My Friend Talked Smack Behind My Back
By Mouthy Housewives on July 10, 2013
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a dear friend who I’ve occasionally helped out financially when she was low on cash. For example, I’ve paid for her meals and drinks while we were out and about. Recently, she arranged an outing for our group of friends (a concert) and she paid in advance for all of us. I was unable to pay her back before the concert and let her know this (I proposed to pay her back within the next two weeks). All hell broke loose and she called everyone within our social circle to complain about what a bad a friend I was, and how my selfishness knew no bounds.
I am so upset by this, but I don’t know how to broach the subject with her, as I am non-confrontational by nature. I am mostly upset by her actions of involving all of our friends, something I have never done to her despite issues I may have had with her in the past.
What should I do?
Betrayed by a Friend
Credit: Jason Hargrove.
I know the saying is “Don’t shoot the messenger,” but in some cases, like this one for instance, I think the messenger(s) deserve at least a slap in the face (metaphorically, of course!). What was the point of your friends telling you about all this trash talk behind your back? So, for starters, phooey on them for starting trouble.
I get that you feel like it shouldn’t be a problem that you couldn’t pay for your tickets until a few weeks after the concert, especially since you have covered for her on occasion. But, perhaps your friend resents the implication that she “owed” you in some way because you had been generous with her when she was running low on funds.
Whatever the case may be, clearly she shares your resistance to confrontation, because otherwise she would have talked directly to you about whatever was bothering her. Someone in this friendship needs to woman-up and have a heart to heart conversation -- which does NOT have to be a confrontation. You are not on an episode of Real Housewives!
Being honest with a friend about hurt feelings is hard, and can make you feel really vulnerable. Invite your friend out for lunch and talk like big girls. You can do it!
Best of luck,
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