MidLife Bloggers - We're Here!
by ByJane

There's a conversation going on at BlogHer that I've been having with myself for more than a year: Where are all the middle-aged women bloggers? | BlogHer? Cecelia over at MetaFootnotes started
it several weeks ago when she introduced herself to BlogHer. She wrote
about trying to find "a voice that I want to hear." That voice is of a
woman in her midlife (fill in the age range yourself; these days when

60 is the new 50 and 50 is the new 40--who knows).

"I'll
admit it. I envy the mommybloggers. Twenty years ago . . . I would have
found those sites a lifeline, a very Godsend. But, despite the obvious
fact that theirs are among the most powerful and prolific voices on the
Web, the Mommys don't speak to or for me. I have different issues now,
and I'd like to talk about them and hear others talk as well."

Cecelia finishes by putting a call out:

"If
you are a woman of a certain age (and doesn't that sound better than
middle-aged?) and know of blogs that talk comprehensively about this
wonderful, frustrating stage of life, please let me know."

Almost four weeks later, we're still talking and the topic is getting
stronger and stronger. I'm going to link at the end to all the women
who have (thus far) taken part in the conversation, but in this post, I
want to highlight a few voices, as well as my own experience.

I've
been blogging for, I dunno, four years now (see how the memory goes!)
and for much of that time I've felt like I am swimming upstream.
Or--here's another metaphor--battering on a door, saying 'Let me in. Hear me. Speak to me.' The
problem isn't ageism. There are blogs out there that speak eloquently
to and for the Elders. BlogHer has a subcategory just for them and Denise, who's the Community Manager at Blogher,
point to that site." However, I am not an Elder. My interests have
nothing to do with issues of getting old and infirm and living on a
fixed income.

My interests are more in line with Tanis, who doesn't have a blog yet (but should!):

"I'm
looking for an arena to be heard and to listen. A place to discuss
teenagers, new relationships and a not so new body, a busy career or
lack of one. Self discovery, confidence, what to wear, family dynamics,
alone time and what comes next in life."

I too want to see
myself on BlogHer. I brought it up last year at BlogHer '07, and I was
told that someone was going to be doing it. But someone isn't. Debra
Roby of A Stitch in Time
says that's because it's too broad a topic. Middle-aged women don't
blog about their issues "any more than young bloggers specifically blog
about what it's like to be a college student, or a quarterlifer." Well
actually, Debra, young bloggers do blog about exactly that.

My
sense is that the reason we midlifers aren't seen and focused on as a
viable community within BlogHer is that the powers that be, the
decision-makers of BlogHer aren't in our demographic. That's somewhere down the line, when I get older, but definitely not now, is what I imagine them saying. Now I'm about getting and doing and being and making and--wow! there's the whole world out there to conquer.

A
good part of that conquering the world is making BlogHer a respected
entity, building it into a viable player within the world of commerce.
The Mommybloggers are at the top of the mountain, an acknowledged force
to be reckoned with in terms of business, and an advertiser's dream. So
in selling BlogHer, it's probably easier to sell them. Except--we, the
midlife women, are a big, big piece of the advertising pie as well.
We're the ones with discretionary income; we're the bigger spenders. So
says Marti Barletta, who's known as the "First Lady of marketing to
women" in her book PrimeTime Women: How to Win the Hearts, Minds, and Business of Boomer Big Spenders. This
was the pitch that I made last summer after BlogHer, and this was the
pitch that I guess was a dead ball. But I'm at it again.

As is Gena, from Out On The Stoop, issued a challenge to someone to "whip up a sample post and show folks what's needed." Karen from MidLife's A Trip, took her up on it. You can read her post as part of the comments here.
She said something in one of her comments that really resonated with
me. "I'm usually one of the oldest on the sites I visit--not a mommy
blogger yet not an elderblogger either. It's kind of like being the
middle child in a family--sometimes you feel like you don't quite fit
in."

That's how I've felt. I'm not done being and becoming. I'm
not finished have adventures, going places, trying and failing and
trying again and, then, succeeding. In short, I'm not done living, and
I want my site, my BlogHer to reflect that.

Here are some other midlife women who feel the same:
Carol at A Different Nest
Jill at Writes Like She Talks
Pundit Mom
Ladybeams
Anali at Analis First Amendment
JanMBSC
Rhonda at Recipe Carousel
Tara at The Princess and The Pea
Diary of a Midlife Crisis
Musing
Tiddlytwinks
Pamela Jeanne at Coming2Terms
Granny Sue

I
can't tell you the exact age range of these women. Some are in their
40s, some 50s, some 60s. I can't tell you what all they write about
either. There is no essential MidLife Woman, just as there is no
essential Mommyblogger. What I can tell you is that they're looking for
something they're not getting right now, a voice, and if not at
BlogHer, then where?

Submitted by ByJane (view blog) on Sun, 03/30/2008 - 17:50
Posted In

Comments

 

Speaking for me...

I left this comment over on your own blog, jane, but something weird happened, so I'm not sure it took.

I just want to respond to your assumptions about, at least, *my* demographic and interests. I am firmly ensconced in the age demographic you are talking about. I'm 44, childless by choice, and can safely say that it's not what I personally am interested in that drives the bulk of BlogHer's activities and content...it's really what the community raises its voice(s) about. 

Which this conversation is a perfect example of.

As Maria Niles often says: The MommyBloggers became such a powerful voice because they made it so. Other topics have followed their lead and done the same. Looks like mid-life blogging has found some champions and is going to do the same. Which is cool.

I kind of agree with Deb Roby in that I don't often think about my perspective on various subjects as being driven by my particular age right now. Perhaps not having kids means I don't feel milestones the same as people who do have kids? I don't know. My mom definitely remarks every time one of her kids hits a milestone...from graduating high school to turning 40. It highlights to her her own aging and changing life. I certainly notice this about my nieces and nephews or even friends, but I'm sure it doesn't feel the same.

I have to mull on that one some more...

Elisa Camahort

BlogHer

elisa@blogher.com

Submitted by Elisa Camahort on Mon, 03/31/2008 - 09:31
 

Elisa: I tried to answer

Elisa:

I tried to answer your comment on my BlogHer blog post, but
I couldn’t find it.  And that’s a good
part of the problem.  There’s a healthy
dialogue about the topic of Midlifers going on at BlogHer with all the
responses to Ms Meta’s initial question posted as part of her Introduction to
the site.  They are featured on the front
page of the site; they’re like mini-headlines. 
 I don’t know why I thought
something similar happened when we posted to the blog.  As I recall, this feature was said to be one
where the bulk of us would have some voice along with the Contributing
Editors.  So when I posted my Midlifers
Blog, I thought it would be seen by the group at large.  That it’s not means that mine is a voice in
the wilderness, so to speak.  If no one
knows I’m there, am I really speaking?

 I so don’t agree with Debra Roby.  For one, she’s claiming that because there’s
no essential Midlifer, there’s no way to speak to her.  Substitute African-American, GLBT, Asian, ,
etc.–would such a statement be tolerable in those cases?  For another, that she doesn’t consider she is
writing from the Midlife position, doesn’t mean she’s not.   She is, whether she recognizes it or not.  Our voices are all a reflection of who we
are, where we’ve been and what we believe. 

 So what does writing about Midlife mean?  Maybe for some, it’s a blog totally focused
on those specific issues.  Me, I’ve never
been able to focus on one thing in my blog. 
It’s my Life Magazine byJane, and the things that are on my mind are a
reflection of my being at Midlife.  Certainly as a MidlifeBlogger, I am not
writing about milestones, but about the day to day stuff that happens: one day
it’s career; another politics; and a third a moan about my age spots.  Generally I would say that what we’re looking
for is a perspective that acknowledges we’re here.  We’re looking for a voice on BlogHer that
speaks to and for us.  And maybe the next
time Dove sponsors a Conference, they’ll hand out samples of Pro-Age, rather
than Sleeveless Ready deodorant.  Okay,
that was a joke, sort of.  But it’s
emblematic of what we’re talking about.  One
of the truths about moving into Midlife is that you find you’re increasingly
invisible.  I must deal with the fact
that men no longer really see me and that twenty- and thirty-somethings tend to
view me as a mildly amusing and/or annoying artifact.  But my own kind?  Politically sensitive and aware women?  That I can’t accept.

 I’m going to post this on my blog and on the Midlifers
conversation and then I’ll go mull some more. 
With reference to Maria’s comment about the MommyBloggers, we will
gladly follow in their lead.  We are MidlifeBloggers—hear
us roar.

 By Jane

ByJane.blogspot.com

Submitted by ByJane on Mon, 03/31/2008 - 14:40
 

Thanks jane, although...

I don't get your first paragraph? Maybe you could email Denise with your question on that, because this comment did show on your blog here at BlogHer, and any blog post you wrote would be treated exactly the same as MsMeta's post, so I'm missing something essential about your first paragraph. I apologize.

There certainly is a chicken-egg element, right?  Particularly with sponsors and advertisers. Luckily we're getting ready to release the results of that big survey we just ran, and I think it will be very interesting for both our community...and the companies that help support the community.

Elisa Camahort

BlogHer

elisa@blogher.org

Submitted by Elisa Camahort on Mon, 03/31/2008 - 14:55
 

And for something completely different

Ok - I told Morra Aarons when I met her in Boston about this so I suppose here is as good a place as any because I think it's emblematic of how many lives any one of us possesses and what I like about BlogHer and not having to pigeonhole myself with a label: i just started menopause. I can NOT NOT NOT believe it - but I am in fact the right age - i'll be 46 this summer.

And when I was at WAM, I felt OLD - like I was the baby boomer and the attendees were my babies (age-wise).

But then it became apparent that I knew as much if not more about tech and other things, and that I had as much curiosity or more than many there - or that I was at a minimum able to keep up with the essential thing about being at that conference: wanting to learn and trying to learn about how to make a difference.

I feel that BlogHer offers a place where my Mommy Blogger, My Jewish Blogger, My Midlife Blogger, My Career-oriented Blogger, My Political Blogger and all the other Bloggers in me can come out.

Maybe I"m a little unique, but it would only be a little: I've seen and heard about how the most "successful" blogs often have a niche, but I just can't constrain myself that way.

HA! I just this minute received an e-mail from About.com titled, "7 Habits That Age Skin Faster." And I deleted it - I always do. lol So then why do I bother getting the e-mails? Yeah - I have no idea!

Ok - very last story about labels and prefering mobility within midlife and within life in general:

In 2006, I went to the Ohio Democratic Party's annual dinner where Barack Obama was the keynote. He'd bought a table for bloggers but I didn't want to be seen as taking the free seat so my husband and I paid for tickets, sat elsewhere for dinner and joined my blogging buddies at the blogger table when Obama came over to answer our questions for about 20 mins.

Well - like many organizations, at that time, the ODP didn't know what they wanted to do with bloggers - are they press? media? what? And the people staffing the event were equally clueless even though we were given privileges like the MSM.

I will not bore you with the story, but you can go here and read it - about the middle to the end is where I talk about how I outright rejected being labeled a Blogger - because I'm also a social worker, a mother, a lawyer, a wife and, most importantly for that event, an Ohio VOTER. :)

It's nice to know where you are, but I think we can do ourselves a disservice if we over-identify. Not to mention that the surest way to age more quickly has to be thinking that you are in fact aging, even when your activities and interests indicate the same level of engagement as during any other prior part of your life.

Thanks for indulging me.

Jill
Writes Like She Talks

Vote for Favorite Female Blogger 

Submitted by Jill on Mon, 03/31/2008 - 15:43
 

midlife bloggers, using our own identities

Onedia Hayes Sylvest

I am a midlife blogger and I blog freely and openly as my true self which is part of the draw of blogging.

I was a mom, naval officer, second career woman, wife, daughter, and so forth. Now I am doing and becoming more of my true self because I have no restrictions on what I say here except that of my own sense of good manners, my moral conscienc, and my agility of wit and words.

I write about topics that matter to me, that tweak my interest, that raise my hackles, or tickly my funnybone. Although writing is a creative outlet  and intellectual balm,  I don't write just for myself. I want the interaction of other people who will weigh in on my topics and challenge my way of thinking. Without readers this is as useful to me as a bicycle with no wheels.  

With the exception of my husband, my best friendships are on these pages, I am something of a nomad and move on about every 5-7 years. Any friendships I have depend on those people being internet savvy and intellectually stimulating with a willingness to engage in global conversations from imaginary verandas.   Those who are not get the odd email or phone call and an occasional rendevous of convenience.

So, Midlife Bloggers, I am here sitting on my veranda waiting for conversation. 

 

 

 

Submitted by ozarkso on Sat, 04/19/2008 - 10:15