My dear body,

Sometimes I think I hate you. I want to hate you. I know that isn’t right and I know it shouldn’t be that way. There is no excuse for how I treated you. You have done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t be angry with you. I should be angry with myself. I am the one that made the decision to gorge the way I did. I don’t know why I thought it was okay to punish you for it. It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry. What I did to you Monday night was not okay. I realize that. I don’t know what happened. It all just happened so fast.

I realize that I hurt you. I could feel it as I gagged and jerked. You strained and ached and I know that you were telling me to stop. I should have listened. I can still feel it. I know that you can too. It’s like an awful reminder. I’m not sure what came over me and I’m so ashamed that I did that to you. I know I need to listen to you more.

We haven’t been very close since middle school really because that is when I started comparing you to other bodies. I think that is where our love/hate relationship began. I expect so much from you. I’m sorry. I know that you are unlike any other and that is what makes you special.

I won’t do that to you again body. I promise. Never again.

Love always because you’re mine,

Ashley