Momma, Will You Ask God to Send You Back to Me?
Despite my personal convictions, we sent Ava to a Christian pre-school where she learned about Jesus and God and even prayed over lunch. It’s important to me that she be exposed to both sides of the equation. Not just because we live in the Bible Belt, but because I feel faith should be a personal choice.
As a mother, when faced with complicated questions like, “Where do we go when we die?” I can see where religion plays a comforting role. It makes sense, but it’s just not for me. My goal is to let her make her own choices, to develop her own beliefs and find what works for her.
And, as a mother, I feel my role is to help shape her values, help guide her on the path to self discovery. One of the most important values I hope to pass on to her is tolerance. At seven, she understands that not everyone believes the same thing. She doesn’t strive to be the one who is right, the winner of religion. She is tolerant. That makes me proud. And grateful.
“Momma, you are 38 and that’s old,” she continued. “I’m going to be a grandma in, like, a minute and you will be gone.”
I squeezed her closer and assured her as best I could.
“I’m still very young, Ava. And it will be a very long time before you are a grandma. We still have so many more years together.”
Her gorgeous blue eyes were misty. She smiled and hugged me tightly again.
“I love you, Momma. More than you can ever imagine,” she said.
I fought hard against the tears welling up from deep inside, hugged her back and breathed in the sweet smell of her hair, her skin, her beauty.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that being a parent is equally as hard as it is rewarding. Before becoming a mother, the thought of not reuniting with my loved ones in an afterlife was just reality for me. Now, I already miss her, but I am thankful for every moment I have with her in this life.
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