My Beautiful Mommy--but only because she has a boob job, tummy tuck and nose job. Dangerous messages to our daughters.
by 
I will admit when I first started to see the links coming in for the new "book" My Beautiful Mommy, I thought it must be a hoax. Certainly, no one would put something like this out there and be serious. Well, serious it is. It is self published by the vanity publisher Big Tent Books and written by a Florida plastic surgeon and father of four. He says he wrote the book because many of his patients are having "mommy makeovers" to fix saggy
breasts and slack tummies a few years after childbirth and they were concerned about what to tell their kids.
From the Big Tent Website:
PRE-ORDER Today! Books will ship in time for Mother's Day!
Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a renowned plastic surgeon, wrote My Beautiful Mommy
to help patients explain their transformation to their children. The
story guides children through Mommy's surgery and healing process in a
friendly, nonthreatening way.
Non-threatening to whom? With excerpts like the following, they come off as pretty threatening to the young children--girls especially-- that this book is aimed at. The following is an excerpt from the book.
"As I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my
clothes anymore. Dr Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel
better," the mother tells her daughter.Her nose surgery, she explains, will make her look "not just different, my dear -- prettier!."
Because we all know that childbirth increases Mom's need for a nose job, right? And that the only way to really be pretty is to have perky breasts, taught tummies and a nose job.
Newsweek describes the book in this way:
“My Beautiful Mommy” is aimed at kids ages four to seven
and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound
superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job
and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is
getting a smaller tummy: “You see, as I got older, my body stretched
and I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to
help fix that and make me feel better.” Mom comes home looking like a
slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and
around her waist.The text doesn’t mention the breast augmentation, but the
illustrations intentionally show Mom’s breasts to be fuller and higher.
“I tried to skirt that issue in the text itself,” says Salzhauer. “The
tummy lends itself to an easy explanation to the children: extra skin
and can’t fit into your clothes. The breasts might be a stretch for a
six-year-old.”The book doesn’t explain exactly why the mother is redoing her nose
post-pregnancy. Nonetheless, Mom reassures her little girl that the new
nose won’t just look “different, my dear—prettier!”
Jill of Writes Like She Talks actually emailed the author of this book.
Dear Dr. Salzhauer,
I’m a freelance writer who recently read the Newsweek article about
a book you author. I recognized the publisher as a vanity publisher.Could you please tell me how you and your book came to the attention of Newsweek magazine?
I’ve read that your book does not appear to be available on Amazon
nor does it appear to have an ISBN. If that is true, how will your book
be sold and how will people purchase it?Thank you.
Stayed tuned to her blog for what Jill learns about this book and this author.
Mamarazzi had a completely different angle with this story. They share the story of Alicia Douvall who claims to have had over 50 plastic surgeries. Twelve of those surgeries have been on her breasts alone. She's has another one planned. Okay. She is an adult. But here is where I become more disturbed. She has a 12 year old daughter, Georgia, who is a beautiful young lady. But what does Georgia want for her 13th birthday? A Kate Moss perfume, an iPhone and a boob job. She is only 12 years old. In a quote to Closer magazine, Alicia explains where she stands on the issue of her daughter's desired boob job:
Alicia said she will get her daughter a boob job, but not until she turns 16.
"I think a 16-year-old with a nice, sexy figure will do really well
as a model as long as she's managed well. That's why I'm happy for
Georgia to have a boob job because it will give her a career. She's
been at a modeling agency since she was about six. She'll be more
famous than Britney!"
What exactly are we telling our young girls? That in order to be beautiful in this world, you better nip, tuck, plump and lift everything that nature put there? Are we telling our daughters that women who are not plastic are not perfect? That natural curves, age induced gravity and slight imperfections on a woman will therefore cause her to lack beauty? That without fixing these things she will not be "better" that her nip/tucked counterparts?
Amy at Shaping Youth has one of the most comprehensive and incredible breakdowns and implications of books such as these. This post about is a must read.
There’s a substantial difference between self-empowerment and conformist body shame. One’s a teaching moment, one’s a toxic one...
...Alas, this book is clearly marketing Barbie-ism and unobtainable ideals that perpetuates the objectification of women, and men (check
out the muscle-bound Doctor Michael in the book’s visual gallery at
Newsweek; dysmorphia and steroid use boys? Oh, and the ‘dream bubble’
of the buffed boy avatar placing the beauty queen crown on the moms’
head, complete with flashy house & car)
Clearly, this is one more example of "the media and marketing machine cue kids how to look, dress, smell,
groom and behave as they look to their parents for grounding…What
happens when the grounding is quicksand? Squishy stuff, folks."
Julie Pippert of Using My Words writes:
Cosmetic surgery to "perfect" one's self makes me sad. There. I said
it. It does. Modeling it to one's daughter, to demonstrate why
dangerous elective surgery is necessary so Mommy can appear closer to
Barbie-slut-ho perfection through a book that is supposed to normalize
it makes me shudder.
I just don't think I can add to that. Maybe a hell yeah or two in agreement.
It has been brought up that since this is a vanity press publication and that the "book" is not even available in places like Amazon as well as the fact that when Newsweek covered the story it was "web exclusive" that perhaps this could be part hoax. (In the words of Backpacking Dad: "Half Hoax, Half Newsweek failure of integrity." I will agree that Newsweek's failure of integrity by blowing this book into the mainstream is an act that very much resembles tabloid journalism. However, I don't care if this book is from a vanity press or printed out on leaflets and handed out on street corners. It is a disgusting look at the way we warp our daughers into thinking they will never be good enough or pretty enough in our society without surgery to enhance their natural beauty. And, therein, lies the horror of this story. That part is no hoax. Not that message that we are sending our daughters.
I am horrified and appalled. I want to know what you think about this, readers. Tell me. Don't hold back. I know you have opinions.
---
BlogHer Mommy & Family Editor also blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee and is the current Chief Operating Mom at Mommybloggers.
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Comments
Fix my frown
This is just so, so disappointing. I am poised to give birth to my third daughter. I shudder at the road ahead as I try to instill in my girls a confidence that will see them through the gauntlet of media, school yard barbs and superficial yardsticks. I count myself lucky for being married to a man who doesn't buy into that crap and who, I believe, through his love for me, will demonstrate to our girls that it isn't about tits and ass, but about strength of character and body.
I'd be lying if I didn't say that as their mom, I'll speak directly and at length about this kind of ridiculous crap.
Great post.
Amanda http://hibernate.sarabearco.com
http://lifewithbriar.blogspot.com
http://toddlywinks.blogspot.com
Spot on
The conversation that should be had: What is the body image message that we send to our kids?
The conversation that should not be had: What does this book tell us about the body image message that we send to our kids.
I think this book and its strangely provocative coverage by Newsweek began as irrelevant.
Last night there was a spot on my local news about it.
The conversation is changing to the one that should be had, and should have always been going on, but television is lagging behind, so I think the conversation is going to regress to "oh, I can't believe that doctor is allowed to write this stuff" before it returns to the level it ought to be at.
This book is nothing. It oughtn't be dignified with genuine responses. It doesn't tell us anything about ourselves any more than a manifesto written by a lunatic in a cave does.
But the more people talk about the issues it provokes, the more those responses will tell us about ourselves. That's what should get the attention. Not the book or the doctor who wrote it.
I wasn't worth quoting; there have been many better and more thoughtful responses than my initial one; but thanks. :}
Gah.
http://backpackingdad.blogspot.com
My Beautiful Mommy
I have often thought about how plastic surgery will affect us.
I once saw an extreme makeover that was about a man and a woman, both having makeovers, who met and fell in love during their ordeal. When they were both "beautiful" (after plastic surgery, teeth fixed, eyes done, etc.) they were married. They couldn't afford to have these procedures done so they allowed the show to pay for it and film their story.
All I could think about was the affect it would have on their children. The children would be born with "ugly" characteristics, looking nothing like the "beautiful" parents. What kind of esteem issues will they have?
I believe that we will have overwhelming emotional issues to deal with tomorrow because of our superficial vanity today.
Impatiently waiting for a plastic surgery
backlash
When things get completely out of control and become utterly ridiculous, there tends to be a backlash.
I do hope there will be one, just as I am hoping for a backlash against the phenomena of skeletal models.
Take a look at this cartoon: a funny cartoon that points at some sad, even scary, societal attitudes.
Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com
Manufacturing the news
I, for one, am thrilled that the My Beautiful Mommy book is a piece of vanity fluff and that no discerning publisher was willing to take it on.
Newsweek's failure to clearly represent the book as a vanity piece is unfortunately another depressing example of what passes for journalism anymore. I teach research methods and writing to college students, and while I've always taught them that soruces with print counterparts tend to be more reliable than web-only sources because there are (supposedly) more stringent standards for publishing in print than onine, it's becoming clear that that's no longer the case. We're (rightly) denigrating Newsweek for elevating this one doctor's marketing ploy to the status of "news," but then again the same thing can be said of the Guardian for running the Alicia Douvall piece. One little girl's birthday wish isn't exactly news either. Neither is "the best new shaving product for men," or the availability of a new type of Botox treatments, despite both of those being the subject of local LA news broadcasts. Further, the recent piece in Philadelphia magazine about extreme beauty treatments for children, including bikini waxes for eight-year-olds, also seems to have been overly sensationalized, at least as determined by a few folllow-up calls to the salons mentioned in the piece. What's unfortunate is that all of this media attention on these behaviors simply promotes and normalizes what it purports to condemn.
Ad Feminem
People are not products.
SHREK
Although I know it's a rotating ad, so won't always be here, I have to note that when I logged on to read this post, there was a Shrek ad in the ad space. A lovely irony, as, in that movie, the beautiful princess found happiness by turning into an Ogre....
I will also say - along with everyone else - that everything about this book disgusts me. The Newsweek coverage of it is embarrassing, that strikes me as sinking even lower than the book itself.
However, we all have a right to do what we want with our bodies. (I know, I know, you're all tired of that refrain from me.) Does media push ridiculous images of women on us that make most of us feel inadequate and ungainly - yes. Should they be stopped, or at least welcome a host of more normal bodies into the spotlight? YES.
BUT, if a woman wants to have a nip or a tuck or a whatever, it's her business and we don't get to judge her for it. Or a man. That said, I don't want anything out there that makes my kid think they MUST in order to be beautiful, desirable or anything else.
We all have our reasons for doing the things we do that we think make us more attractive. A GOOD cosmetic surgeon will probe deeply into the underlying psychology that has a patient in the office asking for a change. Unfortunately, for every good one, there are a handful of predatory surgeons perpetuating the insecurities of women - and apparently writing books about it.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE: A Web Site To Save The World
Start Her Up: A blog for Women Entrepreneu
thanks for sharing!
Jennifer, thanks so much for sharing. I deal with body image a LOT In my art and this is great reference...sad that something like this exists, but great reference...
I have to quote you right back to yourself
Amen!
Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette
A HOT guy talks about NATURAL bodies
JUST stumbled across this article from Glamour Magazine (go figure) written by actor Gabriel Olds (yum) who writes beautifully about why he likes women with natural, lumpy, bumpy, imperfect women's bodies. Worth reading all the way to the end, even if you skim some. It's good, especially the last 2 paragraphs.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE: A Web Site To Save The World
Start Her Up: A blog for Women Entrepreneu
Shaping Youth Adds Body Image Expert Today...
Hi Jennifer, I'm honored you found Shaping Youth's post so comprehensive in the deconstruction of all this mumbo jumbo media mania, and linked back to you today when we announced we have a body image specialist, Dr. Robyn Silverman (PhD/Tuft's Univ. child development/adolescent program) coming aboard to help me put some applied science behind the anecdotal research with kids that glean from kids daily!
It's really, REALLY important we take a look at the deep scars coming out of the toxic cues we're sending children as we body snatch them out of childhood and plop them into our very twisted world of beauty ideals.
As you can see by the APA study I wrote about here on this post about Packaging Girlhood, the damage is very, very real. http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=309
I just posted more about the Body Blitz coming at kids today (more stats than you'll want to know) as Dr. Robyn peeks into the media messaging for girls. (I should add it's landing on males as 'buffed boys' via dysmorphia/adonis complex, in a very toxic way too...)
http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=1393
Thanks again for the warm-n-fuzzy kudos. It's nice to have folks appreciate our work, especially in this probono start-up phase sans remuneration. Makes me know our nonprofit is on the right track, yay! ---Amy
Amy Jussel
Founder/Exec. Director
www.shapingyouth.org
My Beautiful Mommy
Crap Crap Crap - that is all I can say
Candeelady
My Blog - Helping Moms and Tweens Navigate our Bizarre World
How can I explain how
How can I explain how disturbing it is that this book tells girls ages 4 to 7 that it is ok to do plastic surgery but that they will also feel a lot better.
This book is wrong. We really have to be careful with how our children see us because with this book, they won't get the point: doing what you love and accepting yourself and your imperfect body will make you happier than getting surgery.
Céline -
Alive Magazine
By young women, for young women
www.alivemagazine.org
Surgeon's Spammers on Shaping Youth
All: Fresh recon re: the practices/ethics (or lackthereof) regarding this Newsweek 'story' (ugh, can't believe MSM doesn't check out stuff as thoroughly as the blogosphere these days!)
Jill (in your links above) had already started connecting the dots on this guy, and yours truly fell for the duped 'commentary' by a 'makeover mom sharing her story' and engaged fully in dialog...
Personal choice and free agency to slice & dice is one thing, seeding
content unethically by pretending you’re someone you’re not and
blogosphere baiting is clearly indicative of the level of
author/commercial venture we’re dealing with here…
Here’s what I just added to Jill's comments, thought you should know, too, Jennifer!!
"I kept getting pinged by a ‘makeover momma’ touting her rights to
feel good about herself, etc.—(which I dutifully respect, btw, as it’s personal
choice, my issue is the book and how it’s landing on kids to ‘fix’
stuff)
Anyway, after several back & forths in the comment section of Shaping Youth here: http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=1377
I decided to do my own recon and find out where “s/he” blogs…Bingo!
Here’s my reply in the S.Y. comment section:
“Ah, silly me…I should’ve KNOWN better, why of course, you blog for
the CLIENT of the book, who is your BOSS!!! Just found you here,
“Carmen” –aka “Paola G. Chacon”
http://www.scumbagstyle.com/ Next time you’d like to seed content for your boss’ endeavor, you
might not want to be so easy to trace!!! This is a media literacy
lesson in itself…which should be blogged about. Remember, digital fingerprints are easy to track with media savvy folks…doesn’t take much.”
News travels fast. Word to the wise...don't mess with erudite BlogHers. ;-) --AJ
Amy Jussel Founder, Exec. Dir., Shaping Youth www.shapingyouth.org
Eat A Cheesebuger Mom!
I blogged about this same issue. With the release of this book, we are making it officially socially acceptable to teach our kids negative messages about body image and sef-esteem. So sad!
www.tiffabee.wordpress.com