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Okay, so it's my first blog and already I'm overwhelmed by the vast number of tags I could chose from. I mean, come on if you're any kind of woman, like I am you could select all but about 5 of the ones given and they represent you some how!
I like to think of myself as a real woman. Not like the one's on the reality shows, "Real Housewives of NYC or Orange County or New Jersey" or wherever else they are from; but a real woman none the less. No, my life in no way mirrors theirs. My nails are not fresh manicured, my breasts are real and unfortunately so is the rest of my body. No liposuction here - although I would strongly consider it, if someone else is paying! I don't wear a pair of high-heels with every outfit and am completely satisfied running my errands in my yoga sandals (www.yogasandals.com). I suppose there really are women who live like that and I'm okay that I'm not one of them. Instead of planning my next party or husband, my life revolves around kids, husband, work and miscellaneous and not necessarily in that order. I have a massive online calendar that outlines my families lives. I'd like to say that it's neat and color-coded, but it's not. I do set the little reminders that email and let me know that I've already missed something. I print the calendars off monthly and then I scribble in events - sideways - sometimes in ink, sometines in pencil and on occasion in a crayon that I find laying on the counter. But at 41, I think I'm finally starting to figure out something...I can't fix everything and in reality, people don't need, want or expect to me fix everything. I think most women like to be fixers, at least I do. I think maybe, just maybe I'm starting to figure out who I am becoming...I use the word becoming because the very word of it means "to turn into, to develop into, to grow into" and right now, i'm definitely in a state of becoming. In the past couple of years, I have come to realize a few things, some of them are difficult to admit (even to myself) as a wife and a mom. difficult, because as women, especially my immediate circle of friends, women try to do too much - be everything to everybody and even though we may fail miserably in some areas, we don't want to own up to it. And the bad part is, what we fail at (or at least what I think I fail at) are the things that matter most. We don't want to say that our marriage isn't perfect or that our relationship with our own mother is at best tense. That at bedtime, in the lengh of time it takes for my heart to beat, my youngest child can turn me into Sybil (all 15 personalities at once) and how in the next beat when he reminds me that he didn't have his "bednight" snack, my heart melts at the sound of his little voice. No one told me that I'd feel guilty that maybe the oldest doesn't get the attention he deserves, because the youngest one is so demanding. I dont want to admit to my friends or my sister that once I had my children, I let my marriage go. And the really unthinkable, that the children really don't have to come first - at least not before God and your husband. So, I've been married almost 18 years - I'm 41, I have two boys - 8 & 6 and I'm struggling. Struggling to find a balance for my husband, boys and myself. Realizing it's all about deciding what's the most important and making that the priority.