Luckily for you there is still enough there for you to see the basis of a good marriage. Sometimes you realize, not that you didn't get what you dreamed of, but you got a nightmare. Ah, life.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

I think I have gone through mourning a few times. I had to readjust my idea of the marriage I thought I was having, within the first year. And then I had to readjust again, when other obstacles were thrown in our way. Fortunately we are surrounded by people who support us and help us through those tough times. And because of the support we found each other again, moving on in the new path of our marriage.

Editing life as you live it, that is a wonderful ability.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

When my marriage ran into trouble (I am divorced), I tried a lot of things to mend it and for a while thought that I was on the right track.  It sounds like your instinct is telling you that your relationship and perhaps your persepctive need attention and I am a firm believer that all difficulties in our lives are simply opportunities to grow and improve, so here you have an opportunity, the question is what to do with it.

I want to mention a program that I thought was wonderful, http://retrouvaille.org.  It is a Marriage encounter type of program that enables you to spend a weekend alone with your spouse and reconnect through conversations, sharing feelings, joys and fears about your past, current and future relationship.  I thought it was an amazing program and I watched couples come in with angst for eachother and their relationship and leave with tremendous hope and a reignited flame of love.

Just a suggestion.  Best of luck

Karen

I really appreciate your comment and the suggestion.  I will definitely look into it! 

Gina

http://momwifeworkerbee.blogspot.com/

I think I know what you are talking about. After 12 years of marriage, and having my wonderful triplets (2 boys, 1 girl) six 1/2 years ago, my marriage has ceased to be a fantasy or perfect in any way for quite some time now. My husband and I have gone through many challenges that included our children, families, our health, careers and finances. And some days, when I am being most optimistic, I Thank God(dess) that we are still together Our shared history, despite it's sometimes daunting complexities, is truly irreplacable.

There are times though, as most recently as this summer, when I begin to wonder; at what point do we give ourselves permission as women to yearn for that which semms unattainable; most notably in our relationships, but also in other ares of our lives?And what would be the cost to us, (emotinally, financially, etc...) if we actually (God forbid!) seek ways of getting what we want, even if it will interfere with what already is?Anybody out there know? I guess it depends on each person's situations and circumstances, but it seems to me like despite those things, women who really 'go for it' in life, are still ultimately condemned and persecuted if their quest for living their lives injures anyone but themsleves. Makes you stop and think if it will be worth it. And what a crappy deal that is!

s.e.a.mom I guess at some point in our marriages we all realize that they are not perfect. Then we do the work to assess what we need to do to make it as good as it can be. That, of course, involves two people. At that point it seems that many of us discover we have no partner, and so begin wondering if divorce is the only way to make ourselves whole or happy or content again.

Divorce is tough, on the woman and the kids. If there's still communication between you and your husband, if there's still a "connection" between you, then maybe there is still a chance for you to attain what you yearn. Just some advice from a woman who ended a bad marriage, and is going through a horrible divorce and post-divorce phase.  

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

you are so right! and it's good to hear that other women have done the 'tough stuff' of re-assessing a relationship, trying to find common ground, restablishing communication, etc.. etc... But what I have found (and hopefully) have finally gotten my husband to see, is that it really does take 2! I think that "Having a partner" is the rock that marriage is founded on, and without a partnership, well, what have you really got?

I'm sorry that your divorce and post divorce are horrible. But know that you are an inspiration for taking stock (so many people are afraid to do even this very preliminary step!) and making the hard choices that you believed will be best for you in the long term. 

s.e.a.mom I hope you find a partner in your husband, but first, I guess, you need to decide that you want him to be one. When we went to therapy, I realized that it was too late, that he wouldn't change and I wouldn't try to change any more to suit him. I guess I finally realized that opposites might attract, but then they start pulling apart. Life, it happens in phases and is not one long marathon.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com