Moment of Anxiety...Moment of Prayer
By SistahKnow on April 06, 2009
How much can a human be expected to take?
I mean. Life is hard. Nothing is promised. There's reward on The Other Side.
...but to those who believe in a hell after death: Do you believe in hell here on Earth?
I do. I'm watching it at work. Not as "punishment" to a bad person. Not to "correct" a wrong-doing in the traditional sense of right and wrong.
Not even close...She is no different from any other human down here living their lives and trying to do their best with what they have...
But. She's been suffering for years now. Her hell is her own body. It progressively traps her with no way out and no way to comfort herself in any physical way. EVERY bodily function is dependent upon forces outside of itself to function. Eating, breathing...expellation of waste...I mean EVERYTHING is a process performed by someone or something outside of her own voluntary bodily functions.
Imagine lying in the bed unable to move, speak or breathe on your own. Your body can become racked with pain at any given moment and you have to wait minutes...or depending upon the patience of the person at your bedside...HOURS for someone to understand that you are begging for medicinal or positioning relief. The only way you CAN communicate is with your eyes, the weak kicking of your legs and the first two or three fingers of your left hand that has access to a "call button" that someone else has to put there...if they remember to do so.
And you know that soon...You may not even have those options due to the progression of what ails you...
Hell? After death?
Nah. Hell is right here on earth for my mama.
It's been years since the first symptoms appeared. We prayed and begged God(dess) for relief for her. Many of her blessings come in the form of added strength to Daddy (her sole caregiver) and some (twisted, but sometimes helpful) compassion from my old sister with obvious, serious personality disorder(s).
The decisions (whether "good" or "bad") made over the course of these past couple of years have led us to our dire current situation:
Daddy = 24/7 caregiver; Older Sister = administrator to all med docs and information/part-time caregiver/caregiver's assistant; Middle Sister (me) = part-time caregiver/caregiver's assistant; Youngest Sister = part-time caregiver/caregiver's assistant.
Nothing prepares you for being a caregiver in this type of situation. Or any situation.
So, what/who can help? Only God(dess) can help us at this point. Her Divine Intervention can bring relief in many forms and we thrive on those we receive and pray for more and more.
I am thankful for all of the Blessings we have received so far.
Thankful for all of the prayers sent up on our behalf from our friends and family.
Thankful that I am able to still look into my Mama's eyes and see her smile when I joke with her and tell her I love her...
Grateful for God(dess)'s obvious blessings upon my family and me...So VERY grateful.
Prayerful that She has mercy upon Mama...however She sees fit...
Goddess, please continue to bless and keep all of us and help us continue to do our best in Your eyes. This is so hard, but You have created us to be strong in your Light and I thank You for this strength...
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