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There has been so much written about adult children moving back in with their parents but there is little written about parents moving in with their adult children. Adult children usually come to the decision to move their parents in with them when the situation calls for constant care of that parent due to a physical illness or memory impairment. Our parents desire to remain in their own home is strong and if they are able to make decisions regarding their care will often agree that is better for them to move in with an adult child than to move to a facility of some kind.
Moving in with a child can be a real challenge for both the parent and the child. All of a sudden the adult child realizes he or she has another dependent in the home. I do not refer to an ill parent as another child in the home rather a dependent. The reason is two fold. One reason is I respect our aging population and to refer to them as a child is demeaning. I use the word dependent because often that is the reality. The person has to live with adult child because he or she is dependent on the adult child.
So many issues come up as the parent moves in. Depending on the memory or physical impairment, fights and stress can occur quickly in the house. Being forgetful or paranoid can be difficult behaviors to deal with or explain to an adult child's children. Trying to explain to an 8 year old that grandma or grandpa doesn't recognize you and thinks you are someonelse in the family can be difficult and stressful. As time passes and illness gets worse stubborn temper tantrums can cause alot of stress for the entire family and can impair a strong marriage.
So how can a family manage with an aging parent who lives with them? It's not easy and goodness knows no matter how many friends say they can relate or have words of support it still never seems to be enough. Finding a support group sounds great but who has time to go? if you have an elderly parent you are taking care of, a household and children who has time to go to a support group? It is the old adage that stress begets more stress and then stress gets out of control and you find yourself yelling and arguing and feeling more out of control than your aging parent.
It's okay to get some help for yourself or your family. It's okay to go to a counselor or a support group, you deserve the break and the hour of support. You will see in the long run it pays off.
