It's Not Just Morning Sickness

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According to the Merriam Webster dictionary the definition of morning sickness is: nausea and vomiting that occurs typically in the morning especially during the earlier months of pregnancy.

Okay got that?

According to the same Merriam Webster dictionary the definition of Hyperemesis Gravidarum is: excessive vomiting during pregnancy.

Although they may seem similar, find one women who has been diagnosed with HG and ask her if she thinks they are comparable. Oh you found one, oh! It’s me? You really want to know what I think? Well, let me just shed some light on this situation shall I?

Screw you Merriam Webster!!! Yea, you heard me! Take your definition and shove it right up your ass. How about that huh?

Okay that was a tab bit extreme but let me just tell you why I’m kind of upset about this and then we will move on. Last night after dealing with yet another night of no sleep because I’m too busy trying to figure out which side to lay on that isn’t going to cause me to vomit all over my poor boyfriend, I realized that I hate the word morning sickness. It might be a stem off of my very late post last night of me venting, but I guess I wasn’t done.

I’ve been trying to rack my brain on things I could do to take my mind off of how I am feel but I can’t find that one saving grace yet. Last pregnancy I started knitting so I wasn’t so focused on wanting to go outside and smoke and it worked wonderfully. Now that I’ve been home for work these few months, I need to get a hobby before I burn the house down (if you are my home owners insurance and you are reading this… no I’m really not going to do that). Obviously I’ve started blogging again, hoping that maybe this will take some time away from HG. Give me the support I need and rally with other HG women so I know that I’m not alone.

I started cooking more, kinda like an oxymoron I know. But that was great for like a week until this HG has hit me hard again. See the funny thing about HG is that some days you feel like a normal pregnant person, glowing even! Other days I feel like the little girl from the exorcist spewing green bile all over everyone. Minus the “Fuck me” statements because frankly right now I’m giving the penis the silent treatment for making me think that getting pregnant was a good idea. (I kid…I kid) Then I decided that I was going to become the best damn house-mommy there ever was!!! I will leave no dust rest on my belongings and my children will have the best clothes ever because mommy made them and everything in the house will be organic because I grew it!!! I see myself standing on my front lawn in the superman cape in the wind pose with my boyfriend holding onto my daughter and both of them happier than pigs in shit because I am just that awesome!!!

Then just as I’m looking at sewing machines to buy and fabric to mend, my wonderful HG knocks on the door this morning like a bad debt collector and just takes everything from me. My will to even get out of bed this morning was robbed from me. I felt like I just lost the lottery. All these beautiful pictures I had envisioned were gone. What the fuck man?

Can you not just be a douche bag for 3.5 seconds and let me bask in the glory of my super mom dream? Of course not!!! NO I’d rather let you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and them boom knock you on your ass!! Mawh hahahahaha.

Now why is it that everyone associates HG with morning sickness?

HG is a debilitating and potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease marked by rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration due to unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting with potential adverse consequences for the newborn(s). –- That was taken right off of the Hyperemesis education and research foundation website.

Understandably those who have not been affected can take the road of “get over it mama.” Not realizing that the road is fully of u-turns and detours and pot holes. Day-to-day tasks are like running a marathon, and no, there is no high after pushing yourself to unload the dishwasher. Even my loving boyfriend who I know doesn’t mean it to come out this way is kinda on the bandwagon of Buck up.

As I sit here today sipping on my tea after choking down a slice of dry toast, I wonder to myself if I will ever again have any more children. But then the thought of taking the chance of a son away from Steven is disheartening to me. I wonder why my doctor has taken me off of my IV fluids at home when I explained to her that they were making me feel better. But instead wants me to go into the ER and get fluids every time I become dehydrated. Why the doctor is refusing to do anything other than up my medication every time I go in there…. It’s quite frightening knowing that I take the same medication for my nausea that those on chemotherapy take. And every time they do increase my dose the doctor always says, “We cannot go any higher, this is the max!” then boom, I come back in and express how this isn’t doing shit, that I’m pulling out my hair and I’m STILL losing weight and magically that max dose I had last time is now okay.

Merrion Square - Oscar Wilde by Danny Osborne (1997)

So I guess I kinda am like super mom right now. Yes, everything in the house is dusty, and laundry is piling up, it is well past noon and both myself and Addison are still in our pajamas -- but I am making a baby. I am pushing through the thought of wanting to crawl into a ball and just sleep so my daughter can have breakfast. I am fighting with myself every day to not break down in front of anyone because I know that if I do, nothing good will come out of it.

No, I do not need your pity; I need those who have never had HG to realize that we are not just dealing with a bad case of morning sickness. That every pregnancy IS different and I don’t expect you to understand what we are going through, but don’t be ignorant and just think we are whiny princesses because we can’t “deal” with the nausea and/or vomiting.

I have HG. I am a mother of a healthy 2-year-old, the future mother of a healthy newborn and the girlfriend of a loving significant other. If that is not being super mom then I don’t know what is. 

 

Photo Credit: infomatique.

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