Mind Games

No.

I refuse to open my eyes.

If I don't open them, I'll still be asleep. I shut them tighter.

I'm asleep. I'm asleep.

But I'm not.

I hear the soft snoring of my dog.

The deep breathing of my husband.

But I won't look at the clock. Too much pressure.

I have to pee.

Sigh.

A sleepy eye peers open. Automatically glance at the clock.

Shoot.

2:59am.

Okay, fine. I will go to the bathroom, but that's IT.

Then I will fall right back to sleep. 

Shuffle to the bathroom in the dark. Refrain from turning on the light. Hope I hit the toilet.

Shuffle back to bed. Climb in. Pull the warm covers over me. Settle back in.

Listen to the rhythmic breathing of my husband.

Briefly consider kicking him so he would be awake too.

3:33am.

IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET OVER A HOUR MORE SLEEP.

But it has to be RIGHT NOW.

Sigh.

Sigh louder, hoping it will wake up husband-that-I-did-not-kick.

Dog sighs, annoyed with my disruption of his sleep. Stands up, turns in circles, settles back into a deep sleep within seconds.

Great. Now I am jealous of a 20 pound lump of fur at the bottom of my bed. 

Glance slyly at the clock. Daring it to tell me it's time to get up, that all of this has been a dream.

3:47 am.

IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET A HOUR AND TEN MINUTES OF SLEEP!

I need to remember to pack my gym clothes for after work.

The to-do lists starts unfolding in my brain like an unstoppable force.

My sleepy eyelids fight it.

No! It's not time!

I AM SLEEPING!

Roll over and check my e-mail from my phone. Maybe this will wake up the husband-I-did-not-kick.

It doesn't.

Wonder about my day. Will my clients show up? How cold out is it?

No! GO BACK TO SLEEP.

Glance wearily at the clock.

4:25 am.

IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET A HALF HOUR OF SLEEP!

Start counting backwards in my head.

Picture a pathway that I am walking down.

The mind games I have played with myself are finally tiring my brain out.

I begin to drift back to sleep.

Just in time to wake up.

 

Read more of our blog at

http://sothisisloveinmaine.blogspot.com

More Like This

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.