Moms weigh in on family dinners

 we need to eat together more at a regular time

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We eat all of our dinners together now but it was a struggle getting to this point. Before our son was 18 months we did the rotating dinner game. I fed my son, while my husband ate then I ate while my husband entertained our son. It's better now that our son can feed himself and he isn't on such a restricted diet (he was lactose intolerant until he was 2).

I love it. It is the one time out of the day that we can all be together and not be distracted with other things.

--

Karen

http://www.thecommonrheas.com/

But at my parents' house, well, it's a different story.  We have always eaten together, Mum, Dad, 4 kids.  Well, there's been times when dad would only just get there in time, or not quite, or maybe have to have the news on in the backround.... but generally, we NEVER ate in front of the TV.

And once we were all old enough to wait for Dad to get home, it's always been a full house at dinner time.  As we got busier, it could be 4, 6 or 10 people around the table.  Any friends/colleagues/relatives who happened around, were always included.  My husband-to-be actually found the free-for-all a bit intimidating, with everyone talking at once, and so much laughter and carrying-on. 

I miss it.

Probably like many working spouses, my husband works late often. He gets home, on a good night, right before the kids get to bed. I would LOVE to have a family dinner together, all four of us. I know our examples as eaters would help my picky boys be more adventurous with their food. It breaks my heart that we can't do it more often than maybe once a week. But its just the reality. I try and eat with them also but often I end up snacking a bit with them and then sitting down with my husband later in the night. So we cook two dinners, one for the kids, one for us. Not good, not good, I know. But, my husband has to work late with what he does. Sure, he'd like something more family friendly but job options aren't exactly plentiful these days (not to mention he is back at school for his masters too). It is what it is but hopefully not like this forever. Maybe someday!

Caroline

http://morningsidemom.wordpress.com/

Hi Caroline,

While doing some research I came across several folks pointing out that it needn't be dinner that everyone eats together -- is it possible for your family to have breakfast together?

I agree that sometimes the realities of "modern" life can often preclude a family meal, but if you feel like something is missing in the current arrangement, maybe you could either substitute a different meal or designate a few meals on the weekend when your husband doesn't have to work.

Good luck with it!

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda ( http://wouldashoulda.com/ )

Having it all with less: Want Not ( http://wantnot.net/ )

Yep, I read all the books, I know how important it is.  I keep thinking that maybe when she's older (she's 19 months now) she can eat with us.  In reality, here's how it goes down: we get home from work and have to throw something together during that oh-so-difficult 5:30-6:30 hour when the baby's crying, the dog's barking, something is boiling over on the stove, and you still have visions of a nightmare day at work dancing in your head.  She's starving, so I feed her a hot dog or whatever she'll eat so my hubby and I can make dinner without her throwing a tantrum.  As soon dinner is ready, she's done eating and is demanding our attention.  We either pop in a movie for her or try to coax her into eating whatever we have.  Typing this out is making me realize I need to change this routine- are there any working moms out there that can relate to this?  

It gets a little nuts, but we eat together every night.  As my kids get older, I am amazed how many of their friends families not only don't eat together, but they don't even prepare dinner.  They just let the kids forage when they get hungry.  Sometimes my kids will come home after spending the evening with friends and they won't have fed them anything!  I think that family time only gets more important as they get older.  (As does the nutritional aspect.) 

Now, if I could just get them to take turns cooking...

Excellent post!

When my kiddos were smaller (read: less reasonable) I used my crock pot a lot -- dinner ready the moment we walked in the door! I also used to cook things on the weekend to be reheated during the week. It's hard enough to cook after a long day, even without a cranky toddler wailing at you. But there are ways around it, sometimes. It takes preparation and practice.

(And please understand that there were plenty of nights we all sat down with cold cereal and fruit because, well, that was all I could manage on a busy day. It's a process for sure.)

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda ( http://wouldashoulda.com/ )

Having it all with less: Want Not ( http://wantnot.net/ )

I do love my crockpot (just posted a mean chicken stroganoff recipe), but its tough to find recipes that will cook for 10.5 hrs (long commute).  

One thing I forgot to mention in my last post.  We always have dessert together. Now that its summertime, we take the little booger outside and share sugarfree popsicles together.  Hello compromise.  

Ahhh, family dessert. Now you're speaking my language. ;)

A programmable crock can be set to switch over to "warm" after the appropriate cook time... but I hear you... I've had delicious recipes turn to mush when the day ran long, myself.

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda ( http://wouldashoulda.com/ )

Having it all with less: Want Not ( http://wantnot.net/ )

Wow - that never even dawned on me! Because THAT might be possible. Thanks for the reply! And we really try on the weekends. I find playing music while we all eat can really help stimulate my kids to eat well too - who knew? Thanks again. 

Caroline

http://morningsidemom.wordpress.com/

Programmable crock pots? Where the @#$& have I been?

thanks for the heads up!

-----

Cindy

http://www.maternalmaddness.com

We almost always eat dinner together, and lunch if everyone is home (breakfast is impossible as everyone leaves the house at different times). I was having a late breakfast today and my 10 year old son came and sat with me so I didn't have to "eat alone."

I miss so much the toddlers snatching things off my plate, and the sticky fingers! The funny thing now is that instead of my cleaning their plates, they clean mine. There is NO better time that being with your family around the table!! : )

When my kids were young, we always had dinner together.  They might snack alone while I reheated what I'd prepared on the weekend, or threw together something quicly but we did it.

My husband and I now eat dinner at the same table at the same time most days of the week.  We both had demanding jobs and we decided to make it a habit and we uphold the habit.

My granddaughter eats at the table with her Mom and Dad.  She'a 16 months old and they've started that habit.  There's also no television near by and, even if she's eating something different from them, they're all at the table and in proximity.

 Like everything else in life, if you decide something is important to you, you'll manage to do it.  And if your ritual is around eating dessert with Dad always, eating breakfast as a family on Sundays, and any of the suggestions made by previous posters - keep that time precious because nothing else is as important.

Before too long, your children will be grown and perhaps living in different cities or on different continenets.  Their youngest days are the ones that you have the most control over - so do it now!

Over the years, we've eaten dinner at 3pm if that's what it took. We've also eaten dinner at 8pm. Family meals have always been important and I was always willing to work around the kids schedules, play practices etc.

Meals at the table together just tend to be very peaceful, stressfree times for everyone, a chance to really unwind. 

Audrey :)
http://audreyshomebiz.blogspot.com

 I'm big on family dinner time together.  For us, it's a great way to connect with one another.  We also do breakfast out on weekends every now and then.

And for the nights that I don't want to cook, I declare it "Make Your Own Dinner Night."  We usually gather around the tv and kick back on those nights.

Karen

 "Life is too short to pout all the time."

A Deaf Mom Shares Her World ( http://www.putzworld.blogspot.com )

Hands & Voices ( http://www.handsandvoices.org )

Both my husband and I work full time, and having a lot of time to craft creative meals, let alone think of anything to cook that doesn't come in a bag, is really not an option for us. If my almost-3 year old daughter had her way (and believe me, much of the time she does have her way for many of the reasons you list) we would eat nothing but frozen pancakes for breakfast, nothing but meatballs for lunch and nothing but hot dogs and mac & cheese for dinner.

My palatte and my constitution can't take that diet, so we've come up with some things that we've found work for us:

1) Snack at daycare & the car ride home - I always make sure I have snacks in the car ride home from daycare (I keep a box of single-serving packets of crackers in the trunk along with a case of the small bottles of water), and I also made sure I know what time they eat their afternoon snacks at daycare so I can be prepared for how hungry she'll be or not be when I come pick her up. My car looks like the cookie-monster's been binging and purging in it, with all the cracker and "letter of the day" cookie crumbs smeared into the banana pieces that cake the car floor and seat crevaces but her hunger gets satisfied and it's much more pleasant all the way around and it buys us much needed time when we do get home to be able to calmly prepare a meal.

 2) Two nights a week she gets to pick what's for dinner but the rest of the time we do. If she doesn't like it, she gets to have toast with Jam and some kind of fruit - we always have fruit in the house.  Or we'll have a treat ready for her like yogurt or berries and icecream but she has to eat at least 5 pieces of meat and 5 pieces of vegetable in order to get it. 

 3) We've started calling different foods by fun names that refer to other foods she knows and lvoes. Meatloaf is now "Giant Family Meatballs!". Beef kabobs are "Steak on a Stick!" and ravioli is "Pasta pillows" and we'll often make up weird stories about the food to go with it, to make it even more interesting. Like did you know that there's a whole FAMILY made out of pasta, and they sleep in pasta beds with pasta pillows just like the ones we're eating, and pasta blankets and pasta chairs. But oddly enough, they don't eat pasta for dinner. They eat STEAK ON A STICK. How weird is that? ;-0

4) I never though I'd believe it, but the good ol' reverse psychology tricks work... like "'Don't you DARE eat that piece of chicken. It's MINE. I just put it on your plate for safe keeping" or trying to sneak a bite off your child's plate and then pretending to get caught. 

5) We bought a slow cooker and usually once a week we'll use it to cook up one of those frozen bags'o'stew or potroast. I'm a lame cook. My husband loves to cook but he doesn't get home in time to do anything complicated. So we set it up in the morning before we leave for work, dump the frozen bag of food into it, and it's ready to eat by the time we get home. 

The main key we've found, for any of suggestions 2-5 above to actually have a prayer of working,  is staving off the initial hunger. Because once she is actually hungry enough to feel it, she is cranky, and we're pretty much done for no matter what we offer her.

I have several friends and for some none of the above works for them. Every kid is different, and every family mealtime is different! But thought I'd share in case it helps :-)  

Heather

Bringing Up Bobbin  ( http://www.timothyandheather.com )

My sixteen-year-old says "we're strange" in that we have dinner together at least four nights a week.  Both kids play multiple sports and our schedules have to be flexible, but I think the family dinner is REALLY important.

 We do the classic "favorite part of the day" (again, the teenager thinks this is lame) but we get to hear what everyone is up to and hopefully everyone gets a chance to share an uninterrupted thought. 

When either teen invites a friend to dinner we include them in the favorite part of the day topic.  While my daughter is embarassed with this ritual, we've had visiting teens say they appreciate a family meal and some have said, "my parents never stop to ask how my day was."  How sad is that?

Nancy Brown

http://blogs.bootsnall.com/What-A-Trip/

I have to agree that if you set this as a priority, you can make it happen.  I have a very busy family but we eat every meal together.  Dining table, tablecloth, cloth napkins.  I'm just old fashioned that way.  The biggest innovation in our breakfast schedule was getting a 4-slot toaster so we could keep the toast flowing. It's mayem sometimes if we start clowning around, but I love it.

Lit and Laundry ( http://litandlaundry.blogspot.com/ )

My husband and I eat dinner with our toddler (although, if the toddler had his way, he'd simply through his food around the room, while standing on top of the table) but we always have dessert alone. First, the toddler doesn't get dessert. Yet. I know that will change at some point! Second, and probably more important, it is just really nice to share some time with my husband -- alone -- while enjoying something sweet.

We usually have dessert after we've put our son to bed, so it is a quiet time and we can just kick back.

I love the tip about the crockpot -- I always forget to use mine! -- and about having breakfast together. Great idea, especially considering how so many experts say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Thanks for the post!

-- Felice

The Little Jobber  ( http://felicepd.wordpress.com )

I try really hard to have our whole family sit down together most nights of the week.  I try to cook ahead of time so we can reheat dinners and on busy nights, sometimes we'll have pancakes and fruit.  We always start dinner by telling each other what our favorite part of the day was that day.  My boys, 6 and 3, are always anxious to hear our answers.  It's something small, but a tradition I hope we carry on as they get older.

Me and the girls eat together every night.  My husband joins us when he can.  Sometimes later, sometimes not at all.  The girls fight over who gets to set the table.  That's one nice thing about them being 3 & 6!