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The Mouthy Housewives are Kelcey Kintner, Wendi Aarons, Marinka, Kristine, and Tonya Vernooy. Together, they've been neglecting our familes to give y...
 
 
 
 

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My Daughter Is Rolling Her Eyes!

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Life is complicated. Thank goodness there are experts to help us untangle some of the vexing issues that, well, vex us on a daily basis. The Mouthy Housewives are here on BlogHerMOMS to help, three times a week. Email your pressing issues and questions to stacy.morrison@blogher.com to be answered in exclusive posts on Fridays. Today, we share the newest Mouthy wisdom on offer.

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Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My six-year-old has become super sassy in the past few weeks. We’ve only been in school for three days and I’m already getting eye-rolling and a bunch of “whatevers.” It’s making me prematurely grey! How do I stop this so that my sassy six-y-o will make it to her teenage years?

Thanks,

Mom to mini-Miley

________________________________

Dear Mom,

Oh, I see.  The school is making your angel sassy.  Gotcha.  Well, how about homeschooling then?   Or maybe it’s not so much that she’s enrolled in Eye-Rolling  101 as that she’s picking it up from her friends?  In which case, rest assured, this phase shouldn’t last more than a year or two, at which time she will graduate to deep sighing, door slamming and maybe getting a tattoo that most definitely doesn’t spell MOM.

girl rolling eyes

But there’s hope!

When my daughter was seven, she rolled her eyes at her father and me so much that we were concerned they’d get permanently lodged looking into her skull.  (Although maybe we were less concerned and more hopeful.)  Our friends who’d witness these ophthalmological exercises would smile knowingly and make dire predictions about her teenage years, which I imagine they envisioned as some kind of a Sid & Nancy redux.

Chances are your daughter is trying out some more adult expressions to match her budding independence—she’s in school after all!  But it doesn’t mean that you should be treated in a way that you find disrespectful.

I recommend that you put some rules in place.  Decide which of her newfound expressions are most inappropriate and tell her that if she uses them, there will be a consequence.  Tell her the consequence ahead of time, and then enforce it.  If you don’t want a “whatever,” tell her that if she says that very word to you, she will lose screen time.

My story has a happy later chapter.  My daughter grew out of the eye-rolling after a few years and is now a delightful tween.  Unless, of course, she’s trying to lull us into a false sense of security.

Politely yours,

Marinka, TMH

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difbutdeterm 5 pts

OMG people, really? The kid is rolling her eyes! Punishment?! Seriously? For expressing her dislike of something in such a benign way? Way to teach kids non-violent ways to express themselves. You'd rather she, what, shoot her mom instead?

Kids need rules, yes but not aggressive control freak parents who get annoyed or offended over everything. Seriously, it's this "I'm not going to even let you roll your eyes to express your displeasure or frustration with a situation" that turns sweet kids into asshole teenagers.

My 2 year old has been rolling her eyes at me since she was around 16 - 18 months. She does it when I scold her, when I'm being goofy and she thinks it's dumb or why she is annoyed by something that I'm not catching on to. I'm certainly not going to make her clean the cat box or give her a time out and scold her for something so silly.

And a belt?! I really hope that was a terrible joke.

DonnaFreedman 8 pts

I'm with Leann: Simply address it as you would any other form of disrespect to her parents. Her friends can do whatever they want; in fact, she can do that with her friends if she chooses. But not with Mom and Dad or, for that matter, with any adult.

Kids DO need rules. Otherwise they will not know how to behave in certain circumstances that require courtesy and respect.

Put another way: If you told your spouse that you needed help with something or needed to discuss something important, how would you feel if s/he rolled his/her eyes, sighed audibly, and said, "What-EV-er." You'd feel belittled and/or disrespected, I bet.

Don't put up with that nonsense from your child, either.

P.S. I have witnessed this at a friend's house. She told the youngest (then about 11) that she needed him to stop doing something. He all but sneered at her and said, "Yeah, RIGHT, Mom."

I'm trying to imagine myself talking like that to either of my parents when I was a kid. Hmmm....nope.

jollymilly 6 pts

I was glad when I read your story as my 6 year old has been doing the same thing for a while now. Also, when explaining things to me, if she thinks I don't understand something she says 'Oh forget it.' I've drawn the line at what I deem to be acceptable and told her when she is being disrespectful. At this age she seems to accept what most of what I say! I guess this is the beginning of the tweenage.

Conversation from Facebook

Kreative Haus
Kreative Haus

When my daughter (6) spits or swears or other disrespect, she's gotten soap or hot sauce on her tongue. Can't really put it in her eye though. I would make her do push ups, jumping jacks or write sentences. Then say "Sorry Ma'am".

Jessica Lay
Jessica Lay

Poke her in the eye

Janine Apter Cuthbertson
Janine Apter Cuthbertson

Ignore it, pick your battles? My daughter is only 4 so I don't know yet :) But if was goes around comes around, I'm in for lots of it. Sorry mom!

Barbara Collins
Barbara Collins

You don't allow it by addressing it as another form of language.

Mary MacKenzie
Mary MacKenzie

but but but I just can't stop doing it...

Alice Spaulding
Alice Spaulding

Eye-rolling and "WHATEVER" behaviors were not tolerated in our home. There were consequences associated with them, ranging from grave disapproval from me, to yucky housework that was not a normal chore. Heavy sighs were okay with me, as was a discussion (but not sassing). This is pretty much an issue of the past, since my children grew into pretty nice teens and are now young adults who are really nice to be around!

Cynthia Watson
Cynthia Watson

Leann McQueen Bauer: I wanted to press like, like 10 times!

Ruth Gaul Schliessmann
Ruth Gaul Schliessmann

OK, maybe i'm too permissive but expressing herself this fairly benign way, as long as she's also listening and doing what she's told, seems like no biggie to me. It's ok to dislike something and to express that dislike. Setting the boundaries - no tantrum, disobedience, ugly gestures or bad language - seems to me that it shouldn't go so far as to forbid a simple eye roll.

Dee Austin
Dee Austin

I eye-roll almost hourly! :)

Leann McQueen Bauer
Leann McQueen Bauer

My 15YO rolled her eyes at me when she was about 10. Twice. We didn't end up on 'Cops,' but a third offense might have pushed me over the edge. There never was a third time. She found other ways to deal with her feelings. Sensitive-schmensitive! Kids need clear boundaries and real, tangible consequences. I believe there are very few exceptions to this rule. They are wired to try to push their limits and it's our responses to those moments that matter. I know too many parents looking to get a diagnosis for their kid's bad behavior when they really just need to be more consistent as parents.

Suzy Aaron Riccon
Suzy Aaron Riccon

LOL - i, too, still roll the eyes in my 40's...

Bronwyn Galloway
Bronwyn Galloway

I am not a parent, but I would tread carefully here. Now 42, am a long-time eye-roller. It's like a knee-jerk reaction. I'd first look into whether the daughter is an HSC: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

Ric Dragon
Ric Dragon

Seriously, I say bring attention to it, and let her know it's hurtful. Otherwise it can become a tic.

April Byrd
April Byrd

Break out the belt!!

Angie Rapids
Angie Rapids

If it is being done in a manner of sassing and disrespect it comes with discipline doled out that might be an added chore or not being able to go or do something fun.