My Husband Won't Support My Dreams

I agree with Lisa.  is this about you 'outpacing' him financially, or doe she miss you dearly, and the idea that you are doing something so big without him make him sad?  When you talk to him is the first thing you say about your business, or do you stop to remind him you miss him too?  This is your relationship, your marriage, talk to HIM.  You can't fix this in a book, because your situation is unique to the two of you.  But also understand, talking about this over the phone, might not be something he wants to do.  Do you listen to him talk about his day, or are you just about yourself?

Men sometimes just don't respond the same way we do . Maybe it's not that he isn't supportive, he may just be resentful ( not of you ) but that he has to be away from his family. So when he calls you he may want you to tell him more about how much you miss him . When you talk about business maybe to him the translation is - she doesn't even care I'm gone. I know it sounds ridiculous but men really are so much different than we are. And they may seem like big bullies sometimes but usually that means that they are the ones feeling small. Just another viewpoint.

Sadly, You are not alone. However, I have just written a perfect book for you and I'll send it to you (Thank you for your military service.) My mission is to inspire one million women to be strong, capable and make their own dreams come true.

Pretendia: Smash The Glass Slipper And Awaken Your Best Self is an inspiring, smart, fun read which will sow you what to do. It also has over 120 book club questions that are thought provoking and fun.

Just send me a note with your address.

Husband will be jealous of you making it on your own. He probably hates to lose your undivided attention and maybe feels somewhat threatened. Hang in there- he will adjust. I am proud of you!!

As you can see, there are tons of possible reasons why your husband is doing this. He may not even realize he's doing what he's doing, so you have to talk to him. You are not a mind-reader and neither is he, and guessing just makes everything worse. Good luck with your venture!

It is so very sad when I hear about a husband not supporting his wife, his partner, his [best] friend. I like the advice you give here, Mouthy Housewives!

I am so proud to report that my hubby has always supported my dreams, and never given me any lip or waved his finger at me when they never came to fruition. We've been married now over 29 1/2 years, and it seems that the long we are together, the better we are getting along, the more we can read each others minds.

Now, while he works and I look for a "paying" job, he allows me the luxury to just sit at my computer and write my blogs. In return, he gets to sample all my creative recipes that I write for Examiner.com, and I as well allow him his indulgences, no matter how crazy they may seem to me. LOL!

It's not always easy getting a spouse to support you but if it's something in your heart that you must do and you follow it up with action and begin to do it, God willing they will come on board& support! I just blogged on getting motivated to follow your dreams and Kelcey is right find other like minded people& go for it! Motivational Monday ---> here: www.removeyourcape.com

I can understand where you are coming from. My husband had a hard time with me wanting to go to school because he was convinced that if I got an education that led to a good paying job that I wouldn't need him anymore. While my husband was deployed to Iraq I took matters into my own hands. Without his blessing I quit my job and enrolled into college full time to pursue a degree in IT. However I had the GI Bill to fall back on to make up for the lack of money that I wasn't getting from working. By the time it was all said and done I was getting more money for going to school than I was working.

Needless to say it did lead to a lot of arguing and heartache but in the end he realized that I still needed him but not for his money. I think your husband may be feeling the same way. He is feeling insecure about the situation. Either he will figure out that in the long run he will realize this will help both of you or he will never get his head out his butt. You have to follow your heart.

My question for you is why are you 1800 miles away from him? Is he in the reserves or national guard or is he full time active duty? If he is active duty then why did you not move with him when was sent to his new assignment. Training for deployments are usually 30 days. If he is full time active duty and you didn't move with him to his new assignment then that can add to the whole not being supportive issue with him. Being an Army wife is not easy by no stretch of the imagination.

It can disappointing when the ones you love aren't as gung-ho as you are. A friend shared this link with me, a post about how your loved ones want you to fail. It paints a different picture... but always follow your heart... if you never try, you'll never know.

http://ittybiz.com/why-your-loved-ones-want-you-to-fail

In helping midlife women to achieve dreams they have put on the back burner for years, in deference to husbands, families and paychecks, I often encounter this lack of support from spouses. The advice here is solid and should be the first taken. Tell him how important this is to you, tell him exactly how you want to receive encouragement from him - and by that, I mean very specifically. How do you want him to react, what are some things he can say? He may have to fake it 'til he makes it, but he'll eventually get the idea and start "ad-libbing".

I also encourage my clients to deal in the realities - what your circumstances truly are, not what you wish they were. If your husband in fact cannot support your efforts in the way you would like, don't depend on him for that kind of feedback. Look to other sources like family and friends. Yes, it would be nice if our husbands could be perfect and give us everything we need, but they (nor we) are ever perfect. Marriage means trade offs - so he's not the most exuberantly supportive guy, look to his other qualities that make your marriage satisfying.

Finally in respect for his situation and where he is, I suggest you refrain from posting news on facebook until he has heard it first. It's difficult, but turn the tables. He has expressed something that is important to him and you are not "hearing" him. You might be surprised - perhaps his lack of enthusiasm is more based in his feelings that he is not there to be a part of your life, he is being left out while you are creating new ventures - he may even feel somewhat envious that you are pursuing a dream while he is fulfilling a duty. We are all human, after all, and the psychological effects of military service should be considered.JudithAnnaka the MAD Goddess ~ Inspiring women to follow their own path in midlife and beyond.

I went through something very similar with my husband recently. A close girlfriend was able to help me see that my husband's primary driving goal is keeping our family solvent - a roof over our heads and food on the table. When he's worried about that, there is a little bit of a threat that my working on something new will take my energies away from supporting him in doing what is so important to him. When I asked him about it, I was also surprised to discover that he was nervous to be too enthusiastic about my endeavors in case they failed - he didn't want to prop me up to see me fall and deal with the emotional difficulty that would present. When I was able to talk to him about how much it hurt that I didn't feel supported, he came around and has since been much better about cheering me on. Good luck!

I always get in trouble when I expect my husband to be able to read my mind, even after 20 years!

And when he does try to read my mind from my facial expressions, he almost always gets it wrong.

Good advice--hope they work it out!