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I am an American living in France with my french husband and three bilingual children.  I write about life, love, heartbreak, humor, strugg...
 
 
 
 

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Motherhood. In France.

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The alarm goes off early at 7:20.  It's on purpose because I need those extra 10 minutes to snooze.  I can usually swing it, even getting up as late as 7:40, then pushing everyone to be ready on time to make it down to the corner bus stop by 8:10.  But I usually need at least one extra snooze.

 

I wake the unwilling kids up and shove them into their clothes, then up the stairs to have breakfast.  The biggest part of the battle is done because they don't have to finish breakfast, but they obviously can't go to school half-naked.  They eat toast with jam and butter and hot chocolate.

 

Once the bus picks them up, I toy with the idea of going with Peanut into Paris - I mean I do live here after all! - to go to a museum or visit some trendy shops, but the idea of having to change trains on the metro is too much of a deterrent for me.  I can't handle the winding corridors and the up-and-down-the-stairs it will entail just to get from one train to another, not even to mention the stairs exiting the metro.  Plus, a lot of the entrances aren't equipped with handicap exits, which is really hard to manage with the stroller.  (Heck, even the social security in my last town didn't have a handicap entrance, so why should anyone else care?)

 

For my guilty pleasure, I go to my old comfortable stomping ground - the mall at La Defense.  There are always elevators and escalators there, and everything is accessible and easy.  I stop at Starbucks - they greet me as an old friend and I explain that we moved away.  The sweet caffeine jolt puts me in a pleasantly tolerable mood, which lasts almost an hour.  I peruse the shops, but a lot of the nice stores don't have clothes in my size.  (Without admitting my actual size, I'll say that I would be able to find it in a normal store in the States).

 

I've gained a lot of weight in the recent years from post-pregnancy, sleep-deprived snacking.  Going to a gym would really help as I love exercise, but most people do sports through the town hall, which requires committing once a year for the whole year; it's expensive .... and it's just not the treadmill which is sometimes all you want that day.  I know the real answer is to eat like a french woman, but this post is not about that right now.

 

So I head into the kids' shops.  That's a real pleasure for me as clothes will always look great on my babes.  I try not to spend too much (although that's hard because unless you buy everything in the supermarket you can't, for instance, get shoes for less than 40 euros = $52 when the dollar is strong).  I run into an old acquaintance who still lives in the area.  We chitchat a bit and I realize that I miss how friendly everyone is in this little corner where almost no one is French.

 

I head back in time to feed Peanut and put him down for a nap.  I pass by all the bakeries, whose offerings I cannot enjoy due to an intolerance to gluten.  I head into the cheese shop, but the hundred varieties have lost some of their interest for me, especially without the baguette.  I get the usual camembert, Mr. Welcome's preference for daily meals.

 

With Peanut

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Miss Welcome 5 pts

I used to live in Taiwan so I KNOW what you mean. Once when I went swimming (and wore a swimming cap), an older gent asked me, "Why your head so little, your body so big?" I should be immune to it all by now! :o)

Cheers,

Miss Welcome

aaustin13 6 pts

Wow, you really have a lot going on. I'm so sorry. :(

I have a distant Chinese relative - talk about a culture where they're not afraid to tell you how to lose weight! The Chinese make the French look positively reserved in that department. She flat out asked me if all my friends are fat, too. I replied, "No, I only have skinny friends, because they let me finish their dessert."

Try to keep your chin up, and your sense of humor. It's either laugh or cry, right?

 http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

Miss Welcome 5 pts

Hi aaustin13 - thanks so much for taking the time to comment and for your sweet words.

In my blog I'm pretty open about the fact that I take anti-depressants, a treatment that's going on 15 years following a car accident with head trauma. So what I'm experiencing isn't PPD, although it's not surprising that's what you concluded given how widespread it is. (My "baby" is almost two as well) :-)

As far as the weight goes, a great deal of it is linked to the anti-depressants, and certain past injuries make even things like walking difficult at times. It's a big change for me as I used to be quite sportive, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that I can't even do the most basic things without making things worse.

But I guess what I wanted to communicate is that in a country where it's already difficult to make friends with people, and on top of that where people are almost universally thin and have no problem telling you what you need to do to lose all that weight, it can be hard to feel secure in the face of all that.

But as I mentioned, this is all the negative thoughts rolled into one day. Most days aren't like that (all at once), and in spite of an incredibly stressful year adjusting to a new town and living in a house under major renovation, things are sure to look up.

Cheers,

Miss Welcome

aaustin13 6 pts

The loneliness you talk about, the perfectionism, your body image, the lack of energy to do anything outside of your routine... Sweetheart, you sound depressed to me. How old is the baby? Could it be PPD? I wasn't diagnosed until my baby was 8 months old - it's not something that has to happen when the baby is tiny.

I strongly encourage you to talk to a doctor about what you're feeling. Maybe getting treatment for the depression (if that's what it is) would help with the weight troubles, too. And exercise is great for relieving the symptoms of depression (endorphins, etc.) so you could get into an upward spiral for a change, instead of a downward one.

Maybe you could add a walk to your routine, after the kids catch the bus?

Yes, being a mother of young children is isolating and difficult, no matter where you are, but it sounds to me like you've got something a little more serious going on. Do try to get some help, if not for yourself, for your kids.

With love and empathy,
Amy

 http://prettybabies.blogspot.com