A Monster Among Us

People who are afflicted with those desires often are really, really REALLY good at hiding in plain sight. They're often people, who, like your brother, are respected and in positions of authority. You only saw the tapestry he wove for you to see. Please don't blame yourself, forgive yourself. Suffering for the sake of suffering isn't going to help. Grieve for the loss of that person you knew being smoke in mirrors, yes, but don't beat yourself up.

Thank you for reading. The awareness that is spreading is keeping me going right now.

And I am so grateful to have you here listening. The awareness that I'm spreading is what's keeping me going and positive right now. If I can help just one person get a voice right now, I can feel a little bit better.

Thank you.

I'm beginning to realize that there are just too many questions and too much confusion to deal with this alone. I'm going to have to talk to a professional to work through all of this.

I hope that my sister in law, my niece, and I can develop a good relationship and spread some awareness. This is happening all around us and too many people are living in silence.

Thank you so much for reading.

I am ASTOUNDED by all of the stories that were shared with me after writing this. It's terrifying that it's so common and how many people are so in the dark. Awareness is so important and I hope I can spread a little. I'm 30 years old and people are JUST starting to talk about where this may all be coming from in the family. Why the silence? I don't understand.

My silver lining in all of this is I'm really looking forward to the relationship I'm going to develop with my ex sister in law and my niece. Together we're all going to do some good.

Thank you so much for reading. I wish I could express how grateful I am for all of the support and awareness this has generated. I think I am going to have to get help working through this. There are just too many questions and so much confusion in my head for me to deal with alone.

You know how they say "hindsight is 20/20?" Well, in this case it's not. Looking back there were no signs and that is terrifying to me. It could be ANYONE, and the amount of stories that were sent to me just solidifies how common this really is. Keep your babies close.

Thank you so much for reading this and sharing with me. I never want to forget this little girl and I want to help her have a voice. The amount of people that have shared private stories has been astounding. CLEARLY more awareness is needed. It's happening all around us and too many are blind.

I honestly don't know if I can expect this girl to forgive my brother when I don't know if I ever can.

As someone who has used a therapist in the past for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I think you're exactly right. A professional is going to be able to give me the support and knowledge that I need to work through all of this mess.

Thank you for reading.

I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am to BlogHer for giving me this voice. The support and comments have been amazing.

Thank you so so so much.

Nadja

I feel your pain although I can't extrapolate. I'm not ready. I wish I could give you answers but I feel like there are none: or at least I have to live without something quite so solid.

All I can say is I'm here. I'm listening.

I hope that you -- and that little girl -- can find peace.

Susan
Susan writes about life, kids, cancer, career, and balancing it all at http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com ( http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/ ),

( http://motherswithcancer.wordpress.com/ )

You didn't know what you didn't know. You guessed wrong. You can learn some lessons from this - and you'll have to figure out for yourself what they are, or maybe with the help of a competent therapist - but wallowing in it isn't helping anyone.

Maybe when you get your feet under you, you can share your experience with others, as you have begun to do here, to have some good come from this.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and sorry for the girl and the families involved.

I don't know what to say other than you shouldn't punish yourself. You only knew what you knew. You loved your brother & trusted that he was the man you built him up to be.

There comes a point when we realize those we idolize don't measure up to the standards we set them to. This isn't your fault. This wasn't your fault in any way.

I've dealt with situations of abuse before. It's tricky. Often times offenders were abused themselves, so there may also be another twisted side to this.

I know its hard but feeling guilty won't make any of it better. If you want to turn some small part of this into a positive, maybe get involved with organizations that help victims.

I hope you can forgive yourself. Maybe reconnect with your ex sister in law & see how she's dealt with it. Your all victims in this situation.

much love, shannon
www.livingwithumami.com ( http://www.livingwithumami.com )

I have no idea what I'd do in your situation. My suggestion to you is to get help. Therapy maybe. You do need to talk about. But you can't take it on yourself. That doesn't help the little girl, your family, or yourself. My thoughts are with you as you find your way through this time though.

Normally, when I don't know what to say or comment on a post, I simply don't comment. But on this....
This almost hit too close to home for me. Almost.
I love my brother unconditionally and I've often wondered since becoming a mother how unconditional "unconditional" can really go. No, my brother has not done anything terrible, but there are people in another life of mine who did.
I hope you know that this wicked part of your brother was something he kept in the shadows. You couldn't have known and the ill feelings you initially felt towards those who knew the truth were only natural in your case. You did nothing wrong.
I hope you find peace and healing with time. I hope you are able to move on.

Somer blogs at Merry Wife of Canon ( http://www.merrywifeofcanon.com ) as well as Smell My Plate ( http://www.smellmyplate.com ).

I was molested as a child and I know that as this child grows up, she wouldn't want you to suffer. She may want him to suffer, but not the family that didn't know anything about it. It took me a long time to forgive the person who did that to me, but I will never forget it. You need to start to heal in your own mind and heart. It may take you a while, but I believe you need to read the deposition. It's hard to do and I know it will be very hard and you will be even more horrified than you already are.

You should go and talk to someone about this. I know that blogging about it is a great first step and a way for you to get it off your heart. It does help, but you need to talk to someone who can help you through the rest of the grieving process. If you need someone to 'talk' on, I am here through email and what ever else you need.

Hugs
Stacy

I don't know what you're going through, so I couldn't possibly begin to tell you the right way to react in this situation. But I know from unfair events in my personal life, it wasn't until I begin the path of forgiveness that I truly began to heal. Of course, the ability to get to that road takes lots of time (and a good counselor can speed that process along).

Sending thoughts of love your way....

I know you know this - and I know you know that it wasn't your fault and you couldn't have changed anything.

But I have to say it anyway.

Also - I'd probably feel much as I imagine you're feeling.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I feel like I need to talk about this. I feel like I want everyone to read this and know. I want it shared with everyone.