Misogyny Kills

Dear men "boys" pawing a woman, invading her personal space, and being overtly sexually is not the way to meet and get to know lady. Oh you say your goal is merely to have sex with her, well that approach is not going to work with most women. Sure some may go for that but it is a grave mistake to think that all women want to be approached in that manner. You are guaranteed to strike out more often.


These incidents are recent but there have been numerous. At times it is too much and I get really down because men--younger and men my age act as if I am something to conquer or an object to win.  

My friend who is a 36 years old knows exactly what I am talking about. She dismisses it because she says, "That's how all young guys behave." Well something is seriously and tragically wrong if men think that meeting a woman is all about touching her, sexing her, and disrespecting her. Men seem to have no idea how to socialize, make friends and enjoy entertainment. Older men 40s and 50s aren't as blatant with the touching, grabbing, grinding business but they sure want to fuck in a hurry--they don't even want to know a thing about you.  When you don't want to go home with them, they are puzzled, absolutely mystified that you don't want to have sex with THEM. Saying no to their invitation for sex means you will not speak with them or see them again. I say good riddance.

I don't know what else to say except to say that this has been on my mind heavy since last fall. I tried to put it to words before but mainly I just kept analysing and thinking about it. Wondering, how can men...human beings...be so shallow and devoid of ability to communicate.


These incidents and many more have left me disillusioned and no longer wanting to make friends with males because I have learned that they don't want to have friends or build relationships. I am very cautious and keep things on a very superficial level.

I have the dance friend who I enjoy social dancing with (e.g. Salsa, Zouk, Swing). We have a great time out dancing and that is the only time I see him. We both recognize that we dance well together and we both want to improve. So we talked and decided to try to practice together. At that point I had known this man, through dance, for 3 months seeing him 1-2 times a week. We agreed to practice at his house, he has the space and wood floors. Based on his directions and clues I was looking for a long driveway as well as the address. Turns out his driveway is very short, not really a driveway at all, it fits one car. I enter his home and we start practicing. Twenty or thiry minutes go by and we pause to seek out new moves to try and there is general chit-chat.  I said something about, "I thought you had a long driveway. I was looking for a looong driveway." He looked puzzled and said, no I don't think I said anything about a driveway. I laughed and said, I don't know where I got that from. He checked his texts and sure enough he did not say anything about a long driveway. We get up to dance and once in closed position he starts trying to kiss me, his breathing is heavy, and I can feel he has a boner. I pulled away, shaking my head no and said, "Look I am here just to dance. That is all I came for, I just want to dance!" He looked so surprised and said, "But you said all that stuff about a looong driveway."A few more words were exchanged he abjectly mumbled, "Girls!"

Ladies and gentlemen I just felt sad for him and thought how pathetic. How does a sentence about a long driveway translate into I want to have sex, put the moves on me. WTF?!!! We had a frank discussion. My goal was not to embarass him but to honestly make him see how far fetched and flawed his thinking was. He took it in stride. We are still dance friends. We dance together at events but there is no more practicing.

I shared this last incident because it is a good illustration of the kind of mindset I as a woman come up against whenever I go out.


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