Mothers Without Custody?

i am goin through the same thing, my oldest daughter hs been gone for almost a year now. her sperm donor that calls himself daddy took her and gave her to my father and his wife. they accuse me of being unfit and unstable. i take care of my 2 year old on a daily basis. it's hard to fight this because of his friends in the county he is from. prayers that God will soon end this pain would be great:) amen to the other sisters goin through the same. it's very hard not having one of your children and not being able to see them much, and when you do it's supervised, as if i need supervision. nobody stays up my butt everyday with my 2 yr old.

.I AM TIRED OF HAVING TO GO IN BETWEEN STATES TO GET MOTHER RIGHTS, I HAVE RAISED FOR 7 YEARS, I NEVER LEFT THEIR SIGHT, MY STORY SOO COMPLICATED IT CAN BECOME A BOOK...

I Dont how the Legal system Pays for Criminals to have an attorney present and when U r a Mother Trying To defend U Rights, the Judge does not listen since U do not have an attorney present. Judges Riducle You only.. WHY THE PEOPLE ARE GIVING THEM THAT POWER...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ABUSE. MY EXHUSBAND AND STEPMOM WHO ARE FOREIGNERS INTO THIS COUNTRY IS CAUSING PARIENTAL ALIENATION... WHY DO FOREIGNERS AND CRIMINALS ARE GIVEN MORE RIGHTS.....I am interested in created a Chain reaction movement...cosha2020@hotmail.com

PLEASE ALL MOTHERS WHO ARE OR HAVE BEEN WITHOUT YOUR CHILDREN: Could you send the state you reside in and your name (even just first name) and email to the listed email here. I have started a mission that God has led me to do. Fighting for the unheard voices of the children in the unjust legal system that is turning its back on mothers and leaving children with a childhood of emotional distress. There are some states passing legislation in regards to military members not having custody taken from them due to deployment and that is outrageous as well being a military child myself. I will do whatever it takes to one day be heard at every level for the sake of children everywhere. I would like to get a register of people made and begin from there...... justice2come2012@gmail.com

www.perilsofdivorcedpauline.com ( http://www.perilsofdivorcedpauline.com )

My ex now has full custody of one of our children. I am a sane, working mom with a Masters Degree, and have never had more than a parking ticket. My ex-husband doesn't work and has infinite time and money on his hands to fight. I had to given him full physical and joint legal (in name only, I also gave him school choice, medical and mental health choice) custody because I could no longer afford to fight. AND it was incredibly destructive for our son.

The family court system is like a circus fun house--nothing makes sense. Unfortunately, the richer, crazier person tends to win.

It's small comfort, but there are MANY more non-custodial mothers out there than ever before. You're not alone.

I have not seen my 6 year old since he was 10 weeks old. I have been raising his little brother his entire life. I need help and I need a support group. The speed and energy of it gets the better of me every day.

I've been fighting for custody of my daughter for 8 years against her grandmother (father's mom) I had court documents that easily say if my daughter doesn't reside with her father custody transfer to me. But the courts in Illinois didn't want to follow the orders. Now my daughter who is 13 is pregnant, I need to get them out of this abusive household. So thanks for the encouragement.

ive been going threw this hell for more then 2 years now. Scared alone searching for answers. Trying to carry on day to day life with my other two children. I've even found an old love and made it new again. But under those "I'm doing good" or half hearted smiles there is a pain that I thought only I knew about. It was only after a rediculous amount of Internet/library research I found that I am NOT alone. That this is a pandemic! Many children are being taken from their mothers by their fathers. Like you my ex-husband was an abuser and not just to me but to my oldest daughter as well. He is military p as well and moves constantly has never had stability in his life and was an all around bad person but he sure had me fooled for a time! I never thought for a second he would be granted my baby! But he was and without the money to help me there is little I can do! But continue to allow him to hurt her, me, all of us. He gets to keep abusing me even after I left. Maybe this is why women stay! I would endure whatever he had to pan out if it meant being with her everyday! But what would that solve? Nothing instead I would have three emotional hurt children instead of one. Anyway I am thankful to know I am not alone! If only we could mend each others broken hearts, and get our babies back. Someday:)

I read through the blogs here and I was absolutly appalled at the response of a Step Mama's response. First off there is no understanding what a mother goes through who has lost custody in any form of her child. I personally have joint custody with my ex and have made the decision upon myself to not see my 4 year old son because of his fathers childish games. He has threatened to put bruises on my son and blame me or my fiance if I see my son and I ABSOLUTLY REFUSE TO EVER PUT MY CHILD THROUGH THAT. I would rather die 1 million horrifying deaths than to allow my son to be harmed, emotionally or mentally. Do you know why it is most children do react in a negative manner when they are with their fathers and "step mothers?" This is because of all of the negativity they are spoon fed from their fathers about their mothers. Step mothers will always stand up and see their NEW HUSBANDS as picture perfect dads, but sweetheart just because he is good to you doesnt mean he was good to us. People do change and in that if these wonderful dad's have changed dont you think the mothers are entitled to the same? I deal with a back stabbing, ruthless step mother that my son is being raised by and even though I have my own feelings reguarding my ex and her I am still thankful to God that she is there for my son. This doesnt mean I like her, it just means I appriciate that she is there to help my son grow. I know the day will come that my son will come to me and ask why I havent been there, and for that I keep a journal from the day after that horrible court decision was made. I attempted to take the visitations but really what is that teaching a child? He was pulled back and forth from mommy and daddy, balling his eyes out every time he had to go back to daddies because he didnt understand and wanted to stay with mommy. He often called me by my first name because daddy hates me, but would tell me he knew I was his mommy and I would always reiterate how lucky he was to have 2 mommies to love him so, but he just didnt understand. I absolutly cannot allow myself to do that kind of emotional and mental abuse to my son. His father has done what he has done to tourment me, and mind you it is working well. There is not a day I dont wake up wondering why I am here, without my baby by my side I feel useless and horrible, but God has a plan. I can handle the emotional abuse, my son doesnt deserve to go through it. I would rather him be in a steady house with his father and step mother, aka his "mom", (and I just cant tell you how much that makes my blood boil to type that word for her), but he is being raised in a steady enviornment, not being torn from different houses and he is going to be able to have a sense of home. Not just mommies and daddies houses. My son deserves better than that, and if that means Im a bad person than I am a horrible one no doubt, but I know my daily suffering will be brought to peace when Gods plan comes to light. My son deserves the very best and that he will get. Perhaps if more STEP MOMS would open their hearts and realize that your "step childrens mothers" are moms just like you, your hearts would warm just a little. I see you as just a bad person when you are putting judgement on a person only knowing half of the story, step moms will never know the real truth because your men have learned how to play the games really well with us, and the courts, Pshhhh, they are just as useless and heartless, they just wanna make their money and go home. Their is no truth in judicial only in God.

I would first like to say how disappointed I am in such a culturally aware and supposedly upstanding country which seems to think it is a good idea to seperate children from their mothers. I mean, if a mother on drugs who has recovered can fight and win custody I don't understand how all of us women have had our children taking away. We have been loving, self-sacrificing and responsible in the care of our babies. I have three now separated from me. (AND TO THE ONE THAT POSTED THAT NASTY COMMENT ABOUT WOMEN GETTING IT TOGETHER...WELL WHEN YOU HAVE WALKED ONE DAY IN OUR SHOES, THEN YOU TALK ABOUT THAT MESS YOU TYPED. THIS IS FOR SUPPORT ONLY, SO DON'T COME IN BEING THE ABUSIVE REFLECTION OF YOUR HUSBAND THINKING YOU ARE DEFENDING A RIGHTEOUS MAN. JUST BECAUSE HE WEARS A SUIT AND TIE DON'T MAKE HIM DAD OF THE YEAR. AND IF YOU CHECK THIS, IT DOES NOT REQUIRE YOUR RESPONSE, JUST KEEP IT MOVING AND DON'T MAKE COMMMENTS ABOUT THINGS YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.) Now ladies, I am here for you and the very similar thing happened to me. I went in to a divorce came out with nothing...not even my babies. They cry for me and the cry everytime they have to leave Mommy behind. Their fathers knows it and he doesn't even care. I am fighting for custody and they tell me I have to prove he is an unfit father to get the kids...well no one EVER proved I am an unfit mother, so now what! When I do get my babies back, when we all get our babies back...let's form a group to help other women to get educated in the legal system so this doesn't happen to them! Much love and support to all the Mommies in the struggle for custody!

I have a similar story that i am dealing with right now and i am looked at as a horrible person when i have done nothing wrong. I have hired lawyers and they havent helped me. I feel this is hopeless and im missing my kids so much it hurts! Thank you for your story.

I have a long story too and I dont know how similar it is to your's but I cry most days. I do have my children, but the only way according to the courts, that I can keep them is to agree to never move back to my home state. I am stuck, alone, no fam living in WV and I am 45 with no retirement, I own no home and my car is going down hill. I live each day in a rut. Same ol' same 'ol and I am homesick in the worst way. It is hard when he has gone on with his life and threw our marriage away, still hops job and has a new wife and baby and his rich fam covers up his crap and they are like greedy lions licking their chops just waiting for me to crumble and say "I give up!" "Take them! I must go home because I cant bear being without my family! My granddaughter who dont really know me!" They know I'm hurting for "home" and have been for 5 years and they are only buying their time until I choke and sign them over to them. When I read what other posters on hear say, I feel sorta thankful because I do have my kids, but it is also painful having them and knowing that they see a sad Mommy who wants to leave the pain behind here and make my exodus from the place to my home where my kin are. I cry most every day and I am finding that it makes me look older now and I also see myself having become introverted up here where I walk and drive around like a loner. I feel like I am disconnected like a person in prison who never sees their loved ones again. I call home a lot so that I can hear-just hear their voices-my siblings who I love so much. My oldest daughter by my 1st husband (that I regret ever leaving back years and years ago) takes such good care of my grandbaby yet she has her life at 22 and so I dont really talk to her often. I feel so much regret for leaving her in FL back when she was 14 and coming here with my now X and I feel I owe it to her to make up for the past and come home, yet what about these babies here? Theyre only 8 and 7. Too young to leave too. Most folks say I'd regret it if I ever left to go back home. They say that my 22 year old is now grown and my little ones need me more. I feel indebted to owing her my time out of sorrow for coming to WV with my X.

I live in WV and this is crazy but I am going through STILL the same thing and yes, the tempting thoughts that hound me constantly about letting him have them and going back home are sometimes unbearable! Do you have the constant back-n-forth "should I go and let them stay?" or "should I stay until they're older then go?" and every other conceivable thought like that? I have researched my situation for over 5 years non-stop for an answer! The X has offered that I go without the kids and leave them with him, not pay any suppt and that he would let me see them generously but I just cant believe that he is being trustworthy due to how he showed me what kind of so-called husband for the 10 years he was married. I've went down the relocation route now for 5 years and I'm still here, only me and my kids in WV with no fam suppt. He and his rich fam want me to fold and hand over the kids and sometimes I think about it and really just want to go home with them but he wont let me and like you, the custody evaluator lady even offered "why dont you just go home and let him have them? You seem soooo sad" (like a snake and I saw right through her). Please reply and let me what is going on with you.

Please let me know how I can put my voice in on your fight in your state. We have this crookedness here in WV too. We keep the same old FCJ's here for years and years who are so old-school. What can I do to get my voice in your fight? I have a long story to tell and it needs to be told.

Hi Mamma Bear! I always felt I was the only one. I read where you lost the retirement. I too had to use my 401 K with a company I worked with for 12 years to save our home because he was too hoppy on jobs. I've always been the bread winner and the one who's been there and for 10 years of marriage he cheated with everything that walked, drank behind my back and smoked pot. His fam has money and basically they've covered his "poop" like cats do. He dresses for success, but behind all of this is a man who has a meanial job and has been able to successfully kept me stuck in his state of WV for 5 years now (though I have full custody of the kids) and I cant go back home to my fam in FL where my fam and my suppt system is. I am homesick beyond words and most every day I cry and I am almost addicted to the internet for an outlet because I am lonely here. I cant just get in my car and drive to my fam's house because I'm too far away and I have cried to him to please relieve me to let me take the kids and go "home" and he says he understands but the whole while he refuses to give me the clearance. I have assured ovedr and over that i would be generous with the kids seeing him throughout the year but it does no good. He wants me fold from the homesickness and lack of money, resources and suppt and just hand over the kids. Sometimes I get so tired of trying to work, go to school and doing it all but I keep saying "how would I feel if I DID do what he wants and voluntarily take the NCP postion and then I go home and then the nights come and I wonder what they're saying to my babies about me?" I wonder what it would be like calling them up here from down there and them not being comfortable enough to talk to me because the presence of them surrounding them on the phone. I think my children would grow apart from me and so the pain from BOTH ends never lets up for me. I am 45 and I have not a pot to pee in and I am alone in a state that is not my home. I now have no retirement, I own no home and my car has a torn off bumper and I'm on foodstamps and trying to pull it back together by going to college to get a better paying job.

Hi Mom-

This is over a year after your posting, so I dont know if you'll get it but let me tell you that you are so much not alone! I do have sole custody of my kids, but let me tell you....my X and I moved from FL to WV and after he got me here, he changed-drugs, emotional abuse, prostitutes, numerous job changes. We divorced and I have filed for relocation to go back home to my family many times and it does no good because his fam has money to pay for the nasty lawyer to keep me in the borders of this state. I have no fam here and I have a grandbaby back home in FL that I cant afford to go see. I cry almost every day and have been for 5 years now. I know my kids are supposed to be my world, but when you have no fam, when the place you live in is depressing and you've found yourself on food stamps, you sometimes want to crack and just go. If they were older I would go but they're still young. I have wasted 10 years of my life with this man to be stuck like this and I am homesick beyond words. I am 700 miles from all my fam. I feel there is no way out for me. He has offered me to let him take them, pay no suppt and he would let me see them generously but I dont trust him. He knew what he was doing back then. He knew if he would have stayed in FL and done all of this stuff that I would been on my home turf and would have been granted divorce there and HE would be the one far from his fam. I have begged him to please set me free from here and he gets nice and says "I really do understand" but he wont let me take them out of the state though I know in my heart I would be very generous with him seeing the kids. Dont think you are alone-you are not and be strong and one day you will get your babies and they will come looking for their mama. One day my kids will be older and I will go back to my fam.

your last paragraph sums it up in a nut shell. Thank you!! I can't say I find releive in knowing others are going through what I am & understand the pain of not raising our kids, but it is somewhat helpful to know I am not alone. I see you posted this a year ago, I am new to this BS life, just wondering how things are now for you?

I too thought i was aloan in this owrld with out her kids!!! I suffer everyday and dont know how to move on! I have not seen my oldest since he was 7 and he turns 13 on sept. 29th! The pain has never duled or gone away, even though EVERYONE seems to tell me I need to move on!! But I cant! I stil see my youngest every other weekend, and in its self , well just plain sucks!! But atleast I do get to see him! I Lost my kids to no real fault of my own like most of you have! But I was backed into a corner with my oldest, not having a lawyer on my side! They had me sign my right over to his father and there was ans is NOTHING I can do to see him until he is 18, unless he looks for me. ( and it is not hard for him to find me, for his brother and him still get to see eachother!) I was not a bad mother, or a druggie mother ! The only reason why his Father got full coustady was cause he "makes more money then I did!:( I Love my kids with all that I am, and I am so sick of people telling me I need to let go of him! But there is no letting go. How do you just let go of your first born or any of your kids for that mater! I am just kind glad to see I am not aloan anymore! I would love to know how to make the pain better!! Honestly I dont think it will EVER get better!! I pray for all of you to have some closer in your matters and at least get to see you children some! Not seeing him at all has mad me kinda "crazy"! I miss him everyday every min!I will never give up on the thought that someday I will see him again! Why does the court system take away our babys when we did not do anything wrong , but leave their fathers!!!
I uess I wanted to put in my 2 cents on this cause I have lived it and am living it every day! Many blessing to all you mothers out there going through the same thing!! I will always LOVE MY BOYS!! We do need a support group for this problem in the country! I will tll more at some piont in time!!! i want to see what I get out of this post first!!!! Thanks for eading my rant!!! Love to all!

I met my children's father when I was 17 and he was 30. He also was married with two children and one about to hatch. I sure wish my parents would not have sheltered me from reality and discussed the birds, the bees, and what kind of men to avoid. I not only destroyed one family, I pre-emptively destroyed my children's lives by choosing to procreate with Satan Himself. Seriously.
I am now 30 years old and have filed for divorce from this man on 4 sep occasions, the last of which, finally stuck 9 weeks ago(14 mo. of litigation). You may wonder why it took so many attempts to free myself from the king of narcissism. Welll, why do u think? Our children, of course. Or pawns in his sick demented control game. Not only did he see to it that I never held a job or pursued an education over the years, aka no career-no means, he also slandered, smeared, and pulled every underhanded trick in the book to ruin me and isolate me from anyone that might stand for my parental rights in court. I am telling you, in a town of 20,000, where his family name runs deep, I was totally blackballed. That does not include the 14785 text messages I have recieved from him since 08/2008, 1033 emails, and they are the most degrading, evil, and down right rediculous statements I have ever heard. Hell, just yesterday, he texted me that he loves me and wants me to come home. Oh, did I mention that he uprooted our children from Arkansas to Austin TX. Yup, I am ashamed to say that I could not even muster up the strength to file an injuction to prevent it. I have read article after article about P.A.S. etc... stating to take the higher road, the path of least devistation to the kids. Avoid battle and pray that god reunites us.. Bull crap... I dont know which way to turn. I don't know how I woke up this morning. Why am I still breathing? My daughter wont even talk to me on the phone. The last time we spoke, she said she did not want to grow up to be a whore like me and that her daddy will see to it that her little bro (2) will learn the same thing as soon as he is old enough to understand. ----I want to apologize for this poorly written post. I just re-read it and wow I am in need of some psycological intervention. It is all over the place. I hope someone answers with anything to say. I hope that what I have read about moms and kids re uniting down the road is true. I hope there is a God, I really hope there is a HELL- Just for him.

I am going through a custody battle with my ex. Already had a child evaluator and she hated me from the start and she wants to tell the court that even with my ex who works 12 to 14 hour days that he would be better... I have always been a stay at home mom and I will not have to work out side the home. I want to move them 900 mils away. But after already $30,000 on my side and still only halve way I,m in a rut.. I thought about giving him custody and me getting the kids all holidays and the whole summer. PLEASE anyone who has some ideas, suggestions, or if anyone has done the same thing please help.. I want my girls but they need both mom and dad and I'm afraid with what the evaluator is going to put in the paper I'm screwed. HELP!!!!!

There has been a Federal Class Action suit filed in California for the abuses women have incurred while trying to fight court battles involving their homes or children. Contact selfrepresentedfool.org if you would like to be added to the class action lawsuit. I lost custody of my child, I had my filing fee waivers reversed where I could not afford to pay, I had attorney requests denied, and eventually lost custody of a child that I had for 14 years. Even with my child in the hands of my abuser, I am still being taken to court for sanctions and just pure harassment, that I can't tolerate any longer. If you know anyone who has been manipulated through the courts and lost their children because of the stress and money, please email Natalia at selfrepresented fool.org.

This is my first time ever on a website that I could share my horrible situation and maybe get some advise on what to do or how to cope. It all started a few years ago when my boyfriend and father of my two girls hit my youngest daughter in the face and was arrested for child abuse. I then turned to drugs and was becoming a horrible person and mother so after 3 years of fighting DCF custody and fighting my addiction. I came to the conclusion that I would never be good for my girls if I didn't fix my life first. So after concentrating on me and getting away from my addition I moved from Florida to California where my family lives and reconnected with my first love,but by that time Florida had given my girls to there father. I had a court order to call my girls and everything was looking better. But when Florida closed their case and allowed my and to move my girls to Massachusetts, I had to per sure rights there. He changed his phone number and it took me 1 year of not being able to speak with kids in that year I got my life straight I hired an attorney I got married I even held down a job I moved to California in Dec 2008 I have had a job and beautiful home and family. now I am fighting to see and speak with my kids my ex has moved 5 times and I want custody but if nothing else I want to be apart of their lives. All my ex does is tell my kids and the court what a bad mother I am and what I have done in the past, but he has the same past I do and worse he is a criminal that has been in and out of jail for 15 years. Now I can call my kids again and all they tell me is they hate me I am so depressed my lawyer wants more money I have spent eight thousand dollars and I have not been able to say one thing to my girls all I get to hear is they hate me.I have none to talk to about this that can really understand what I am going Though. I just want to build a relationship with my girls and makes things right I really screwed up in the past and I want to make amends they are 10 and 9 I don't know what to do to show the court that I have turned my life around for the better. I don't want to get out of bed I want to be a good mother but I am afraid that I will never get a second chance Thank you for letting me share.

Thank You for your story I myself am going through a Custody battle with my Three Chilren. I have court Today and i hope everything go's ok. I Pray!!! Thank YOu again Denise marie Henriquez

I would like to share my experience with you.Also ,I have found out by talking with other women,there seems to be absolutely no consistency in awarding who gets custody,whether or not it is the same county or not.This is only my experience with the mediator and judge in my case. He too, never spent any time with the kids when we were married.No matter the reason,he wouldn't watch them,that was up to me .After the divorce ,he started out telling me he wanted full custody,that I would never see my kids ever again and that when they grew up they would know what kind of "psycho-bitch "I really was.The boys were 1 and 3 at the time.I caution you ,that in my case,because I was of afraid of him and his threats ,I apparently played right into his hands .I showed too much emotion at the hearing.Apparently,I would have looked better had I not shown any emotion when faced with the possibility of never seeing my children again.Then again,how would it look to the judge if I had a poker face and showed no reaction?During mediation ,he first asked for primary joint physical custody with me getting visitation alternate weekends. He worked 40 hr weeks with a 90 minute commute each way Mon thru Fri.I offered to work every weekend,12 hr shifts at the hospital,opposite work schedules ,with the kids staying at each parents house only when they were off work.Win/Win ,or so I was that naive to beleive.I wasn't asking for child support either because he worked construction and alot of his income was off the books.I,fortunately could scrape by working only part time.He wouldn't agree to that because then he "would never get any weekends alone with his girlfriend"The mediator agreed with him.She thought we should split the kids 50-50 and each get alternate weeks with the chidren going to LICENSED daycare during the custodial parents workday.He agreed.The mediator agreed .I then asked if I got a daycare license and worked at the hospital part time ,could I enroll the children in my own daycare.She looked perplexed and could not come up with a reason why not.I had looked into opening a homedaycare previously and knew that would not be a problem.Had I not had those options available to me,I would have had to share custody of my boys 50-50 with a man whose sole reason for wanting them was revenge and control.Oh yea,the following year he had a succession of out of work,live in girlfriends who saw more of our children than he ever did, Had to go back to court to get an order so I could see my kids when he went off and left them with one of his girlfriends.If you read my first comment ,that arrangement lasted until they were 12.Oh, and did I mention when he remarried a couple years later ,her 10 year old son was left to babysit his younger brother and also his 2 younger stepbrothers? I will be praying for every parent and child going through custody battles.It sorrows me that some parents use their children as pawns and do not get the idea that children benefit from both parents love,even after divorce.That is another caution I have for you.I do beleive that,but I messesd up because some parents are not entitled to that because of their own choices.I do know that courts systems are overburdened and if there is any possible way to leave them out of it,thats better.Sometimes the bad guys win ,most of the time if it comes down to a court battle,that's what you get, a battle .I don 't have answers,I can only hope by sharing you will gain some insights so that the children get what is in their best interest.

Mamma_bear,

I can't even begin to express how much my heart goes out to you and the fight you are fighting. I too live in Wisconsin and went through the same scenario you described, almost exactly. Much to my profound astonishment, my ex did receive primary placement of my son. Even though all the evidence presented against him clearly showed years of sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse to both me and my son as well as a pattern of uncontrollable anger issues, suicide attempts, substantiated psychological disorder, and an alcoholic who is on and off the wagon. With all that said, I was guilty only of defending my son's innocence and for that the social worker and the Guardian ad Litem worked on behalf of my ex-husband and removed my son from his one protective parent.

This is an epidemic of unimaginable proportions and is growing rampantly out of control. We have to take action and get our kids back.

I am working on fighting the growing corruption in the Wisconsin Family Court system and would like to know if you are interested in joining forces. The more support we have in each other the stronger we will be. There is strength in numbers.

WI Mom

I divorced in aug 1995.He is a sociopath.He believes his lies.He is very confident when he talks.I was verbally and emotionally abused.I was scared ,he could fool everybody,he was well respected at his church.It was july 1995 ,he promised me "if you divorce me I will prove to everyone you are crazy and you will never see your children again" I wasn't crazy then.15 years later my 2 sons are now 17 and 19 yrs.old.They decided to live with their dad because I grounded them for not doing their schoolwork.They were both honor students and easily excelled at academics.The judge ruled they were old enough, at 12 yrs old ,to decide who they wanted to live with.The shrink told me that children will choose to live "where they can get the most candy"I chose to be a Mom and discipline them.Their dad chose to let"boys be boys" If I dared to discipline them in any way, they threatened to go live with dad.My hands were tied becuz .of course ,you know how this ends..flash forward 2010 ...

Dear Momofzra,

I feel your pain. I too do not have the deep money pockets my ex has and his "shark" is eating me alive. I have exhausted all my options in area for help.

My ex husband was controlling with money and verbal abuse, but these thinks are so hard to prove. He cheated on me for over 15 years - he even cheated on me on a cruise for our 10 anniversary. He had women all over the continent and then some... He has drank so much he has rolled golf carts, laid in his own vomit, been brought up on sexual harassment charges, but this doesn't matter to the court system.

They say I am disintegrating his reputation with his children and causing them to lose respect for their father. No, I think he has taken care of that fact - but because I answer their questions openly and honest I am being punished.

I too am facing foreclosure on my home, my credit cards are outrageous, I lost my retirement in a business investment and I have to file bankruptcy - but can't finish that because ever last penny I have goes to fight this custody battle.

I pray for at least an okay outcome and not what the social worker and guardian ad litem are recommending - that he get primary placement.

I will keep you in my prayers... know my heart is breaking too and I cry myself to sleep and I am not aloud to tell my children why I am so sad. They know something is not right. It takes ever ounce of my being to get out of bed in the morning. I keep repeating - out loud sometimes even - "God I trust in you and put all my faith, hope and trust in your will. I pray for my children to stay with me Lord...I trust in You!" It gives me peace. I have to hold onto the fact that our children will grow up, they will make choices on their own and they will see... they will, that is the only way I can go on...

I know your pain is real, for I feel it with you - may we find support in one another and remember to treasure ever moment we have with our children.

In Peace,
Mamma Bear

I saw your blog in the December/January 2010 Working Mothers magazine.

I have been in a custody battle with my ex since Oct 2009. His whole reason for seeking primary placement of my 11 year old daughter and 7 year old son is based on my financial situation and the fact I moved 20 minutes away from him. This in turn would change where the kids will go to school. He has never wanted to be involved in the kids' lives like this until I was remarried in 2008. Then he became even more over bearing and controlling. He was always like this, but mostly his issues revolved around money. They still do. He doesn't really want them, he just wants to punish me.

I am struggling financially right now and so are so many other people in this world. The guardian ad litem (appointed by his attorney) and the social worker (because we were ordered to go through a case study) are actually recommending that he should get primary placement because I speak openly and honestly with my children when they ask me questions - age appropriate information. I am being punished by the courts because I am honest with my children, teaching them to be honest. Not a liar like their father!

I am in shock and so sad over this whole situation. I can't believe a court system would take children away from their mother - whom they have been with since they were born...they hardly ever saw their father even when we were under the same roof. He is a lying, cheating, alcoholic SOB!

I a fed up with being taken advantage of because I am the parent with less financial advantages. I am mad as hell and I am fighting back... I might have to wait a year, but this war is not over...

Mamma_bear, Wisconsin

Thank you for your story.. I always felt alone in my situation and now I dont feel as alone since i read your story. My story is basically alot to share. but the bottom line for me is that this has been the loniest time of my life living without my two kids now for  2 years.

I was looking for a support group for moms without custody so I made one. and i see now there is one listed. But here is mine

http://motherwithoutcustody.forumotion.net/index.h...

We provide support to thousands of moms who have gone through what you are dealing with and we just wanted to let you know that you are in our prayers and we are here for you and all that visit here.

Love & Blessings,

Liana Preble

President & Founder www.brokenmoms.org ( http://www.brokenmoms.org )

I felt like I was the only one until I read your story.    My story is very similar to yours only my ex did not take my kids out of state.  He was abusive in our marriage and I finally found enough courage to leave.  I was alone in my fight against him and his wealthy family.  He told me he would "make me pay" for leaving and that I would "always regret it". He has held true to his word.  I lost my house to forclosure, my car was reposessed and debt collectors know my # by heart because I used every dime I had to fight for my babies.  In the end, he had more money than I did and a shark, not a lawyer, a shark and he took my kids.  I was a stay at home mom, never touched a drug in my life and never drink. I know that there are people out there that will read this and think that I am hiding something, but I assure you I am not. I am writing this to support the originial poster and to make it known that good, loving moms lose their kids for no reason at all. 

My heart is broken every day of my life.  I ache when I see moms with their kids.  I cry myself to sleep missing my babies.  There are days I just don't want to go on.

Thank you for your post.

I am a stay at home mom. I have a step son that lived with us he is only 7 about to be 8. His mom claims to be abused by husband which I have seen no violence from threw the years of our relationship and marriage. She now has two other children from the man that beat her and his mother in front of my step son when he was 4 which landed him here with us. My step son is very smart. and remembers everything. As he has gotten older problems have raised as lying about every thing. I have a 15 month old baby girl that looks up to him and loves him with all her heart that is her bother. He is setting an example for her which is the problem. lying, cheating, and deceitfull are not something I want my girl to look up to. She will repeat anything that is said and she sees. I told my husband about my fears and he agrees. Thepast month has been calling her son (my step son) and his behavior has gotten worse. now showing in school. I"m currently living in my own apartment. we are still together My husband and i. now i feel he resents his son and is going to have him live with his real mother. MY POINT IS to the mothers who let outside influence affect wiether or not you raise your baby you are wrong that boyfriend you got or that drug problem you got or even if you took some time off so you could get your life together so "you can take better can of your child" that is abandonment and no judge is going to favor you. GUESS WHAT its to late to go to school full time you gave that up when you had a baby it time to go to work, hard labor for the rest of your life if that's what takes to pay the bills. to the moms that are fighting for their child get a lawyer to speak for you under the pressure things don't come out the way you plan.

I lost my young son to my abuser. I am not going to shut up about it, there are many of us. I will be going to the Battered Mothers Custody Conference this next month in New York...yes there is actually a conference for battered NCMs, it is such a big problem.

Nancy
RightsForMothers.com

Jessica, Jack and Annas Mommy......

I will send all my prayers your way, I know this is hard for you, I am still in a daily battle! I will fight for people like ourselves for the rest of my life, and I will teach my children about domestic violence and how all people, equally ,should be treated! I will have my Law Degree and I will fight for justice, I promise you! Jessica, jack and annas mommy

I am currently in a fight with my daughter's father for custody of her. I have been with her for the past 4 almost 5 years of her life. It would kill me if he won. Thank you for this blog.

Thank you for your story. I am moved to start a support group for people like us.

Jessica, Jack and Annas Mommy......