The Mrs. Degree

Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage

I am expected to make my life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important

Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

When I first heard Beyoncé’s song Flawless I absolutely loved it! But this particular song also had me thinking about the topic of marriage, based on what Ms. Chimamanda said.

As women, we really are expected (or even taught) to aspire to marriage, but why not men as well? Ask any woman over 25 who has been in a relationship for more than 2 years and she will probably tell you she is asked when is the wedding, more times then she wants to even hear.  But why is that?

Some might argue that it boils down to our “biological clock,” which holds some truth, but on the other hand marriage is all a matter of choice. Sure a woman can be taught to aspire to marriage, but she also must want to get married. Not to mention she has to have a man that wants the same right? It’s not like we can marry ourselves.

We get it….marriage can be such a beautiful union but it’s not always diamonds and pearls. And it’s not for everyone. Marriage is a serious commitment, a commitment in which TWO people must be ready, willing and able to handle. So why should anyone, especially women, aspire, be “pressured” into and make marriage the most important goal in her life? Men have the opportunity (so to speak) to sit back and chill, while we’re continuously asked when are we getting married? Oh and of course, when are we having kids? Last time I checked you need TWO people in love to walk down that aisle and you need an egg and sperm to create a baby. So why must the pressure always be on us women? What about the men!?

What’s the rush? Why keep asking a woman when is she getting married? Are you going to help her man buy the platinum princess cut 2-carat halo engagement ring? Are you going to help with the planning? Are you going to pitch in should she say her budget is $25,000? Are you going to buy the cake?  Are you going to pitch in when the additional costs begin to add up?  No? Then stop asking.

A wedding and marriage will happen when the couple is ready. And only they know when that time is.

Marriage is a choice, a decision that only a couple can make. Society, family and friends can put the pressure on a woman all they want, but ultimately the decision is hers. If marriage is something she aspires to, then great! But it all boils down to HER decision, not to mention, HER man asking that all-important life-changing question, that will give her that Mrs. Degree.

 

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