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Last year, when Bravo debuted The Millionaire Matchmaker, a reality show about a matchmaking service for millionaires, I cringed. (More accurately, I believe that I screamed, "Oh, hell no!" when a commercial for it ran during one of the many America's Next Top Model marathons that I cannot stop myself from watching, even when I've seen them already, but I digress.) I expected a show fixing up horny old men with nubile money-grubbing ladies. Not something my proud, fist-raising feminist self exactly endorses.
The first episode that I "saw" confirmed my low expectations. The show played out on one of the many TVs set up at my gym to offer mindless entertainment to help people forget that they are exercising. I saw the matchmaker (who I could not help comparing to Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof - no one can measure up to the legendary Yiddish star Molly Picon) yelling at a young woman that she needed to get her hair done more fashionably and dress better or else no millionaire would ever love her. Great. Because indulging the gross middle-aged guy's fantasies are important. I turned away from the TV in disgust, humming:
Hodel, oh Hodel
Have I made a match for you!
He's handsome, he's young!
Alright, he's 62.
But he's a nice man, a good catch, true?
True.
(Seriously, what a wonderful song...)
From then on, I ignored the show. Once in a while, I made faces when Patti's ads popped up on my TV. Then one afternoon, I was in such a foul mood that I figured that not even watching a show about rich men ogling hot women could make me pissier. I was right: instead, I discovered that Patti was nothing like I thought she was. I sat through four back-to-back episodes, nodding along with Patti's wisdom.
Yes, the show does railroad women into keeping their looks up for the menfolk. Yes, there are plenty of silly rules and reinforcement of gender roles. However, Patti and her crew also took said menfolk to task for having unrealistic expectations about women, women's sexuality, and women's bodies. She fought with all her soul against the ageism she encountered from her egomaniacal clients. She berated a man for making decisions with his penis that were not good for him. (Paraphrase: "Can we stop talking about my penis?" squirmed the short middle-aged man who insisted that a sizzling woman in her 20s was all he would consider. "Not until you put it away and use your brain and heart," she fiercely replied. I giggled.) She empathized with some older women about how hard it can be to find love in LA.
I loved her tough, equal opportunity talk. While she reinforces some gender roles, I noticed that she encourages people to break others depending on the situation. Interesting.
Patti also revealed her own insecurities and vulnerabilities. She's in her 40s and does not seem to be a size 00. When she posed for the cover of her new book, she worried about how she looked. Her staff kindly reassured her that she was fine as she was. Then a female client attacked Patti's looks, and my heart melted. It only made Patti more determined to help the woman find love.
Incidentally, Patti is crafty. She blows up her clients' stupid notions of love and sexuality by giving them exactly what they ask for. When it doesn't go well, they thank her for showing them that love comes in all sizes and doesn't always like to use stripper poles in the living room.
All in all, I thank goodness that I found my match, and don't live in LA and have to deal with the unrealistic standards that women face over there. (Not that NYC is perfect, but it's a lot better, I think. Walking around midtown in bikinis would be frowned upon...) If I was a single lady living in LA, though, I would turn to Patti to look through your book, find me a find, catch me a catch. She gives Yenta a good run for her geld, and I feel like my feminist values are safe in her capable hands.
Other women bloggers discuss whether the show is a match for them:
