Mister Maybe's Thoughts on Babies

It takes two to make a baby (who knew?), and two to make a baby decision. Now that I’ve been spouting off for a while, I thought you guys might like to hear what Drew thinks about all this. Here it is, in his own words:

We’ve decided to decide together

It always surprises me to find out what couples don’t talk about.  I’ve met people who have gotten married and haven’t discussed and agreed on philosophies of money, family and most importantly, LATE NIGHT FAST FOOD!  This all just seems like a recipe for future friction fracturing a…family?.  (yep, I just did that)

So this is the part where you say, ‘hey stupid, sounds like you didn’t agree on the baby thing either’.  But one thing we did agree on before we got married is that we would decide together.  If Liz told me tomorrow that she wanted kids, I’d fire up the Barry White machine and we’d get to work.  And she likewise, no problem.

So, that’s our understanding.  We’ve agreed that neither of us would be utterly crushed with either outcome, so we’ll wait until someone feels strongly about it. And if the day comes where one of us wants a kid, and it’s still physically possible, we’ll do it.  If it’s not possible or safe, we won’t and that’s the day I’ll go out and buy a Porsche and we’ll enjoy the hell out of the rest of our lives together.

I think that’s pretty rare for a couple, but I’m pleased to say that this is the fact of our marriage. It may seem strange that we could both be at peace with either side of a wildly life-changing decision, but

Life is a lot easier when you’re a happy person

I’ve had some crappy things happen to me in my life and I’ve also made some boneheaded decisions, but I’m happy because I want to be happy.  I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s that easy.

Unfortunately, this makes the Maybe/Maybenot decision a little tougher to nail down, because I don’t feel like there’s an outcome that will make me unhappy.  This flexibility has complicated many decisions in my life.  It’s not that I don’t care about things; it’s just that I know that whatever I choose, I’ll end up feeling good about it.   And something that was right for you ten years ago may no longer be right for you now because

People change

Our haircuts, our career goals, our desires. I mean, take a look at me through the years:

4 years old: Chili Bowl haircut , 54 lbs, wants to live at home with mom forever, hates egg salad

17 years old: Gelled up hair, 185 lbs, wants to be an airline pilot, has $24 to his name

25 years old: Shaggy locks, 230 lbs, is a Project Engineer, wants wife and at least two kids, has $24 to his name

32 years old: Legendary hair, 215 lbs , is a Sr. Project Engineer, has wife…kids?…hmm…those are the noisy, really expensive things, right?

Someone famous said that the only constant in our lives is change.  We change physically and emotionally, our tastes change and our life (hopefully) goes nowhere near where we planned it when we were 17.  Would you want to live the life that you thought would be awesome when you were 17?  I hope not.  You’d now be married to that idiot who never left your hometown and works at the carwash.

The greatest things to occur in my life happened because my original plan failed…  Well, not failed, just went differently.  When things didn’t go as planned, it doesn’t mean that they necessarily went bad.  Think penicillin.

People who knew me when I was 17 wonder how I can now consider not having kids.  ‘How could you change your mind about something like that?’  ‘It’s a carnal instinct, once you have it, how can you shake it?’

The simple answer is that I never even thought about the possibility of not having kids.  I come from a tiny town in Indiana where people don’t consider being Childfree.  I’m not sure I knew anyone of child bearing age in the Midwest who didn’t decide to have kids.  But now we do, with 20% of the population going Childfree these days, and it makes more sense for us to stop and consider the question ourselves.

Hopefully I’ve satisfied a little of the curiosity about Mister Maybe’s thoughts on all this. I feel like Doogie Howser behind his 1988 IBM brand (only rich kids had real IBMs) computer, writing down his thoughts at the end of the episode. But of course, this episode is nowhere near over. Hopefully by then, Vinnie Delpino will have swooped through our bedroom window to help with the decision.

In any event, the saga continues, but one thing I’m sure of (that maybe Liz isn’t) is that I won’t regret whatever decision we make.

Want to read more? Visit my blog at: www.maybebabymaybenot.com

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