A Mile In My Shoes

It’s fun sometimes for me to look back at old blog posts to read what I was doing and saying a year ago.

Like a year ago today I recapped the walk to Fire Island.

onion rings

The onion rings were totally worth the walk to Surf’s Out on Fire Island. Possibly the best onion rings ever in my life.

So many posts often get lost in the blog shuffle but every now and again, I will suddenly recall a post I wrote way back in the day.

Last Friday night, when I was out with my friends for happy hour, I remembered one post in particular.

As you know, I went through my divorce a bunch of years ago. I was the first of my friends and really the first person I really even knew to go through the divorce process.

As I made the transition from married life to single life, my friends were so supportive and encouraging even though they had no experience with what I was going through at the time.

It wasn’t easy. Aside from the legal stuff, your whole life changes. And, as outgoing as I am, the party girl - happy hour - dating scene was never my thing.

My friends encouraged me to go out anyway. So I did. And when that novelty wore off, as much as my friends tried to relate and understand, they still insisted that I kept going out even though I really didn’t enjoy it.

My friends didn’t get it. They weren’t living my life, they weren’t divorced and they didn’t know how I felt or how it feels to suddenly not be married anymore.

And, even before my divorce process started, plenty of people had what to say about my decision to possibly save something that others felt wasn’t worth saving.

There’s that old saying Walk A Mile In My Shoes.

Although really we should be calling it Run A Mile In My Shoes.

I used the saying as the title of a post I wrote last year which I want to share an excerpt from with you today.

The post was sparked at the time by the sexting and online relationship drama surrounding Anthony Weiner and his run for Mayor of New York City.

Throughout it all, his wife stayed by his side even through the media frenzy involving segments devoted to the how and why she would as well as polls questioning what you would do in her shoes.

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I won’t even entertain the details of this situation or what I would do in her place.

I don’t want to know what you think or what you would do either.

The truth is, none of us know what we would do in her place or in anyone’s place in any situation until we are put into that situation for real.

You may think you know, but you really don’t.

All too often, people offer their opinion on subjects they don’t know about, can’t relate to and even if they can, assume someone else should be doing something different.

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I never pay much mind to what others think. If I did, I probably wouldn’t run as much or be a vegetarian.

Let’s face it – carnivores can’t understand vegetarians.

They don’t understand how or why you gave up meat and poultry and heaven for bid, if you give up fish and oh my goodness dairy too, why the heck you would want to be vegan.

Does it really matter to you what someone else eats?

And running?  The how’s and why’s of all those miles overwhelm and shock those on the sidelines.

Does it really matter to you how many miles someone else runs? Or how early and often someone else gets up for Cross Fit or yoga?

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So that happy hour I mentioned from last Friday?

We were mainly there because one of my best friends is actually going through her own divorce process now.

It was time for her to take the advice she once gave me and get out for a beautiful summertime happy hour on the town.

prime happy hour

…And she was a deer in headlights.

Within five minutes she looked at me and said, “Thank you for showing me what this is like. It is quite an experience and now I understand why you felt the way you did about it. I am ready to leave when you are.”

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