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Stop me if you've heard this one before - and yes, you 've heard this one before - but if you're a mom, and you spend time on the Internet, you might have a problem. A mental health problem. An addiction.
You know the signs. You've got to have it. You want it all the time. You don't know how to live without it. You get all shaky when you can't get your fix. Never mind the dangers of dependency on mother's little helpers like Ativan or Xanax or vodka or coffee; those are kids' stuff compared to the Internet. The Internet will eat you alive and spit you out and wipe you up with a dirty baby wipe. And there's no methadone for this monkey, so. This addiction is bad news. Everyone says so.
Which, please.
I understand where the folks who are sounding the alarm are coming from. Rachel Mosteller of Parenting.com was anxious about how much time she was spending with her laptop open, relative to the amount of time spent with her kids (she notes that in almost all the photos of her children in babyhood, she's got a laptop open. Hell, at least she's in the pictures, which is more than I can say for myself.) So she quit blogging, and made an effort to power down. I get that. I've had moments of feeling oppressed by the Internet, and have come close to quitting blogging. So I understand. Who among us mothers - us technophiliac mothers - hasn't felt as though we maybe depend upon the Internet a little too much? Sure, maybe we love it a little too much, sometimes.
But addiction?
Mosteller says yes. And she cites experts that support this view. "These moms," she says, "are contributing to a growing global addiction. There's a
movement among psychiatrists to recognize Internet addiction as an
official mental disorder (just like alcohol dependency)."
"These moms" are, apparently, new moms. Moms who are desperate for an outlet, for a break from baby, for resources, for some approximation of community support at a time when they need it desperately. Moms who feel like they might be going crazy. Moms who are - for all relevant purposes - alone, and who are anxious. Moms who need a network. The Internet provides networks - and an outlet, and resources, and the opportunity for a break that can be had with baby at your side, and community. Those things can be lifesaving. They were for me, just as they have been for many other women (Ayelet Waldman, for one. Heather Armstrong, for two. All the women that Katherine Stone is gathering together for an online rally in support of moms' mental health, for dozens more. A probably a gajillion other mom-bloggers that you can think of. We're here for our sanity, people.)
So while I do get the concern - my baby smashed my laptop the other day and I have seriously gone through tremors and cold sweats and shakes while figuring out how to ohmygod get my ass back online, like, yesterday - and do think that anyone who is worried about addictive behavior should maybe keep an eye on it, I think that the goods outweigh the potential harms here. Way outweigh the potential harms.
But then again, I'm the Internet equivalent of a speedfreak, so what do I know?
What do you think?
Catherine Connors blogs as Her Bad Mother, where she's been struggling - and failing - to come to terms with the fact that she's got her boobs back. She wanted them back, for sure, but still: at what cost?
