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You’d think by now that Miss America would have figured out by now that waterproof mascara is the way to go. The contest has been around for 90 plus years. But, no – she didn’t get the message. 2012′s Miss America was crowned tonight. No spoilers here, but I will share the highlights. The Miss America Pageant has been around since 1921, crowning young women selected to represent the country’s ideal. What better place to host the pageant than the Las Vegas strip? That place screams classy and girl-next-door. This year, there were 53 contestants, which is confusing to me because I thought we had 50 states plus the District of Columbia. The cheesy intros are pretty awesome, where each woman introduces herself in one sentence and tries to be original and/or funny. This year, the contestants were split into groups and danced, flash-mob style, at nightclubs and on the roof of buildings. Here’s a sampling of tonight’s crop of contestants: Miss Arkansas: ” I consider it a compliment to be called a hog.” Iowa: “From the state that picks both corn and presidents, I am Miss Iowa.” Miss Kansas: “My home is home to some great characters – Amelia Earhart, Dorothy, and me. I’m Miss Kansas.” Miss Massachusetts: “From the state that brought you the chocolate chip cookie and my favorite sweet treat, Mark Wahlberg, I am Miss Massachusetts.” Oregon: “From the home state of Nike, here tonight to ‘just do it,’ I’m Miss Oregon.” West Virginia: “Like a Vegas buffet, my state has enough natural gas to power our nation – I’m Miss West Virginia.” There was lots of gratuitous grapevining. Then the judges made the first cut. Let me take a moment to talk about the judges. Where did they find them? The airport? There was a star of a Univision telenovela, a coach on “The Biggest Loser” whose name I don’t remember, Dancing with the Stars’ Mark Ballas, the creator of “The Bachelor” (and Heidi Fleiss’ brother), Mike Fleiss, and Kardashian momager, Kris Jenner. Blah, blah, blah. The swimsuit and evening wear competition. But then things got really interesting during the talent portion of the evening. I thought it was just going to be ballet en pointe, opera singing and piano playing, but I was wrong! There was ballet en pointe, opera singing, piano playing AND random fun facts about the various contestants that appeared, pop-up video style, throughout the performances. (I guess ABC wanted people to watch the whole show and not just fast-forward through the boring parts to make it a 15-minute telecast.) Here were some of my favorite “fun facts” about the contestants. Miss California has 800 Twitter followers. Miss Louisiana almost swallowed a diamond. Miss Illinois performing ballet en pointe Miss Illinois would be pee herself if she ever visited the Netherlands. Miss Oklahoma performing an Irish step dance Miss Oklahoma knows how to give a cow pedicure. Miss Tennessee singing "Memory" from Cats in Italian Last time I checked, Justin Bieber is a minor, so Miss Tennessee better watch herself.
