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Julie Klam grew up in Bedford, New York. After attending NYU's Tisch School of the Arts and interning at Late Night with David Letterman,...

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My Dogs Are Finally Housetrained

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I was a little late writing this essay -- I meant to do it a week ago, but was in the middle of moving from one apartment to another. The reason we were moving was because our apartment had become Manhattan’s answer to the Amityville Horror. It wasn’t haunted by poltergeists or ghosts, but instead by extremely bad plumbing and the occasional rat riding the elevator. Also, there was no gas, going on for some seven months, and there were drug dealers on the fourth and eighth floors. Though the walls hadn’t actually bled, we’d seen blood on them, as well as on the floors and in the elevator -- some sort of “stabbing incident” was the explanation we got.

yellow lab


The experiment of moving to a huge, beautiful, cheap apartment in a marginal neighborhood had failed miserably, and we had to admit defeat and go. We actually tried to move back to our former building, but in the two years since we’d left they’d instituted a “no dogs” policy. At the time, we had three dogs of our own plus a foster dog, so that wasn’t going to work.

I placed the foster in a great home and then found a dog-friendly building for the rest of us. Aside from it being in a very nice neighborhood, it was right next to Central Park. I do love trees, but more than that, I was hoping the proximity to the park would help me with something I’d never been able to do: housebreak my two “puppies.” Our older dog was broken, but the little ones (now three) had just been. I firmly believed they were suffering from some sort of genetic abnormality that caused them to not know the difference between grass and rug.

When we finally moved, we threw away everything that smelled of or had ever been peed on (because of one very incontinent earlier foster, this included our couch). In our spanking new home, with all new, clean stuff, I panicked. How would they ever get housebroken?

The first second they were in the apartment, the two younger dogs peed on my daughter’s new rug. (It’s black with pink skulls and really startlingly ugly.) I sprayed the spot with something promising to “STOP MARKING,” and then took the pair out. In fact, I took them out nine times that first day and ten times the following day. By the third day, miraculously, they were housebroken. Today, I even awarded them their two-week chips.

And I just can’t stop talking about it: Our dogs are housebroken. Our house doesn’t smell funky anymore. There are no pee spots anywhere. And there hasn’t been one accident, not a single one! I’m starting to wonder if they really were broken all along and that their peeing all over the place was just a commentary on the state of our old apartment. And, if that’s the case, that black rug with the pink skulls better watch out.


[Editor's Note: For more discussions, an excerpt or more on Julie Klam, head on over to Love at First Bark in BlogHer Book Club! -Rita]

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FarewellStranger 11 pts

That's awesome! I don't know how you lasted so long. We just moved and our dog wasn't happy, so he was peeing on the floor. 3 times - I can't imagine daily!

kemerselis 12 pts

Congrats on the Housetraining! Our dog was relatively easy but I hear that it is rare. Bell training saved our carpet!

jtsillini 5 pts

Congratulations!

At my parents' house - they have brand new couches, on which they place cardboard whenever it's unoccupied - because otherwise, our dogs would jump all over them with muddy paws. I laugh at the fact that we bought expensive nice couches that, 85% of the time, are covered by beautiful, glamorous cardboard squares.

I find, at the end of the day, no matter how hard we try, oftentimes our dogs rule the house, in one way or another.

Simply Heidi 6 pts

We adopted a six month old puppy from the pound a few weeks ago. I can't wait to say she's housetrained.

cmstacer 8 pts

Congratulations! That must feel so awesome to have your little furbabies all going outside where they are supposed to go. It sounds like everyone likes your new home much better. I'm so glad you moved. After reading your book I was so fearful for you in that scary building.

SweeterLemon 9 pts

Congratulations! I can't imagine how much harder it must be to housetrain dogs in the city. So glad to hear everything worked out!

julieklam 7 pts

Thank you all so much. I am always so afraid to read comments on anything I've written but the BlogHer community is lovely. Thanks everyone for not telling me what a jerk I am. xx

Barb H 6 pts

Congratulations! It's pretty amazing when they finally get it!

kapachino 6 pts

The reason my husband and I decided to buy a house instead of keep renting apartments was because we couldn't stand the idea of going up and down those stairs every time our dogs needed to go out. Kudos to you for braving it, and congratulations!

Indigo 8 pts

I'm very happy for you! I don't live in the city, so I can't imagine housebreaking dogs with your obstacles, but I was OCD about our dogs' pee-schedules until they were housebroken. :)

HeatherF 6 pts

I was wondering! I'm glad to hear it; congratulations!!

ewillse 12 pts

Congratulations! Hooray!

One thing I do love about the Internet age... it makes finding out What Happened After The Book so much easier!

Though... I kind of want to know about the pink rug... not sure I want one, exactly, but a pink rug with skulls on it??? Kind of sounds fabulous!

isaselby 6 pts

I agree! It's nice to know how the story continues :) ewillse

julieklam 7 pts

ewillse It is some sort of hideous man made fiber, but the good thing is it's rough so it pumices my feet.

ethanzachemma 7 pts

I feel that way about my four year old. :-)

Farmer Julie 5 pts

What a *relief* (pardon the pun :)

Perhaps your pups were picking up on your stress from living in your old apartment. It's amazing how intuitive animals can be. When our shelter kitty finally - reliably - started using the litter box, it felt like a weight had been lifted from the whole house.

Congrats ^..^

Conversation from Twitter

CindyZavaglia
CindyZavaglia

RT JulieKlam LastMomOnEarth My vet & his wife may be Julie's match, so Sat. I recommended "You Had Me..." and "Love at 1st Bark" to them.

JulieKlam
JulieKlam

kapachino thank you!!