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My two year old son never ceases to amaze me. On a daily basis I am surprised by the vastness of his vocabulary and the way he grasps concepts that I never imagined he'd comprehend at this age. Although this stage of his development has been frequently referred to as the terrible twos, I honestly am enjoying him more and more on a daily basis. I love having conversations with him and enjoy seeing how he processes the world around him. For the very first time I've truly ached for him when I've been traveling. And I always welcome him with open arms when he wants to shower me with kisses and hugs. The memory of his cuddles sustains me while I am away.
As he grows into his own person, I have started to think about the possibility of sibling for him. A three year gap between children will be perfect, in the event that I successfully conceive my son will likely be out of diapers by the time another child is born. Also, I am quickly approaching 40 and I doubt that I will be having any babies after forty. Although, I admit that I will never say never, in my wildest dreams I didn't imagine being predicted a first time mother in my late thirties. When I analyze my reasons for desiring another child, they vary. On the one hand, as an only child I am all too familiar with the feeling of longing for a playmate when I was growing up. As an adult, I am the sole provider of care for my mother in the even that she gets sick and as she ages this becomes a real concern for me. Since I am an older mother this is a real concern because my son will have parents that are advanced in age and having a sibiling will help remove some of the burden of care from him. I also realize that with an additional child there are additional expenses and given the current state of the economy that is a real concern. I also have to be honest with myself and question if I am up to revisiting the newborn phase when sleepless nights were the norm. Sleep is so valuable and quite fleeting when new babies are involved.
As I contemplate all of these reasons for having another child, I sometimes wish I had done things differently. There are many moments when I am envious of my friends that got the baby making out of the way in their late twenties and early thirties but then I realize that the grass is always greener on the other side. When my close friends were nursing babies I was busy living overseas, exploring the world and building a career. My experiences have freed me at this point to look back and relish in my accomplishments while enjoying this period in my life.
Obviously this is not a decision that I can make alone, my husband has input too. But I can't deny the feelings I have of longing when I see babies and regardless of all of the challenges that come with a baby I really want to have another child. The conversation has started and we will see what the new year brings.
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