My Blog's Spam Comments Keep Me Laughing
By Nancy Wurtzel on February 09, 2013
Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I know my spirits will be lifted considerably by visiting the comments section of my blog. No, not the sane, thoughtful comments that are visible to you, the reader. I'm referring to the slightly twisted but always interesting comments that end up in my Spam folder.
Spam is what most bloggers consider to be the annoying underbelly of the online world.
Yet, surprisingly, visiting my comment Spam folder can often lighten my day. While I can't approve Spam for publication, as it would simply open up the floodgates to more and more spam, I have come to greatly admire these persistent posters.
Just today, for instance, I had my 2,000th-plus comment from my Chinese fan who goes by Jianyi007.
Jianyi007's ubiquitous postings vary from listing a single website address to long, rambling paragraphs which are oddly endearing. Sadly, Jianyi007's comments always feature promotional links to miraculous online vitamin stores, which is exactly why he always ends up in Spam. That, and the fact that he spells it "vitamen" in every single comment.
One has to admire his consistency.
Jianyi007 is undoubtably my most faithful fans, and I look forward to what he writes. Even though my blog filter consistently throws him into the Spam sandbox, he (or his automated bot) keeps coming back day-after-day.
Looking at other Spam comments, I note some are a bit double-edged.
This comment from Raspberry Man caught my eye. He writes, "After looking over a few of the blog posts on your web site, I really like your technique. I saved it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back soon. Please visit my web site as well (link to porn site) and let me know what you think. I give you a D grade."
What? He liked my blog and bookmarked it, but awarded me a D?
After giving it some thought, I've decided Raspberry Man was grading on a scale of A to Z. Yes, I'd prefer to think I scored fairly high with A being best and Z at the bottom of the barrel.
Thanks, Raspberry Man.
Some days, I get comments that on the surface, seem as though they are from an alien planet. However, when you look deeper, the comment might be ripped right from the current news headlines.
Like this cryptic message.
"Paul says, Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. Oh you are Chris. You are obese....?"
Who is Paul and which mental hotline is he manning? Could he possibly be referring to a certain New Jersey governor who loves his jelly doughnuts? That very same Chris who loudly claims he is a fit fat man?
I think Paul may be trying to reach out to the governor through my blog, and I'm happy to play the go-between. Honestly, Paul is only trying to be helpful, and that hugely popular governor is obviously in huge denial.
The message is hugely clear.
Chris Christie, push away from the table right now. Drop me a line and I will send you Paul's email address. There is someone who wants to help you. He may be a spammer, but he cares.
Maureen is another helpful person whose comments end up in my Spam folder. She's a lovely lass if there every was one.
One of Maureen's comments might go like this: "I luv ur writin about mom. Makes sense to me in Wichita. Seniors like this here site (link to highly dubious website). Come visit Wichita, bring mom."
Maureen can be counted on to turn up every few weeks with some short, targeted comment that proves she has at the very least perused my blog. She knows that I help caregive for my mother, who has Alzheimer's disease. Many comments invite mom and me to Wichita,, although sometimes she spells it, Witchita.
Well, no one is perfect. Especially in the Spam folder.
In fact, the only thing I require about my Spam is that it be funny. Make me laugh and you have done your job. No, I won't override my blog's filter and approve your comment for posting. But, if it is any consolation, know that you that you are an integral part of my blogging experience.
Indeed, keep those Spam comments coming. I've learned they can be mighty tasty.
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