Did I Give Up Everything Wonderful and Pretty to Become a Mom?

It's sort of like when it's poring down rain, you want sunshine. And when it's 104 degrees, you wouldn't mind some rain. :) There's a season for everything, and motherhood isn't the same. But, like you say, hard to remember when you're right in the middle of it that things will pass and times will change. :)

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

Jenn, I truly appreciate your comment and perspective here. And I appreciate your very wise reminder that both sides need to acknowledge the good and the bad in a given situation or life choice. Really, thanks so much for chiming in!

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

Thanks so much for the encouragement, I appreciate it! And I'm glad you came over from Twitter, too. It's amazing how all the twists and turns of social media can still lead us to like-minded people. Happy to "meet" you here. :)

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

How true that is - that it all depends on where we stand as to what we see. Thanks for that thought!

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

I love your phrase "the very middlest of middle roads" - it sound like something Dr. Seuss might say! And remember, he was an incredibly wise man. :) Thanks so much for your comment.

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

Lydia, if I could cross-stitch, I'd make you a little sampler of that quote, or a pillow or something. :)

Really, though, I have those exact same moments when all I want is to be alone, but then I have to go and make sure they're all breathing in their sleep (yes, even the older ones - it's a hard habit to break). It's rarely just a smooth, quiet in-between.

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

Thanks so much for your kind words - I'm glad you enjoyed this!

I am *so* looking forward to the stage you are in - grown children and grandkids! I imagine it's even more spectacular to look across your life with them and see what motherhood has meant to you. Thanks for sharing!

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

I think I know just what you're talking about in terms of precious time. I went back to college full-time when I was 32 and we had four kids. While many of my college-age classmates were goofing away their time, I was paying attention, doing my work, and getting it all done. No time to waste! Especially since I knew what a sacrifice it was to my family and how closely my kids were watching me. The little critters do sort of make you want to be a better person, don't they? :)

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

In many ways, I was the opposite of you - I became a mom at 19 before I had even tasted adventure. :) In some ways, I think it was better for me to not know any different, if that makes any sense.

And I think what you said about media being able to sell motherhood as utopic is spot on. I can think of MANY commercials where the house is spotless and the mother the picture of contentment. Sometimes I suppose it's easier to see the extremes of motherhood than the truth.

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

Yes, sting! That's exactly the word to describe how I felt! And you're so right about the mysterious nature of motherhood. Thanks for the comment!

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

"It’s a fine balance between adoration and madness." <---- Yes!! Exactly, yes.

And it's easy, when you're not a mom, to wave off the idea of motherhood because you understand the madness of it from the outside looking in. But I don't think anyone has the capacity to understand the adoration part until they're a parent.

Blogging to maintain sanity at Phase Three of Life ( http://phasethreeoflife.blogspot.com/ ).

Like the other commenters, I feel as though I could have written this same post - although probably not as eloquently! Thank you for capturing what many (if not most) mothers feel and sharing it with the world. I'm so glad I found this post on twitter!

As an unmarried woman with absolutely no intention of having kids, I loved this post, and the following comments! It's such a great reminder that no matter what our life choices, there is a tendency to feel judged (and then to judge others) when we only see pieces of a story. Given MY life choices, I often feel judged for not being a 'grown up', as if the only way to prove my maturity is to get married and have a kid, so I always find it fascinating that those who HAVE made that life choice feel just as judged/unappreciated. There is no perfect choice that fits everyone - my choices don't work for others, just as their choices don't work for me. Part of the reason I feel such admiration for mothers is that I am quite aware that I could never do what they do, but that is also why I don't try. I will never get the benefits of motherhood but I also won't have to pay the costs. I think it's when we forgot that there are BOTH benefits AND costs (or try to pretend that there aren't), that we run the risk of offending people/being offended unnecessarily.

Jenn

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I became a mother when I was 18--it was not planned, I was 5 months pregnant when I got married back in 1970. I had 3 kid before I was married four years. My youngest child was 3 weeks old on my 22nd birthday. I cried, sobbing, all night long because I felt like all I would ever accomplish in my life was be a mother.

40 years later, I feel that being a mother was my greatest accomplishment. Even though I held a very good job with a large corporation for more than 20 years, landed my dream job as a park ranger when I was 56, was on the board of directors for the local shelter for battered women, etc., being a mother outshines any of those things.

When your adult children describe you as their "hero" on their public MySpace pages, when they say to the world on Facebook that you are their "best friend", when they call you to ask how to cook that salmon recipe for the 30th time, or to cry on your shoulder when their world is crumbling around them---all of those things show that the hard work and sacrifice you have done is not in vain. That YOU have made at least a small portion of the world a better place. And THAT can't be shown as a "thing" in a "dream" store, because in the beginning, we don't know that is what we are dreaming for.

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I understand and empathize. The "mom" implication is usually one that paints a not-so-flattering picture. Mom jeans? 'Nuff said.

Wonderful post.

Sandra is a Mom, and Army Wife, a Friend, and a Coffee Enthusiast.  

Shenanigans can be found at www.contemplationsofanarmywife.blogspot.com ( http://www.contemplationsofanarmywife.blogspot.com ).  

Wonderful post Stacey.

Parenting is both pain and pleasure. And if you're not ready for it, the pain can vastly out weigh the pleasure.

There's a survey somewhere that indicates that people with children are less happy than those without. I think that just follows a pattern we have where we tend to discount, or forget, the happy times. We focus more on the bad times. Just look at our news media.

Natalie   www.thoughtful-self-improvement.com ( http://www.thoughtful-self-improvement.com )

You captured it perfectly. I adore my children, and cannot imagine NOT having little ones around. I cannot fathom people choosing NOT to have children. However, when I'm gagging on and endless day with no adult interaction, mess after mess, tantrum after tantrum, I do secretly long for those days!

Thank you for sharing your perspective!

This is a brilliant post and true on so many levels. Couldn't have said it better myself!!

I too feel completely torn about motherhood - torn between completely adoring my kids to death, to craving some form of freedom and guilt free time spent doing whatever I want to do.

But, I keep telling myself that having young children who are dependent on me is a stage and like all stages, they pass. I will probably long to have these days back once they are gone so it is important to live in the moment. Easy to say, VERY hard to do!!

Thank you for this post - loved it and refreshing to hear someone else feels the same.

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Stacey - fantastic. So, SO fantastic. I felt the same scorn when I saw that commercial, and I'm so glad you wrote what you did.

I hate and love that being a mother is the very middlest of middle roads, that everything is true and not true at the same time.

Excellent!

The Mrs ( http://www.themrs.ca ) Housewifery, general cheapskatery, and butter. Lots of butter. Sometimes even on bread.

"This motherhood thing – it’s not easy. It’s a fine balance between adoration and madness."

Can I make this the motto of my life???

I just loved this post. I understand this paradox all too well being a SAHM of two little boys. One minute I'm wrestling them both down for naptime...the next minute I'm watching them sleep and aching to pick them up and smother them with kisses!

This also reminded me of a single friend of mine on Facebook. She posted one day about how "lame" moms are when they only talk about their kids on Facebook, or give too many details about "the boring life of being a mom". I found myself SO offended by these comments! They brought out this mama bear side of me that made me want to yell at her that she just doesn't GET IT.

I agree with a previous commenter...we really do need more positive images of motherhood in the media. Even if the single ladies don't get it, maybe it'll at least help us deal with the paradox a little better ourselves :-)

http://imperfectbird.tumblr.com

I love, love this piece ~ two-thumbs way up! ~ thank you for writing it! You have captured here everything I would have said. As a mom, I have experienced both the good and the bad, the sane and insane, but I would not trade a single moment for what I have today.

I have 3 grown children and 2 grandsons (they are an extension of ME!), and they are my reason for my existence. I really was nothing before they came along.

I find the same paradoxical pull. I love my kids to death, yet I also can't stand them. They make me nuts. BUT I actually get more done now that I realize how precious every second of my time is. They've taught me to be efficient. And I think I learn so much about myself from seeing how my kids mimic me. Lovely.

Stacey,

I love this piece mostly because it is unabashedly honest about how some moments of motherhood are not shiny and perfect. I imagine you already know that all too well as a mother of five. Still I think your writing leads to a great discussion.

I'm new to this business and came into the gig in a relatively ungraceful way...in fact, it was downright life altering. But here's what I know for sure: I waited to have a child until I was at a point in my life when I really wanted to have a kid and was ready to let go of some of the time/adventure indulgences I had come to love in my childless adult years. I'm not saying I won't fight tooth and nail for some of them to come back but I also won't play the game that nothing has changed. Having a child was a choice and in choosing, some opportunities have become less of a reality.

I found the commercial to be a pretty interesting representation of what it's like to be a woman who is not looking to become pregnant. It's a good life. The "treats" she has time for are rather delectable; the music a bit mesmorizing - so much so you almost don't hear all the disgusting side-effects that come with taking the pill, which reminds me that not having children comes with it's own set of compromises. I find this to be pretty good marketing and I wouldn't mind my daughter watching this commercial. I'm sure they could come up with a utopic spin on parenting as well, they just need the specific product to sell.

I felt a maternal sting when I saw that commercial, too. But I would not have cared in my younger years. Motherhood is the most mysterious mix of life, the media has a hard time placing it in positive light. But we need it.

When I was in the grip of those days with my young son, the leash felt very short. I admit now that I have more "me" time, the idea of the world that awaits if we have a second (much less 5th--you are a queen!) baby seems daunting.

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.