A Mother Born...

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

This weekend was absolutely beautiful.  The weather hovered around 70 degrees, bright sunshine, with a wind that tousled my hair just a little as we walked downtown. 

In what is fast becoming the Collins’ family tradition for a pretty day…we headed down to a favorite field downtown and Paul and Zion played soccer, while Phoenix and I cheered from the sidelines.  It was an almost idyllic moment to watch the people I love the most in this life laughing and running and enjoying the fresh change of weather. 

As I watched the little blond curls on Zion’s head bounce as he chased after the soccer ball, I became very overwhelmed with emotion.  My memory flashed back to his first toddles through the park when he had just learned to walk.  There was a similarly warm day in February when we were living in Maryland, he was only about 13 or 14 months old and I took him out to let him try out his first pair of big boy shoes—Converse All Stars.


It seems like no time at all since that pretty day at the park.  I told my mother today, the older Zion gets the younger I feel—do I REALLY have a FOUR year old child?  Am I old enough for all this??  And at the heart of these questions—do I really have what it takes to be this blossoming young man’s mother? 


If there is anything I’ve learned from my sweet Zion, it’s to run on sure feet, even if it means you will stumble now and then.  And if the quotation above is true, then the mother part of me is also only 4 years old, and just like I don’t place too many expectations on Zion to be more than a 4 year old is capable of being…maybe I need to cut myself some slack every now and then too! 

I’d love to hear from anyone who might read this post:  How long did it take you to feel like a “real” mother?  What does that even mean to you?


Lydia writes about life, motherhood, marriage, and becoming the woman she longs to be at Imperfect Bird.


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