My Future Self is Pretty Darn Smart...
Some of the things are very silly, like the fact I haven't removed the old nail polish on my toes.
Some of the things are boring, like "What will I make for dinner tomorrow?"
Some of the things are serious, like "Am I a good momma?" I worry about this last one every day. I think many other people do.
Actually I know this because at least once every single day someone searches for something like, "Am I a good mother?" and clicks on my blog.
They do this because I wrote this post. They do this because they are like me. I have ways to deal with worry.
Some are good, some are not so good. Some, are simple and learned from a dear and lovely friend.
A very wise friend.
She was taking a life coach course and needed someone one night to practice some of the techniques she was learning. In all, I spent two evenings helping her with her course. But, in reality, she was helping me.
One session brought me back to writing, back to here, back to many things.
Another, put me in touch with a person I needed to talk to, to connect with, to listen to.
This person was my future self.
My friend asked me to imagine what different people would say to me about a problem I was having. I imagined what people like my mother, husband, sister, would say to me. Then, she asked me to imagine what my future self would say to me. As I imagined this scenario, I burst into tears.
I was worried about making decisions about my future, going to grad school, etc. When I looked into the eyes of this future self, wearing her brilliant blue dress and flouting her long, grey, wild hair, she looked back at me and said, "Don't worry about it."
It was so natural, so real. It happened so fast and automatically. I imagine the scene again and again. And, her/my words.
I hadn't thought about her in a long time, until tonight.
I had a bad day. I felt like I wasn't very patient with my kids and overall felt I was losing a bit of the grip I had on my life and my power over it. I think what she was trying to tell me was:
"You are a good person, Theresa. You make good choices, you make bad choices, you are not perfect. You will make mistakes, but so does everyone. You can't change things once they have happened. Everything will work out the way it works out. You can't control everything. You are enough. Why not enjoy the ride?"
I think about her now as I try soothe the day away and await the next. The clock has just changed and it is a new day already. I wonder what it will bring.
Bah, I'm not going to worry about it.