My exhusband wants me back ?

It's been nearly four years since I discovered this man. We spent 10 years of our lives with one another, raising three children. We battled every obstacle related to marriage. I thought we'd never part. He was everything I wasn't. We balanced each other out. He was there when friends and family turned their backs on me. Not only was he talents in many areas he loved me. As for myself, I loved him the same,but I couldn't honor him in anyway with my behaviors. We managed to build a great family for ourselves, but in the mist was the double I lived outside the home. So really I am getting personal maybe I need to vent.  I was a train wreck the last four years of our relationship. I battled with infidelity, trust and drug addiction. I had lost all hope and was slowly committing sucide. Not to my surprise he stuck it out me. He was supportive in my efforts to get well. I managed to do so for short periods of time ,he was there to carry me threw. So it's 4 year's since we have been divorced, We share custody of our children and sometimes we hate each other. Recently to my surprise there was hope for us to be together again. In May conversation s has expressed how he misses our family, and wants us to be together. The truth is I ever don't deserve him. Despite the way I treated him he is still in love with me? I do ask myself why. I am fearful, I question my ability to commit and battle with addiction regular. Trust I m not able to fully give myself to this man at this time. I need to get well in every way. I need to love myself first before I can truly love him.

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