Motherhood Unexpected


It's been almost 6 years since I became a mom. It's been almost 6 years since I looked into those beautiful blue eyes and instantly fell in love. It's been almost 6 years since that perfect 4 year old little boy first called me Mommy.

I don't have a birth story nor do I have the experience of child-birth. I was told at an early age that getting pregnant and carrying to term would be near impossible for me. Those words sent me into a downward spiral as all I had ever wanted was a child of my own. After several miscarriages I had all but given up on ever being a mom; and then the unthinkable happened.

I met a man that loved me; that was almost as broken as I was. This man had a son who had been abandoned by his mother 2 years earlier. I never imagined that this man would be the one I spent the rest of my life with. Nor did I imagine his child was going to be my reason or living.

When I first met Dameon he was 3 years old. He was a happy healthy child who lit up the rooom when he entered. He was smart and funny and could make the grumpiest person smile. We laughed and played together and grew extremely close over the next few months. One day Dameon called me Mommy. I quickly corrected him, "No, I'm Amber." He apologized and looked so hurt. That was not my intention. My only intention was to make sure I didn't do anything to hurt this child. By this time his birth mother had come back into the picture and I didn't want anyone to feel like I was trying to take her place.

A few months later it happened again; he called me Mommy. That word brought tears to my eyes and I carefully thought before I spoke. I explained to him that I loved him but he had a mommy and I couldn't ever replace her. He looked at me with puzzled eyes and rebutted, "Mommys are the ones who take care of the babies. I'm almost a baby and you take care of me."

It wasn't long after that conversation that I realized I was his Mommy. The woman who gave birth to him left him after he spent almost 2 months in the hospital due to her negligence. She came to see him maybe once a month. What was she? I was the one that was there to comfort him and make him feel safe. I was the one who kissed the boo-boos and lit the birthday candles. I was the one who tucked him in and chased away the boogey man. If I wasn't his mommy then who was?

6 years later I'm the proud mama of a beautifully perfect 9 year old son. I'm not perfect by any means. I don't always cut off the crust, and sometimes I forget to check under the bed. We fight and disagree and he tells me I'm mean. But at the end of the day I hear the most beautiful words anyone could ask for: "I love you Mommy."

While I don't have a birth story or stories of infanthood, I have the best son in the world and what's even more- he chose me.

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