Modern Family, brought to you by USA Network


>> Everybody in the house.
>> Who wants to come with me this evening? I only have two tickets so somebody will be disappointed.
>> Everybody follow the birthday boy.
>> If you want to play, I'm not going to hold your feet to the ground. I want to be the one to push you off the cliff.
>> I had this mental picture of the family that if I was lucky enough, one day I would end up with a perfect wife, perfect kids. Guess what? I didn't get any of that. Wound up with this sorry bunch. I'm thankful for that every day.
(Music Playing)
>> KAT GREENLEAF: I'm going to assume this room is packed with Modern Family fans, correct? Awesome. So, Modern Family  that was really a rookie move. Modern Family is coming in syndication to USA this fall. We are thrilled. My name is Kat Greenleaf. I host a show called, Talk Soup on NBC and now host Daytime on USA Network. I am also a proud mom of a Modern Family myself. We adopted to sons, domestically, the most fabulous  he is 4 1/2 and his, even better younger brother, Truman Ray who is 1 1/2. And it's such an honor to be part of USA because they celebrate characters, and now celebrating modern families, and that's what they are doing here today, talking about the Modern Family. To do that, I want to get a sense of the audience. Raise your hand if you say, my family is totally normal. We are not nuts at all.
Anyone got a normal family? How about anyone who can say, my family, you know, we are boring. We are not bizarre, we are boring. Boring? Okay. How about this? My family is modern. We are not traditional at all. Who in this house has their own Modern Family? Everybody? Good. You come to the right panel. This is about the Modern Family. And while we all know about our own little modern families, we here at USA have our own resident expert on what actually a Modern Family is these days. Madam? Please come up. This is the fabulous Melissa Lavigne Delville and she is going to tell us about her Curve Report.
>> MELISSA LAVIGNEDELVILLE: Okay, thank you. We are excited to be part of the BlogHer event and excited to present this research. Just by way of background, I first just want to talk a little bit about what we do at NBC Universal Intergrated Media, how we partnered with USA on this project and then we are going to jump into trends that I think tell the stories behind Modern Family, the authentic Modern Family out there today. The Curve Report is a biannual report we put out. It looks at generational trends, macro trends, industry trends, and has a lot of great research that tells stories among GenerationX and GenerationY. So roughly thirteen to fourtynine year olds.
And for this particular issue, we partnered with USA to uncover specifically what does the Modern Family look like. I feel like that word, Modern Family, is thrown out there a lot. People know the television show, but we wanted to go across America, look at families, and figure out what family looks like today. So, that was sort of the motivation behind the study, and the first fact that we found, which I think is probably one of the more shotting ones, blew my mind. This wasn't something we found, but something we found from the census. Only 4% of families in the U.S. today consist of a married couple with biological children under the age of 18 where the wife stays home and husband works. I think if you had to guess what that percentage is, I don't think anybody would say there is a majority of families that look like that, but maybe many families would have said a quarter of families or 20%. But we saw the statistic and said heck, what do the rest of the 96% of families like like? That was the starting point. Here is one of the most mind blowing stats from the census but interesting to note. In 1960, only 5% of births were to unmarried women. Today, that number is 41%. It's shocking. Almost half of all women who are having children today are not married. So it's a seismic difference. Right there, you can tell that things are going to be different.
Let's talk about the dads. In 1970, 1100 stayathome parents was a dad. Statistical anomaly, right? Today it is 17. This is a good segue into the first trend. 64% of moms and dads no longer believe that 18 marks adulthood and in fact, 25% of moms and dads say adulthood today doesn't begin until late 20s if not early 30s and beyond. We are going to touch on that in a trend called extended adolescence. We'll talk about this.
85% of dads say they either do the majority of household chores in child care or it's an even split in their household. The moms may not agree, but we'll get to that. Last but not least, we think family. We know there are eclectic families but we sum up family as being a combination of at least two people. Fact of the matter today is, the fastest growing type of household in the United States are solo dwellers, people living alone. This is a seismic trend, something we covered in the curve called Indy Life and we made a film called, Indy Women. We also think about the family of one. What does that look like? What are the needs there and how are they, doing with other families? We'll cover that today too. Just a few stats to get started. But now I want to jump into the material going back to that stat I left aside, 12% of mothers today fit the demographic of the soccer mom. That's where I wanted to begin, talking about moms, the soccer mom. We all know she is not as prevalent as she was in the 90s with the 'Baby Onboard' sign and the minivan. When you look at marketing and entertainment, there is a lot of soccer moms portrayed out there even though we know she is probably not reality. When we did a segmentation study and we looked at the different types of moms out there, only 12% of all moms even remotely looked like demographically, or psychographically, the soccer mom. 88% of moms are someone else. So that led us to want to figure out who are these other moms? And it is one of those things. You don't want 'type' moms. There aren't mom types. We wanted to make sense of this confusion of what type of moms are out there, so we ended up with eight segments. I don't have time to cover all eight but I wanted to highlight five I found particularly different, or interesting, and talk a little bit about each of them.
So, the first one was affectionately the largest segment of moms we found. We call them the dream girls. I'll give you a picture. She is young. Also the youngest. Average age she was when she had her first child was 22. She also was probably not married when she had her first child. Doesn't mean she didn't have a partner but probably not married. Also probably unplanned pregnancy. Right away when people hear young mom, single mom, unplanned pregnancy, cut to 16 and pregnant. That's what the we think of. This mom couldn't be any further from 16 and pregnant. She largely skews not a majority of these moms, but they skew Hispanic and having a child was like the best thing that could have happened to her. It wasn't planned, but her partner has probably rallied around this child. Her family, where she probably lives, has also rallied around this child and she absolutely believes in the American dream. She knows that like hey, things didn't happen the way I planned, but I'm going to have it all. I'm just not quite there yet. She is optimistic and she will stop, drop and roll for her child and even though her income bracket is lower than a lot of the other moms, she is spending a lot more than a lot of the moms that have more income than her. And it's because she really wants the things for her child that she feels like she didn't have. So this is an amazing demographic. 15% of moms out there look like this woman and they are highly optimistic, which is incredibly important. They often are gatekeepers to their child's life and their household if they are Hispanic, and that is across that cultural race and particularly for this group, and a really important mom to think about when we think about 16 or single moms. It's not just 16 and pregnant.
After that is the American Pie moms. Obviously, this is probably the closest you got to the soccer mom today. Won't go into it because we know this demographic and psychographic. She is probably going to be a stayathome mom. She was a little bit older when she had her first child, about 30. So relative to the moms we looked at, she is more on the older side. And she is also, as far as income bracket, the second highest income. She is a little judgmental. What I found interesting about this mom, we asked all, do you agree or disagree? Stayathome moms are better moms than working moms? No moms really answered yes to this one. But these moms said I really think that staying at home is much better than not. And interesting to know. If the musthaves for motherhood, for the dream girls, the moms before, were sort of like Facebook profile, Android phone and extended family, this particular mom, it's fresh food, wooden toys and most importantly, a short list of sitters. She is tired of being with the kids all day. She wants to get out at night and she prioritizes date night once a week. So that's the American Pie mom.
Then you have the mishmash mom. If there were a modern day Brady Bunch, this would be it. Here is the way I describe this mom. Go up to her door, knock on the door, she opens the door. She is breast feeding a child. Kids are running around the house, someone is taking piano lessons, kid just fell down the stairs and you don't know who belongs to who or what is going on. It's chaos in there. But she conquers the chaos with order. She is highly organized and has her calendar set up. And the reason why it is so chaotic, this is the mom who has the most children of all the moms we spoke with. And they probably they come from different walks of life. We found that she probably had a child when she was not married. She probably now is married. Majority of these women are. Spouse may have children, so she has step children. They may have had children together. So this is what I mean by the modern day Brady Bunch. Lots of families coming together. Her motherhood musthaves is a calendar, a Bible  she is probably more religious than most  and a Costco card and coupons. She has a lot of kids and a bargain shopper and definitely also the CFO of the household. We asked the question to all, who holds the pursestrings in your house? And 53% of moms that we spoke with said they did. 60% of these moms said they did. This is the person out there making purchases for the family.
Second-life moms. This is my mom, if I had to put my mom in a bucket. These women are sort of experiencing a second adolescence if you will. They just got up on Facebook. They are dating now on Facebook. This is maybe because they are divorced or maybe they are each widowed or just at a different stage. Their life is where they are not tethered to their children anymore, but they are having a resurgence of adolescence and they want to experiment with new things. They want to try new products. It's a great mom for this group because they are into trends, reading parenting blogs. They are into media. So this is a mom who is experimenting trying on a new identity. Her mom musthaves would be something like parenting blogs, DVR, and books like 'Eat, Pray, Love'. She is still looking for answers and wants to explore this new aspect of her life.
And the category I probably fall in, Blackberry moms. I thought  I used to live in New York City. I thought this would be 50% of the population. Apparently, 9% of these are this crazy. This particular mom has prioritized her career. She probably waited to have children. She tends to be the most affluent of the other moms and she is a great mom to know because she is going to spend extra money for the organic mattress even though someone told her this one is good enough. She will trade up. She doesn't have time to make these decisions so she goes with whatever seems the most quality and will spend money for it. Her musthaves, and I don't have all of these, but would be something like, Blackberry, organic everything, personal trainer. So this is this mom. So it gives you a sense of all the moms out there. One of the things confounding about this is every mom is different. How do you reach all of these moms whether you're reaching them with content or reaching them with marketing or products? And so we looked for unifiers in this study, and we wanted to see what resonated acrosstheboard. There was only one unifier, and it was probably the most counterintuitive unifier we could have thought of, and that was traditionalism. And that gets to the next trend I want to talk about, modern traditionalism.
We just talked about the eclectic American family that is out there, all the moms out there, the fact that we have got 40% of births to single moms. Moms 40plus are the fastest and only growing category of firsttime moms out there. They weren't even measured on the census until 1995. You have got many more dualincome households right now. 39% of households are dual income. Gay and lesbian marriages, obviously on the rise. And that doesn't even get to multicultural America. By 2040, the minority will be the majority. And that is already the case in 100 cities in the U.S.
We never have been at a more progressive, eclectic radical time of family, which is why it is surprise being that we asked moms specifically, and dads, but moms that popped even more, what type of parent are you? Out of 15 characteristics, the top thing was traditional. We asked them what type of parent do you want to be? Again, 15 different things, traditional. And traditionalism came through in other ways too. So for example, we said, would you rather be a stayathome mom or a working mom? 66% of moms said, I would rather stay at home. Among the working moms, 53% of working moms said I'd rather stay at home. Financially I have to work, but I'd rather stay at home. When we asked, do you want a child with good manners or good grades? 78% of the moms and 72% of the dads went with good manners, not good grades. And 87% of moms said it is really important that we all sit down for a family meal at least once a day. Now the family might look crazy around the table, but we all have to sit down. There is a core traditionalism we saw surging and this was across the board. We looked into why. There is a lot of reasons and not all the reasons are the same for different groups.
One big one was GenX women. So right now, GenX women are a majority of the parents out there of younger children. And GenY is starting to come into the fold. GenXers were the first generation to come of age at a time where we saw the breakdown of the traditional household. 50% of marriages ended in divorce. They saw tradition go away. And what we heard from them time and time again is that they kind of wanted a more sane idealic childhood for their own children than they had themselves. They were the latchkey kids. They don't want their children to be the latchkey kids. So they are prioritizing traditionalism.
But there is also something else going on here, and it's been in the news so much. There is an Atlanta article piece on it, and I feel like I read this every day. It's an idea of having it all. Xer women had an idea of they could have it all, which meant like you could be married and have children and have the career  and many do. A lot of people are figuring out to have it all is great, but it's a lot to have, and it's a lot to juggle, and I'm not sure that is what I want anymore. And we are seeing a little bit of a calendar trend, people saying, I don't need to have it all. I'm okay with having some of it but not all of it all at once. There is a little bit going back to clear paths, clear gender roles and interesting right now also happening. So I think the big takeaway here when you think about modern traditionalism is  I think about it like USA and the show. I think about Mitch and Cam. This is a perfect trend that fits Mitch and Cam. You couldn't be more different. It's a gay couple with an adopted child from China. But yet, if you think about it, they are sort of like the breadwinner, and then is there the stayathome parent, and when the stayathome parent goes back to work, he becomes a music teacher. There is a very interesting traditional thread that is happening there. So the point is, the face of family may look eclectic today but at the heart of family, it is people might look like the JoliePitts, but they want to be the Cleavers. One important note is that the other thing that makes traditionalism modern today is that it's a choice. I thought this was a really good quote from one of our panelists. They said, the biggest difference in being a stayathome mom today is it was 100% my choice. If things don't work out, I have options. So it's feeling like we are getting past this point of, I have to do this. I have options and this is what I have chosen.
Talked a lot about moms and traditionalism. Got to get the dads some time. My favorite trend that we wrote in this report is even when we started this report, the focus, people tend to think about mom first when it is family. And we really believe that GenX and GenY dads are the pioneers of parenthood today. It's a big statement. But if you think about it before, the iconic symbol of parents my have been the soccer mom. The soccer mom is being replaced by like the skateboarding dad. He is like the new equivalent. Or the baby onboard sign is being replaced by the symbol of the dad dawning the baby born. Even things like stroller negotiation. When you talk about what dads are into, it's got as much cache as car negotiation did for the dad's generation. Dads are incredibly involved today. So, we wanted to get to the bottom of, we know dads are involved. How involved are they? Let's ask about division of childhood care and household chores. We asked moms and dads. In your household, who handles majority of household chores and child care? We had three answers. They could say I do, my spouse or an even split. Here is how the answers came in. I'll put them up here so you can see. Dads  61% of dads said 50/50 even split. 24% of dads said, I do it all. And then they said about 15% of dads said, my spouse does it all. Cut to the moms. The answers are completely different. 72% of moms said I do it all. And then you have got 27% of moms say, I guess it's an 50/50 split and then 1% of moms who say spouses do it all. It's like two ships passing in the night. Why is no one agreeing? What is this he said/she said? We talked to parent and here is what they say. The moms are like okay, probably you know, all said and done, we spend about the same amount of time on household chores and child care. The difference is, I'm up here like doing 10 things. I'm like making dinner, helping out my kids' homework and filling out forms for school and figuring out carpooling, and he is still down there in the laundry room making military corners on the laundry. That is their mentality. So it's like they feel like, I'm the manager, he is the intern. Cut to the dads. The dads are like, first of all, my dad didn't do anything. So I'm kind of doing a lot here. And second of all, if she didn't boss me around so much and micromanage me, I would do more.
Most dads said they would do more, but their wife or spouse is a micromanager. We dubbed them micromanagers. They are feeling under appreciated when it comes to household chores. 47% said under appreciated. 41% of them said they feel under appreciated when it comes to child care. This is a feeling of, I'm not getting enough credit. And hesaid, shesaid aside, the fact is that they really are incredibly involved, and it's a seismic shift from the way things were in the past. But, they are also entering a sphere that, up until this point, has been dominated by women. And they are trying to find their style. And they are trying to find their footing. And they are rookies. It's the first time this generation of parents has really been dealing with all of these issues. And I equate it to when women enter the workforce. Think about those awkward moments. The shoulder pads and Reeboks sneakers and Godawful like suits and stuff. It's like cute working girl. They were trying to find their style and annoyed they weren't being taken seriously in the boardroom. Dads now trying to find their style parenting and getting annoyed that they are not being taken seriously. So I think it's a really interesting time to think about dad and dad's role and give more of a nod to what dad is doing.
So we talked about moms and dads. Now we'll talk about all of the other people, because it's not a nuclear family anymore. It's not just all mom and dad. In 1960, 44% of American households were nuclear families. Today, it's 20%. So it's half of what it used to be. What we are finding  obviously part of this is due to the fact there is a rise of single moms, dualincome households and all sorts of other things going on. And the point is, that there is a lot of other pinch hitters in parenting that really play a role in the past but now playing a larger role. It's the aunts. It's the uncles. It's the grandparents. It's the siblings and the half siblings and friends without kids. It's a whole cast of characters coming together to raise the next generation. They are family as well. Some of the different categories, significant others, they wanted to talk about. One we didn't coin. It's called PANKs. They are the website called, Savvy Auntie. That really Cater to women who don't have children but have children in their lives. And it means Professional Aunt No Kids. And she talks about the significance of this particular woman. Numbers to go with that, 23 million of them. What is really interesting is, on average they are age 36. They've never been married. They spend about $500 a year on children in their lives. It doesn't sound like much. You do the math. It's $8.7 billion. This is also due to the rise of Indy Women, which we did a film on. Women who don't have kids, aren't married and aren't necessarily living with someone else. That is a group of about 36 million individuals in the U.S, and it will be 50 million in just a few years. So, we are seeing a change of this like, who are these other players in the kids lives?
And there is PUNKs. This isn't just women. This is Professional Uncles No Kids. That is pretty clever. Then also the Glam Parents. They are healthy, hot, they are on Facebook, 65. So this is the boomer generation of grandparents that are incredibly involved with raising the grandchildren. Six million is the number of kids today are being raised by grandparents. And when asked, moms say that 68% of moms say their parents are highly involved in raising the kids. And 41% say they are like extremely involved in raising the kids. So grandparents play a role.
I really wanted to talk about one more category, we are calling the Boomerang Effect. This is the fact that  go back to that secondlives club or the secondlife moms. A lot of parents divorcing, remarrying. They have grown kids. And then all of a sudden, maybe they are having kids of their own and they are dealing with diapers again. And this creates a really interesting dynamic in the country because all of a sudden, brother and sister is no longer means blood relation. There is a lot of half brothers and sisters, step brothers and sisters and they are also helping to deal with child care and helping to raise the next generation.
So the point to be taken away from this is, there is a whole cast of characters that create today's Modern Family. I don't have too much more time, so I'm going to breeze through to tell you what these trends are and get to a few opportunities. Extended adolescence. I hit on this in the beginning. Adolescence is one of those things that ended at 18. Now it's extending into one's 20s. And what we think is interesting about this, it's creating a new type of multigenerational family. When you think multigenerational family, you tend to think Hispanic household with Abuela. That's where people's minds go to. Really, it's a lot of kids who have graduated and maybe have fouryear degrees and probably have jobs but living at home. Because they are friends with their parents or it made sense after the recession. This is creating a really interesting effect where all of a sudden, that emptynest situation is isn't happening any more and multigenerational doesn't equate to Hispanic and Abuela. It's more mainstream. 26 million families were multigenerational in 1970. Today it's 49 million. So seismic increase there.
Last but not least. I talked about families of one. A lot of people don't have that significant other. But luckily there are apps for that. People are outsourcing a lot of stuff that used to be kind of like the inherent feature of the nuclear family. So, there are apps that can help you have that homemakerwife or that handyman husband or the culdesac community or family dinner. So people are tapping into technology to kind of compliment what is missing or what was typically a part of nuclear family.
So, opportunities and takeaways before I finish up. There is a lot. But content, specifically uniquely, reaches the broad spectrum and specific issues of moms today. Again, keeping in mind there is all of these different types of moms. 88% are not the soccer mom. Who are the other moms and what are the opportunities there? We are really thinking about the single mom and who she is and what her needs are. It's just such a growing category.
Traditional values are a unifier. People don't want to see a lot of traditional families. That wouldn't make sense or reflect our everyday life. They don't want to see the cleavers, but they want some of those things, that sit-down dinner, some of the traditional values, manners, they want those things to resonate. They are nostalgic for it and it helps them make sense in a time where everything feels chaotic. Products and content that used to be here largely towards mom. Everything from advice, to get to the best preschool, to family entertainment, and these versions, that is work for dad too. It's like, what are the dad equivalents? Emerging market of educated employed young adults living at home. And they are looking to be represented. What is that voice out there for them? That's also part of Modern Family. Parenting is no longer biological proposition. Doesn't necessarily need to be your child in order for it to be a significant child in your life. Opportunities for that particular parent as well. And also don't forget, the families and the content that you can create. Families of one. So it doesn't necessarily mean to be the whole cast of characters. It could be that solo dweller. It's a lot to take in.
I'm going to now pass it back off to Cat and thank you so much for your time.

>> KAT GREENLEAF: I don't know about the rest of you guys, but my head is clanking with all of these different things. I would give anything for my parents to still be helping me raise my kids. And I feel like a combination of some of those things you listed. One thing I did forget to do, because I'm a mom and I forget at least one major thing an hour, I forgot say throughout the panel, please tweet us using these handles, hashtags. Very important. So we are @mofie nation and #Mofie. And at the end of it all, go back to that setup in the back. We want to hear the story about your Modern Family. So this is your moment, your few minutes of fame. We really want to hear about how you pull things together.
Speaking of people who pull things together, we have an amazing cast of panelists right now. Please stand up and make your way to the stage. It's such a woman thing. Women are always asking for the clicker and then  just kidding. Our panelists are  we have author of the blog, Life with Roozle, Casey CareyBrown.
We have the author of, Laid-off Dad, and the Founder of Dad 2.0 Summit, Mr. Doug French.
And the author of, “I'm Not the Nanny”, ThienKim Lam.
We are very proud to have Elaine Ko, Supervising Producer of the show, Modern Family.
We have such a diverse representation of people, not only up here, but of course here in the room. A diverse representation of families. So, I want to know from our bloggers, how has the show, Modern Family, impacted each one of your households? Let's start at the end.
>> I'm Casey. My daughter is four. She was born in 2009 in April, and the show, Modern Family, started in September of that same year. We didn't have a T.V. at the time so we hadn't seen it until recently. But we saw the impact of the show on our friend's families and our family's families start to trickle into the way that we were able to interact with some of the people in our lives, and just seeing a twodad family on T.V. normalized that a lot for people, and really helped them in the way that they treated us, because we were pretty much the only twomom family that a lot of them knew. So it's had a wonderful impact on us.
>> Great.
>> DOUG FRENCH: My name is Doug French, as she said. I'm into dads. I'm into helping dads get a voice, helping create better images for dads and recognize that there aren't many of us out there who want to do our best for our children and have the skills to do so if we choose to apply them ourselves
I love this show. I think for a number of reasons. One, I do a Dad 2.0. I'm all about trying to get dads to go online and tell authentic stories and kind of supplant the idea that to be a man means you have to be a certain type, and rub dirt on it, and walk it off, and you have to be stoic, and you have to be ignoring your feelings. You can nurture someone and find joy in that. And the show, I mean, I like the way she talks about how if you normalize the nontraditional, that means nothing is normal anymore. And I don't want there to be a normal. I don't think there is a normal. I think especially since the other issue with my family is my wife, my exwife and I are divorced and we are coparenting together. We write a blog together called, When the Flames Go Up, about what it's like to coparent after divorce. We have two sons. We were living in New York City for a long time and we knew that wasn't going to work out. So in terms of this difficulty for them with two households. We recently moved to Ann Arbor together to try and raise the kids in an easier  make it easier for them. It's a great decision and I'm really happy with it. I think in general, this show itself, it denormalizes normal. It just makes it realize that the only normal part of a family should be adult people caring for non-adult people and trying to prepare them for life as soontobe adult people.
>> Thank you. Well said.
>> THIEN-KIM: When I first heard of the show, my friends came up to me, they were so excited and said, Kim, there is a T.V. show with a Vietnamese kid. And I said, okay. And she is adopted. I'm like, okay, great. Another, like white couple adopting an Asian kid from some thirdworld country. And I found out the couple was gay. I'm like, okay, that is kind of cool. And I think it was cool for me because it just makes people more aware of other cultures and other heritages and not like  it's not the stereo typical  I live in DC. There is a lot of caucasion, twofamily parents adopting Asian kids. It's like, okay. It was just cool to see a different take on it.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Awesome. Definitely. So, you guys write about your families. A lot of you guys write about your families. You may read them writing about their families and read about what they are saying about their own. The worst is when my own family reads what I wrote about my own family. I'm trying to figure out how to avoid that. Under a pen name or something. It got me thinking, why? Or what and why do you write about your families? Why do you feel like that is important.
>> DOUG FRENCH: That's easy for me. I think most of my friends  I have been blogging for  I had my tenth anniversary in June.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Mazel tov.
>> DOUG FRENCH: That's a lot of part of my life doing this. But there weren't many dad blogs 10 years ago and you  in my case, two things, I wanted to write something my kids could read later. I would love to know what was going through my dad's mind when he was down the hall with a pipe in his mouth waiting for me to come out, and what his life was like in the 60s. So I want to have have something for my kids to read and provide that. And you want to write the content that you wish existed. When I was divorced there was nothing about what it meant to be divorced or how to deal with a divorce with kids. There was just really horrible T.V. shows about it. And so, you gettogether, you write a blog, and you want to create the content that isn't there and pay it forward a bit. And it's remarkable how the Internet  and how we all coalesce so quickly and recognize as soon as one person writes a blog about a coparenting, another one sprouts up. You find blogs about all kinds of families and it catches like wildfire, because the Internet is all about finding your tribe, and bringing together people with shared experiences. It's been great for dads everywhere and for all types of families recognizing that there is no normal anymore.
>> THIENKIM: For me, I sort of have my blog because I was angry. I live in DC. My husband is African American. We call our kids Blackenese. I'm Vietnamese. That's our inhome joke. And we go to parks, and I would try to date other moms. If you have little kids, you probably have done that, dating at the park.
>> DOUG FRENCH: I tried dating at the park.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: That's another blog.
>> THIENKIM: And the moms would not talk to me because they thought I was the nanny since I didn't look like my children. And the nannies were trying to figure out if they family paid me extra to speak Vietnamese to my wards. And I just got tired of hearing it. And I would hear things like, your kids are so cute. They look like Kamarley's children. I'm like, that's nice. That's the only way you can relate to my family? So I started a blog to just get off my chest and say, I can't believe I live in DC, grew up in the south. Like, I would totally expect this kind of observations from strangers in the south. And I just had to get it off my chest. My husband suggested I start the blog. People started to come out and say, I have the same problem. And their family makeup was not the same racially or cultural as ours, but they had similar issues, and I found this entire community online who were mistaken further as our kids nannies.
>> CASEY CAREYBROWN: I started writing because I love it. And I write about my family because I love my family, to start. Once I started, I just couldn't stop. But part of what my blog has turned into a way for other people to see that our family isn't just a twomom family. That we don't just talk about being gay. It's not only about being gay. And I know that is what a lot of people see when they see my family. But it's really important to me to write about what I'm packing for my kids for lunch and how to choose the right school for her. And just the regular parenting things, the regular mom things. So that's become really important for me and it's been important for our community. A lot of people that we know locally read the blog as well. So, it has become a place where I can talk about  I do talk about the gay issues, sometimes, and frame it properly to give our community a way to talk to us as well. But for them to see that we are just like them.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Thank you. It's really gratifying to people who are in similar situations who read your stuff. I'm not alone behind it all. I mean, that's how I feel when I'm in the park talking with other women. Did you get that too? I'm not the only horrible mother out there. And before I go on, don't forget, everybody, our hashtag. So we have that. Elain? You're the mainstream media. Answer for them  just kidding. But as a writer for Modern Family, where does this show see itself in this area? Does the show feel like, we have to smash stereotypes by putting in gay marriage and throwing in an adoptive kid from another culture or have intercultural relationships by December, or is it just a T.V. show that is supposed to make you laugh, cry, escape, whatever.
>> ELAIN KO: I think it's probably that. I mean, we don't have any sort of set agenda that we are trying to preach to the country about multiculturalism or what the family looks like today. We are just trying to tell good family stories in a funny, compelling way that, hopefully, people can relate to. You know? So, we always have in the back of our minds the fact that we are portraying a gay couple who is raising a child, which is not something that you see on every show. So that's something we're conscious of and conscious of stereotypes. But for the most part we are trying to tell the best stories we can tell.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: And to that end, here is a clip.
>> ELAINE KO: Is there a clip?
>> KAT GREENLEAF: That we love. The tooth fairy clip.
>> ELAINE KO: We brought a clip about  it's from the “Mitch and Cam and the Tooth Fairy” story.
>> No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
>> Daddy! Daddy! The tooth fairy came!
>> No way!
>> That's so exciting! What did she bring you?
>> Well
>> Fairy dust. Nice touch.
>> Oh, my gosh, that's a lot.
>> Some stickers.
>> Ahhh
>> A toothbrush.
>> Wow!.
>> And $100 bill.
>> Wow! Look at that!
>> I love the tooth fairy.
>> The tooth fairy gave our daughter $100! Does she not know the going rate for a tooth is $5, at the most?
>> Obviously, the tooth fairy made a mistake.
>> Maybe because the tooth fairy had too much Chardonnay last night.
>> I think the tooth fairy can handle the Chardonnay but can't handle not criticizing someone who made a mistake in the dark of the night.
>> I'm going to put this in my clutch. I can't wait to tell
>> What happened  (Indiscernible).
>> We cannot be the parents of a 6yearold who gets $100 from the tooth fairy.
>> It's bad enough we are the parents of a 6yearold with a clutch.
>> That bag transitions from day to night seamlessly, and I no longer have to carry crayons in my front pocket.
>> Can't have this argument again!
>> ELAINE KO: This clip shows sort of the Mitch and Cam, even though they are gay parents, that they have exact same parenting issues that any straight couple would have, any straight couple raising kids. That's how we try to approach the stories when we are in a room and we are trying to think of Mitch and Cam. We don't think of, what is a good gay parenting story to tell. We think, what is a good parent to a 5yearold story we can tell? And sometimes, obviously the issue of the fact that they are two gay men raising a child will come into the story, but that's not really where we ever start.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: I'm interested in what happens in the writers’ room. We all in here are writers. We all have our own process system. Mine generally has a lot to do with carbs and being alone in the middle of the night and shoving them into my face. Anyway, I digress. What happens when you get a group of writers into a room, some of who are parents and some are not, gay, straight, indifferent. Are there fights? How do the story lines evolve.
>> ELAINE KO: We have right now 13 writers. Most of them are parents, not all. Like myself. But we just kind of usually just sort of sit around and talk about stuff. And people talk about our families, some things that happened with our kids or sisters or whatever. And we try to start fresh real life stories that happened to us and see how they can apply to our characters. And sometimes we just make stuff up out of nowhere and we just  someone could have a funny notion about the most random thing and try to make it into a story. There is not really that  it's not a scientific process. A lot of it is just a bunch of people talking about stuff and trying to find things that other people run into or are responding to and then trying to figure out how that would be funny with our character. >> KAT GREENLEAF: Do you ever kick to the mat or fight a lot?
>> ELAINE KO: I don't.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Yes, you do.
>> ELAINE KO: No. We actually keep it pretty simple, I have to say.
You know, people are very passionate about the characters we are writing. So you know, it has not become ever
>> ELAINE KO: We'll see. There is always next season. >> KAT GREENLEAF: So the tooth fairy clip is great because it definitely addresses the universality of parenthood. I'm thinking how my husband and I feel differently about ice cream every day. I think ice cream should be eaten every day. He does not think that. There are certain things  if we were gay I'm sure we would be having that same discussion. But our three panelists, you do have unique situations, and I'm sure things come up for you that aren't actually universal. It's not actually two gay parents. It's not actually a divorced couple co-parenting and on and on. Can you give us each one specific story of like a surprise problem that you didn't see coming and how did you handle it? Because I'm sure it's different than what everyone else has been through.
>> CASEY CAREYBROWN: Our biggest problem is that we have to explain homophobia to our fouryearold because she may encounter it. And she needs to know what the word gay, means and how it should be used in a sentence, not necessarily how she may hear it on a playground. That's not something I would normally think of talking to my fouryearold about. And having to tell her that there are people that think our family is bad. And what do you do if you encounter that? We have to talk about that a lot because I want her to be ready for that. I want her to feel confident, that she knows grownups to go to that can make her feel safe if she is in a hard situation. And of course, I hate that. So much. But, it's an honor to be able to teach my daughter that and present this to her and give her the confidence to go out into the world.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Has anything you have read, any other blogs been able to teach you how to handle that kind of thing?
>> CASEY CAREYBROWN: Google is my best friend.
>> KAT GREEN LEAF: My best friend. You can't have my best friend.
>> CASEY CAREYBROWN: I Google that a lot. How do I tell my daughter that she has an anonymous sperm donor that is to be determined.
>> MELISSA LAVIGNE DELVILLE: We actually found in our research that Google has become a new demigod of sorts. People were at a time when it is the least religious time in history. People still have a lot of unanswered questions whether they are about family or just about existence. And there is a trend now of people just Googling big life questions like beyond how do I do this? Or should I have another child? What is the meaning of life? Can we coexist peacefully? We had our panel actually ask whatever question they wanted, whatever big life question they wanted to Google. And the answers they got back were profound. Like, literally the one about can we all coexist peacefully? The answer that came up was just, no. And it was like really good advice that people were getting so I think that's funny that's where you're turning tow as well.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Who thinks it's a good thing that Google is the new God or a bad thing? Good thing? Questionable.
>> It's a 50/50 split.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Just checking.
>> THIENKIM: For me, the first big problem happened when my daughter who is seven now, when she was two years old, I never really talked about race in front of my daughter. I just thought like, she'll see her dad is darker than her mom and we are surrounded by friends of different races and you know, and then she would just grow up and be happy and look at owl these cool people around me. And around two years old, she had a breakdown because she wanted to be just like me. And she would cry. Like crying. I couldn't calm her down. Why isn't my hair straight? Why is my skin darker than yours? And I went crap, I failed in this department. So I went to my girlfriend, my mom's group, and I said what do I do? Like how do I talk about race to a 2yearold? And I mean, if I could have Googled it, but I didn't think about it. Together we talked about this and they said, just talk about how beautiful she is and where she comes from. I learned that we have different baggage when it comes to race than our kids do. They don't have any baggage yet. It's our job as parents to make sure that they are carrying around good baggage. That's when I started to tell her how amazing she was and she was the perfect mix of me and her dad and that's why her hair is not too curly and not too straight and so now she is so proud of herself. She will be in the public bathroom somewhere and she is sitting in the stall going, mommy, I love my brown skin and my curls are so beautiful. And everyone in the bathroom is like, giggling, but I just love it. And I hope that that doesn't change any time soon.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Awesome.
>> DOUG FRENCH: Don't look at me. Compared to many of my friends, I have no complaints. I mean, I think we had one issue with one of my son's friends was ragging on him as boys do, just because they have got all kinds of terrible imbalances that I remember finally back in the day. But giving them a hard time because your parents are divorced. And because it was a strange thing to him. A lot of other married couples aren't sure what to make of us, because we get along well. We go up to our kids events together. We sit next to each other. We laugh and we take pictures. People are like, why did you divorce? Why don't you get back together? You get along better than my married spouse and I do.
And part of that is just luck. We put work into it. We both write about it a lot and help us to process a lot of stuff. Help us to forgive and move on. But I think that is a minor thing. I'm very grateful for  it's basically a pretty functional household in two households. I mean, when weird things happen on the news, the first thing we do, my first thought is to text her. And say, what do we tell the kids about this? And so, we are united front that way and we had to learn to do that. It's just not something most parents have to cope with. So especially in this new neighborhood we are in, this new community we are in. We showed up out of the blue and tried to make new friends and fit in. It had its upping ups and downs. My kids are healthy and they know who they are and they know their parents both love them desperately. So, it's all good.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: It's all good, man. Alright. Awesome. That's actually great to hear. I don't hear a lot of people saying that about their families it's all good. Let's hear about what you think about your families. What questions do have you about your families? What has been said about this amazing Curve Report, which I'm so exciting everyone is getting to read it. I learned a lot. Let's open up the Q&A period with that lovely arm that has just risen from the city of home
>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: I have a logistical question about the writing of Modern Family. I know how you all get your ideas and probably share and twist the story lines into an episode, but does one or more writers have the voice of someone more in their head? Someone that is an advocate for Claire or knows what it is she would say more than others? Or how does that work?
>> ELAIN KO: I get asked this question a lot. A lot of people ask which character do you write for specifically? And no, there is no  everybody writes for everybody. It's the simple answer to that. You know, I think in any given episode, there are some writers who make you feel  they may feel strongly about how a certain character would react in that situation. But it's never this person writes for this person. I don't write for Lily because I'm an Asian female. Everyone writes for everybody. So, yes, I mean, I probably couldn't be any further from Phil Donahue, but he is my first character to write for. So it's just sort of  yes.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Who is next? Lady in the red.
>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: My question is fairly simple, but is there detailed data available of the survey? Or is all of the data that is publicly available in the booklet.
>> MELISSA LEVIGNE DELVILLE: You wouldn't want the detailed data. It's like the worst study we ever done. I'll tell you why. When we first tried to do it, we kind of failed. Especially with the mom study. We were trying to do a segmentation, each though we didn't want to type moms, but we wanted to try to make sense of it. We tried to slice and dice the data so many different ways to understand segments and nothing would pop. We were looking at demographics and looking at age of parents and the child and there is all different combinations of that and maybe something. We had to go through it like 10 times over before we realized the right next of demographic and psychographic that would make things real interesting nuances and differences. So, we don't make our data available publicly. But, there is a lot of data in the report and certainly a ton to back it up. So, we talked with about just to put that perspective, 3600 moms and dads. We did inperson interviews and gettogethers with parents. We followed up qualitatively with our panel and then we pulled in research that we have been doing from our broader Curve Report to back up the themes. So, it's pretty extensive. I promise you, you don't want the details. Really.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: It's a great read the way it is. Who else? Questions? Comments? Madam.
>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: I had another nerdy question about the data, actually. In order to establish statistical relevance, like what was the statistic measure that you used? When you were pulling the correlations, how did you land that? I mean it's pretty hard when you have this kind of data.
>> MELISSA LAVIGNE DELVILLE: It wasn't easy and we had a statistician to work with us to make sure what we did  our big thing is creating personalities around the data we got. But it was like any segmentation where it had to be  it was significant enough and more things were significant more than others, but to make it so it was statistically relevant and then it was about crafting stories. Once we found everything that popped, almost the  the harder part, and I still struggle with this to be honest, is talking and creating the stories around the segments that captures that data but doesn't really generalize, because you can't help but to do that when you're summing up really large cohorts of people and you always feel like you're saying something slightly wrong or that someone is not going to agree with or it doesn't make sense to this particular person. So, yes, we had a statistician that helped us to get through the pops and then we were really about creating the story.
>> (Off mic)
>> MELISSA LAVIGNE DELVILLE: No. Statistically significant.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: I have a question for you guys. Why do y'all read blogs about families? Do you do it to get inspiration for how you parent? Or answers for how you were parented? Who do you read family blogs? Anyone.
>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: I have a nerdy answer to that question. I'm an early intervention specialist and parent trainer. I read because I want to see what other people are talking about so when I go into parents and working with parents, I don't want to seem irrelevant. So it's helpful to see what is going to in the broader world. So I'm not coming in and being very textbook and not giving people real solutions to real problems.
>> And does it work for you? You find it helpful.
>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: But I'm also writing a lot of stuff, too. So I find it helpful to see that I'm on the same level when I'm writing as well as when I am in the home. I find it helpful because there is so many different kinds of families out there I don't want to tell them this is what your family needs to look like. So we are very strange family in our house too. A different kind of family. My husband is a stayathome dad. He is the new percentages. But he is a very educated computer programmer, stayathome dad. And so, I like to be able to see that there are different ways to talk to people about families. And I love that there is so much variety out there to read about it. It's wonderful.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: Anyone else? What you get out of reading family blogs?
>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: My name is Angie and I'm the publisher for an online magazine for south Asian moms and I like to read other blogs about the family because my particular magazine is about balancing cultural expectations with motherhood. And I wanted to know how other cultures and families do things when it comes to rituals and celebrating milestones and ways to make it relevant with their lifestyle. So I don't have to or necessarily just look at the south Asian culture because we have a lot of  I think as a community, we have a lot of things in common that we may learn from.
>> I just want to add that I have a Tiger mom. I didn't want to raise my kids that way. I read other blogs to see what other families are doing and their philosophies try to craft our own parenting philosophy.
>> It's interesting when you talk about Tiger moms. I feel like two the biggest trends that came up with moms recently that hit the press were Tiger moms. And then there was  did anyone read the book about freerange parents, kids? And they seem like they are at opposite ends of the spectrum. It's interesting because they are almost exactly the same.
And it's so interesting to me that like, the Tiger mom is like having their child play piano until their fingers bleed and free-range mom is like, here is the metro pass, make it home on your own. But the point at the heart of it is, sort of like sent meant of, we need to teach our kids survival skills. It's more competitive out there. Or you need to have those skills. We can't just hover and do everything in a traditional way. We need extremes to get there. It was one of the interesting insights. We see two trending topics in parenthood that have at their core a lot of the same sentiment.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: That is what I thought was interesting about the Curve Report is that at the base of it, we all want to feel traditional. We all want to  that comes down to, we love our kids. We want to be good parents. We want to do the best we can. And my guess everyone is doing the best they can whether or not this works out great. We are all doing the best we can. And that is what I get when do I read other people's writing is, I may not agree but I get that she feels that way or he feels that way and good to know we are concerned parents. So there is that. Now, speaking of concerned, Modern Family gave us this little gift. It represents how they feel about moving on to cable and syndication with us here on USA. It is dirty. It is raunchy. It is blue. There are fourletter words. There are threeLetter words I didn't know were bad, but they are. We are going to show it to you. It's a gift from the producers. If you feel like your family is not modern enough in your ability to handle it, this may be a great time to excuse yourself and you can meet us later or you can come back and tell us your story back in the booth. But, once again, I got this. I got this. And I got a dirty ass clip coming up. So
>> DOUG FRENCH: Let's all tweet verbatim. Can we have a viral tweet of family filth going? That would be great.
>> Family filth? Right.
>> DOUG FRENCH: Let's normalize the abnormal.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: So, before we take it to the tape, as they say, as if tape existed in the last 50 years, does anybody else have anything to add or anything to ask, either of our panelists or from our panelists?
>> DOUG FRENCH: I want to thank Modern Family for being in the vanguard about this. A lot of shows tried what you're doing and failed miserably. And it's special that a show like this can come across like this and recognize that as quote nontraditional families are, it is a family. They care about each other. And that's rare. That's chemistry. That's the golden thread that we are all looking for. And it doesn't matter that two are gay. It doesn't matter what color their skin is. And it's a hard thing to achieve. And that's why I read blogs too because blogs do that better than T.V. does most of the time. And until we get past shows like guys with kids? Dads with kids? Wow. We have a way to go.
>> Yes?
>> (Off mic)
>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: My apologies. Whenever I have family sessions where there are people struggling with sexuality, frequently Modern Family comes up. And people will say like, I love the characters on Modern Family. Like they are normal people, but I have this wall. And so, even from the psychosocial and emotional standpoint, the normalization of like, these are just real people, like we don't have to say like it's game area. It's just marriage. So, to have that coming up in my office with clients, shows that it is changing the cultural dialogue. And so, I'm sure you set out to do something creative and tell a great story like you said, and engage that narrative but you're doing something that is socially transformative. And you can downplay like, we don't have agenda but it's a good agenda and I appreciate it.
>> ELAIN KO: We love that America embraced our family. Sometimes we forget that people are actually staying at home watching the show and taking to heart the stories and talking about it. We love to hear that. And we can relate to these characters and it sounds quirky but if it does open anyone's mind about what gay parenting looks like, or multicultural parents, then that is just.
>> THIENKIM: You do the same thing with  The first, wellputtogether family I wanted to be a part of was a black family and it was the Cosbys. Like I said, you represented yourself by saying we just want to tell a good story but also pat yourself on the back because you're doing something awesome.
>> KAT GREENLEAF: I want to pat y'all on the back because everyone has been very open and honest with us and we appreciate it. And we want to thank BlogHer and USA networks and if you want to be part of the MOFEY nation  to me it sounds MILFEY but it's really just MOFEY nation. Please tweet using #BlogHer13, or leave your business card at the back with us and we will be sure to keep in touch. So, is everybody ready for the clip? Cover your ears if you can't handle it.
>> USA promo stand-by.
>> So, so we're moving to cable.
>> We are going to cable? We get to say and do whatever we want? Let's take this dirty bird for a spin up the coast.
>> Awesome.
>> I'm down.
>> Pretty sweet, huh?
>> I see where this is going.
>> You, me, two hookers and a bag of smack.
>> I knew you were drinking again.
>> You shut your traps.
>> Dropdead.
>> Twice.
>> Ladies, ladies! You know what? Just stop. You have been friends for 20 years. What the fuck has gotten into you old bags?
>> Fuck off. Go fuck you and the horse you road in on.
>> This is for the kids.
>> That's so sweet. Let's take a look. Goddamn that's a big dildo!
>> Hi, guys, I made cookies.
>> Not now!
>> It's going to be COD.
>> Gloria can you pay this guy, I'm late for this meeting.
>> Of course. You know, I don't have any cash. But, maybe I can pay you with something else.
>> Perve, it's USA, a quality network, they have some standards.
>> You're not my real wife.
>> Thank God!
>> Action.
>> Happy anniversary, Claire.
>> Happy anniversary, Phil.
>> Cut.
(Music Playing)
>> Thank you guys so much. See you in the back of the room to hear your own Modern Family stories. Have a great rest of your day.

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