I am slowly embracing this is how it is ... and will be .... until whatever's next. God only knows what that will be!

Nordette Adams 6 pts

That's whaqt Facebook should be about always, valuable connections that enrich our lives. :-) Thank you for telling us.

Nordette ( http://blogher.org/blog/nordette ): BlogHer CE. Blogs @ WSATA ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com ) & UMBOP ( http://urbanpsalms.blogspot.com ). @Twitter ( http://twitter.com/nordette_verite )

Nordette Adams 6 pts

Few, if any, of my relatives are online at Facebook, and from what I can see, none of the high school friends are, I mean the real friends not the people you nodded to in the hall. My family barely does email. But as a writer, I'm glad I don't hear from my family online. Some of my older family members tend to believe everything I write as being about me and the family.  If I wrote a fiction story ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2009/03/flash-fiction-... ) about a little girl who ran away from home for one night and spent the night in a St. Charles Avenue mansion, I'd get a note from at least one of them asking, "When did you do that?"  You can imagine how some of them would react to a poem about a lover.  "Who is he?" ;-) I don't know if it's that they don't read much fiction/poetry or is it that I strike them as more adventurous than I am.

Nordette ( http://blogher.org/blog/nordette ): BlogHer CE. Blogs @ WSATA ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com ) & UMBOP ( http://urbanpsalms.blogspot.com ). @Twitter ( http://twitter.com/nordette_verite )

Nordette Adams 6 pts

Thank you, Amber, for your comments.

I think all social media in general may stir up high-school memories of trying to fit in with the crowd, especially if you have an emotional investment combined with a business investment of needing to grow your contacts. Even the most confident people sometimes get concerned that they don't fit in.  When life slows down and they happen to notice the phone's not ringing like it used to or if they plan a party and only one person RSVPies, it rattles 'em. Drudged up fear-of-rejection issues can throw us off our game without warning.

Women experience fear of rejection sometimes trying to fit in with new mothers at the toddlers play group.  It seems no matter how old we get, we have varying amounts of it with a sense of inadequacy, but it's strongest in most people during their teens. As we age, some folks continue to be aware of those feelings often, others only in small doses, but it's there and part of human nature.  People claim it doesn't matter, and for some it doesn't, especially if they tend to not be social creatures anyway.

No training in this whatsoever, but I suspect the fear of rejection is a survival instinct, something programmed into us, warning us we're in danger of becoming isolated. Humans are pack animals.  We need other people even when we tell ourselves we don't.

I think producers explored some of these issues well in the Trust Me episode ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2009/03/facebook-tnts-... ) I mentioned to Michelle up top, not just with the father-daughter Facebook thing and his feeling that he was no longer current (relevant), but also with a female character wanting to fit in with her peers. 

I agree, Twitter does feel a bit less clique-ified.  Also, if no one responds to you on tweets, you can convince yourself the site's broken.   Last week Twitter ate five replies to me.  I saw them, clicked away from the page, returned and they were gone never to be seen again.

But generally, friending can feel like work until you realize that it's only the people you care about who matter.  The flip side is great. Sometimes you make new friends who support you. 

Nordette ( http://blogher.org/blog/nordette ): BlogHer CE. Blogs @ WSATA ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com ) & UMBOP ( http://urbanpsalms.blogspot.com ). @Twitter ( http://twitter.com/nordette_verite )

auththenticang 5 pts

I joined facebook because I heard it was good to promote business. My husband caught on and now he is addicted to those online games you can join! Now I sort-of regret telling him about it LOL!

I am glad I joined. I didn't think I would use it much but since I have connected with my best friend from grade school that I lost touch with (as well as an old childhood neighbor) We are now going to get together in the 'real world' not online- so it's a good thing!

Angie Goodloe LMT 10528, Herbalist

http://authenticmama.com/

www.herbalistpath.blogspot.com ( http://www.herbalistpath.blogspot.com )

Debra Roby 5 pts

I've been on FB for a couple years. The first year or so I was fairly inactive; then it seemed that everyone I knew online was there, finding me, friending me, and I got pulled in more.

I am old enough that most of my friends and school mates still are not participating. I'm waiting for that part of my life to catch up. I hear stories from others of how life changes when they reconnect with that schoolmate they thought was snobby, stuck up, or an old lost friend. So far, I've found one person who was one of my best friends until I moved 2000 miles away.

A group of us were talking about FB on Sunday. And we all wondered, if FB is becoming so mainstream, will someone create the next new cool place for the younger generation to populate? And, then, would FB become the new MySpace?

Debra
A Stitch In Time ( http://astitchintime.blogspot.com )
Weight for Deb ( http://weightfordeb.wordpress.com )

AmberS 5 pts

I use Facebook, and there are some things I really like about it.  Seeing old friends' photos is lots of fun.  And I actually enjoyed reading all the "25 Things" notes.  There are also some things I dislike. 

My biggest beef, actually, is the whole "friending" business.  It feels a lot like a high school popularity contest, especially because a lot of the people I seem to be connecting with I know from high school.  It's one reason I prefer Twitter, it feels more open and less clique-y.

And I don't use the Facebook apps either.  I appreciate that some people enjoy them, but they're not for me.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )

Megan Smith 5 pts

Send a poke, catch a butterfly, feed a reindeer, pitch a tent.  It's all too much!

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/

Nordette Adams 6 pts

Send ice cream, join the snow ball fight, put a gift under so-and-so's tree. I hate Facebook aps, and I don't use them. There are at least 75 people who probably think I'm ignoring them because I haven't responded to an ap request.  It's too much stuff!

Thank you, Megan 

Nordette ( http://blogher.org/blog/nordette ): BlogHer CE. Blogs @ WSATA ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com ) & UMBOP ( http://urbanpsalms.blogspot.com ). @Twitter ( http://twitter.com/nordette_verite )

Megan Smith 5 pts

I love the idea of a Facebook Mid-life Crisis. And it's a lot cheaper than a red Ferrari.

Facebook and I are still in the "getting to know you" stage. Personally I have no desire to reconnect with anyone in my past because the people in mý present are so much more fun.

And to connect with them I find Twitter and BlogHer Chatter to be better tools with which to do that. The reason is the simplicity. Facebook has so much info coming at you sometimes I can't deal.

It'll take some time to see how much further Facebook and I get.

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/

Nordette Adams 6 pts

I am just sure not to post any naked pictures of them as babies in my photo albums.

That's just like whipping out the album when the first boyfriend/girlfriend comes calling. You're smart not to do that. :-)

Actually, I don't believe in the Facebook midlife crisis as being singled out from other aspects of midlife or plain old curiosity. But I'm sure there are people out there who've joined websites trying to fit in more with current culture.

I think some people in midlife start to look back and try to connect with missed friends again and that's natural.  As I said in the midlife coffee post ( http://www.blogher.com/midlife-coffee-joni-mitchel... ), midlife is like the god Janus.  The only thing different is social media networks make it easier for us to do that if we choose than it was for our parents' generation.  Quicker results encourage impulsivity. I'm betting there's someone out there who's looked up a high school sweetheart who now wishes she'd never done so.

Whether or not we join a website to be cool and trendy online probably depends on our reasons for being online in the first place and how we feel about ourselves. Tons of folks are online for business reasons and keep their social lives separate in brick and mortar.

Thank you for commenting, Kim.

Nordette ( http://blogher.org/blog/nordette ): BlogHer CE. Blogs @ WSATA ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com ) & UMBOP ( http://urbanpsalms.blogspot.com ). @Twitter ( http://twitter.com/nordette_verite )

BeautifulWreck 5 pts

 I love facebook and really don't care if people think I am cool or uncool for using it. It's been fun reconnecting with old friends and friends from online. And I am pretty sure I am not having an identity crisis or trying to be like the younger generation. As for friending my children on Facebook, they are too young to have an account, but I have friended all my neices and nephews and they do see me as the "cool" aunt. I am just sure not to post any naked pictures of them as babies in my photo albums.

Kim

Beautiful Wreck

http://lotsoflaundry.blogspot.com/

Nordette Adams 6 pts

I think parents should be parents and not act like one of the kids on the block, but when I saw your response, I remembered I forgot to mention TNT's Trust Me episode ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2009/03/facebook-tnts-... ) about one of its characters spying on his daughter's Facebook page.  The post here is already way long, so I posted on that episode at my blog ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2009/03/facebook-tnts-... ).

I like what the daughter had to say to her father, suggesting he'd be more proud of her if she were popular but really teaching him a lesson.

Unlike many of the mothers I encounter online, I have older children. My daughter, who's grown, will friend me online. My son, who's 18, refuses to do any such thing, and I'm glad because I like to say what I think and not worry about him lecturing me later.  He's going through a phase of thinking he's wiser than I am.  He's in for a rude awakening.

Thank you, Michelle.

Nordette ( http://blogher.org/blog/nordette ): BlogHer CE. Blogs @ WSATA ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com ) & UMBOP ( http://urbanpsalms.blogspot.com ). @Twitter ( http://twitter.com/nordette_verite )

Michelle McKinley 5 pts

but yes, you can and should be your kids' friend online, and don't pretend to be anything other than the nerdy parent you are. 

http://superfabuloushousewife.blogspot.com/