Someone Stalked My Daughter

Many thoughts went through my mind as I read this post and the comments.  First, let me tell you I think that it's wonderful that Sassy was willing to confide in you (but I hope you made it plain to her that in situations like this she shouldn't wait a year to tell you!).  Kids can be so close-mouthed about things like this, and it's wonderful that you have a good relationship with her.  Her trust in you is obvious.

Second, while confronting the young man was exactly what I would have done, I'm not sure it would be wise if the stalker was someone you do not know.  I've been stalked ... and harrassed ... by someone I thought I knew.  He attacked when I tried to confront him. 

I'm glad that the police and the courts are involved and you can have some peace of mind.  In any case of stalking, that's the first thing a person should do. 

Shelly Kneupper Tucker

writes at This Eclectic Life ( http://thiseclecticlife.com/ )

Twitter handle: @shellyktucker ( http://twitter.com/shellyktucker )

Looking the stalker in the eyes and telling them to STOP is powerful!

I have been victim to stalking by an ex. It is such a deliberate thing and strips the victim of more than simply freedom!

Kudos to mama bear!

Houseonahillorg

www.Houseonahillorg.blogspot.com ( http://www.houseonahillorg.blogspot.com/ )

www.HealthierHappierHouseonahill.org ( http://www.HealthierHappierHouseonahill.org )

I've been the "victim" of online stalking before (and I put vicitim in quotations because I never felt afraid and I feel almost like I'm misusing the word), complete with death threats. I was never so glad that I never put my actual location online before!

I hope things go in your favor in court!

- Maria Young

immoralmatriarch.com ( http://immoralmatriarch.com )@maria0305
( http://twitter.com/maria0305 )

The good news is- we DID go to the police. After hearing all about what happened, they took the necessary steps to stop this.    After MORE interactions, a court date and preliminary hearing, things are moving forward. 

And my dear girl is finally moving forward.   We hope.

Oh my this is scary! a stalker must be crazy anyway to do that but the way you described him answering you and then just standing there it sounds like he has some major mental issues. Please, please report this!

God bless, Crystal Martin http://reviews.thecinnamonhollow.biz

I commend you on confronting him. However, I think you still need to report this to the Police and get a restraining order on him. Even though he told you he would stop...I would not trust him at this point.

A

blog: http://asweetpumpkin.wordpress.com

blog: http://christiancity.wordpress.com

Twitter: @asweetpumpkin ( http://twitter.com/asweetpumpkin )

When I was in high school, I had an older boy start stalking me, and it continued after he graduated for at least a year. He first asked me out on a date when I was only 13 and he was 17, and my mother told me to tell him I was too young to date, and that anyway our age difference was too big, but he was welcome to come have dinner at our house. So I did tell him this. After a couple of these totally supervised visits, I became uncomfortable with the fact that he was telling everyone and their dog that I was his "girlfriend," and I broke off our friendship entirely. He became obsessed with me and started doing things like driving by our house at night. He did this on and off for two years. One night he even called and asked me to run away with him to another state without parental consent laws so we could get married (YUCK!).

Of course back then teenagers didn't have cell phones but he certainly did send me a lot of letters and emails and chats (I was an early internet adopter).

The good news is, he grew out of it. A lot of my friends, some of whom were also friends of his, thought he was behaving really poorly and were not afraid to let him know. And later in life he actually apologized to me for having scared me with all that crazy behavior.

I know even very young men can be dangerous to young women and girls if they become obsessed. And I don't think you are overreacting in the slightest. Even if he is NOT dangerous, but just deluded, he is clearly making your daughter frightened and unhappy, and I genuinely know how she feels. So good job standing up to him and calling him out. I think you did the right thing.

Assuming he has not actually THREATENED your daughter with violence, what I would do next, in this situation, is call his parents. He may have graduated from school but in many ways he's still a kid. And his parents need to know this is going on. I think it would be a good idea to call them and just say, look, he may not mean any harm, but your son's obsessive behavior is really scaring my daughter and IT NEEDS TO STOP.

It also might help if your daughter tells some friends at school -- assuming she has some really close friends there, people she can really trust -- about the problem, and asks them to help. They can look out for her at school and social events and let her know if they've seen him around. They can tell him he's acting like a jerk and tell him his behavior is actually driving the person he likes away from him -- he may take that better from a peer than from someone else's parent.

And I would also tell the school that he has been harassing her and that they need take extra steps to keep your daughter safe by monitoring his activity if he comes near the campus.

Those are all things you can do before calling the police. But I would say, if he does act violent toward her in any way, or if he fails to stop his behavior even after you've taken steps to MAKE him stop, by all means do call the cops on him.

Please don't put your guard down.

Please follow through and file a report.  These things sometimes take time to document.  Get started now.

Please follow up with Mr. Slacker Principal.  Just because they know him as a past student doesn't mean he should be on campus.

Remind her to block him on FaceBook (and have her show you) and NOT to respond to any texts. 

And, not to freak you out, but...was it really coincidence that he was right by you in that stadium?  Just wondering.

Finally, don't worry about over-reacting.  If nothing else, you are teaching your daughter to stand up for herself.  She needs to know that if she doesn't feel right about a situation, she should remove herself.  You know, safety first, etc. etc. : )

Big hugs.  It's scary.  I know, my daughter was stalked for a few months by a bit of an unstable guy.  It didn't stop until I talked to the police and they had a "talk" with him (I had already spoken to him and to his parents to no avail).  Sometimes you just got to do what you got to do!

Melanie at Finally Homeschooling ( http://finallyhomeschooling.blogspot.com/ )

That is terrifying--moreso that he seems to know that he is stalking and continues to do it.  I hope it ends now that you confronted him.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

wow! {hugs} I can imagine how scared you both are. Kudos to you for confronting the stalker! I can relate to the momma bear syndrome from a simularly scary situation and it's amazing the strength we find to do whatever is necessary to protect our cubbies. You go MOM!

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I am mom to 11 year old twins, wife to my best friend, online entrepreneur ( www.mommytips.com ( http://www.mommytips.com ) ) and missionary living in Ecuador (or on the road) WHILE homeschooling! ~whew ... I'm tired.

Glad you restrained yourself from killing him right in front of people! ;) Hopefully your encounter will solve the problem. I'd still report it though even if he stops for now.

Also very glad you reported it and started taking the appropriate steps. Be sure to start keeping a written record of texts, emails, etc. That is the kind of thing required as proof of stalking.

I'm assuming your daughter had already blocked him from FB, etc. I just wish she had told you earlier.

I'm surprised at the school though. Down here, everytime I go into my sister's school (she teaches) I have to show my driver's license, log in, & run the metal detector gauntlet. You definitely need to have a serious conversation with the principle.

You might also consider getting her some counseling, either through school or elsewhere. Along with a whistle or Mace and/or self defense lessons!

Elizabeth

http://texasebeth.blogspot.com