Midlife Cabernet: Why was I Irritated when a Woman Hugged my Husband?
Last evening Studley and I were at a social function at an upscale wine bar. He was sitting at a table chatting with people and I was standing talking with others. Suddenly a young blonde (of course, it was a young blonde) came up behind him, put her arms around him, and gave him a bear hug. They laughed. I left the room.
I’m shocked at MY reaction. I practically reek of self-confidence and I’m not THAT woman – the one who demands total attention and pathological allegiance from her paranoid spouse. I regret not going over to her male companion and smashing up against him with a warm hug and whispering into his ear, “Want a hug from a REAL woman, Handsome?” Two can play at this game, Blondie.
I don’t know why the action bothered me and I turned into a junior high mean girl. We have a tight, loving relationship and I never worry about his loyalty or devotion. I am grateful for our commitment to each other. And in his defense, he didn’t know she would do that.
So, why did the young blonde upset me?
They used to be co-workers and that’s okay. I’ve worked more with men than with women. But they never hugged me like that. In business, professional women and men do the “side hug” to avoid full-body contact or resort to the safe, unassuming handshake.
Maybe I should try blonde streaks in my hair?
Is it an age thing? I am older than Studley – but that’s okay, too. Women live longer so we should balance out the statistics. And I look young for my age. I think.
She was thin and I gained some weight over the holidays and I feel pressure to look good. But, that shouldn’t matter. Right?
This pitiful insecurity is making me crazy. I relish the opportunity to rise above the common human frailties of jealousy and self-doubt. After all, I’m a motivational speaker. But maybe that, too, is just a fraud?
See how it happens? Women are too harsh on themselves, too ready to believe the worst, and too eager to take the blame. On the ride home, I expressed my feelings to Studley. He laughed and said it was nothing. Then he apologized for not recognizing that what he perceived as an innocent action could bother me. Eventually we agreed and everything is all better now. At home he brought me a glass of wine and winked at me. I can live with that.
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