Miscarriage For Family Or Facebook?

I always say I joined Facebook at the perfect time in my life. It was December 2007, I was about to turn 30 and I was engaged to be married. Not the least bit salacious.

If Facebook had been around when I was a teenager, I'd fear for my future. Let's just say that restraint wasn't one of my strong suits in high school and neither was discretion. Besides incriminating photos of me doing a keg stand or a bong hit, I would have been just the kind of girl to have a very public breakup on my wall.

There have been many milestones for me to celebrate on Facebook such as my marriage, my pregnancy and most recently, the birth of my son. But when I got pregnant in 2009, my husband and I made the very personal decision not to share the exciting news with my 600+ friends on Facebook until we got through the dreaded first trimester.

However, I have learned that waiting 12 weeks to announce your pregnancy on social media sites is not the norm. Gina Crosley-Corcoran, the author of the popular blog The Feminist Breeder, announced the news of her most recent pregnancy on Facebook with a photo of the pee stick.

I also have friends on Facebook who have shared the news of their pregnancy the minute the pregnancy test read positive. For most of these women it was their second pregnancy. Some carried the baby to term. Others did not.

One of my closest friends had miscarried twice before finding out she suffers from a blood clot disorder. By the time the doctors figured out how to manage her condition, she was pregnant with her third baby. She kept a very low profile on Facebook up until she gave birth one week ago to a beautiful and healthy baby boy. Now she is like every other mom, proudly posting photos on Facebook of her long awaited bundle. I understand completely her desire to keep a low profile on her wall pre-baby. She was scared and did not want to have to grieve publicly. I couldn't blame her.

My college roommate announced her miscarriage on Facebook earlier today:

This fucking kills me but we found out the baby has no heart beat today..............and now I just have to wait to miscarry it!!!!

And while this posts' focus is about Facebook, Penelope Trunk, a blogger who shares almost every detail of her life over the Internet, shared news of her miscarriage in a Twitter messag two years ago:

I'm in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there's a f**ked-up 3-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin.

If women can announce the blessings in their lives on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, as I did the birth of my son, then that begs the question why women should have to stifle the loss of a child from these sites.

I would personally save the news of a miscarriage for my family and not my 700 Facebook friends, but that's not to say I might not blog about it. In my thinking, sharing something private with my blog community is vastly different than posting a Facebook status update.

Miscarriage is something women should not have to feel shame and condemnation for. My college roommate reminded me of that today.


Where are you willing to draw the line when it comes to sharing personal information on social media sites?

~Reedu blogs at ReeWrite and The Huffington Post. You can follow her at @Reedu.


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