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Last month, Pamela Jeanne blogged a challenge and I very quickly agreed to accept her challenge. That's why I'm here today blogging about infertility.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out HOW to blog about infertility. I've done it before and I didn't want to do it "that way" again. I wanted to do it differently - better. But how? How can I, a woman who got pregnant every time she tried, the first time she tried, blog about infertility and blog it well?
I can give you facts, but I've done that. I can give you links to women who are blogging openly and honestly about infertility, but I've done that, too. (And, we've got Melissa doing that all of the time and doing it a lot better than I ever could because she's experienced these struggles herself.) So what can I do?
A couple of weeks into pondering this question, it hit me. I could blog my story...
Way back in the dark ages, 1982 to be exact, I decided I wanted to have a baby. This was long before internet and long before Taking Charge of Your Fertility was written. There were occasional articles in women's magazines about fertility and conception and some occasionally mentioned problems conceiving. But for the most part, infertility was invisible - much more invisible than it is today.
My aunt had never been able to become pregnant and had adopted but she lived far away and there weren't a lot of discussions about her infertility. As a kid, I never thought much about it.
As an adult woman who simply decided to get pregnant - it did not ever cross my mind that I might not be able to become pregnant. I simply went off the pill, had sex a few times and ... I was pregnant. I didn't chart my menstrual cycle, much less figure out which point in the month I might be fertile. That was work that I didn't need to do. Getting pregnant was just not that hard.
I was naive and I was self-centered and there was no excuse for it. And, I was lucky. I didn't acknowledge any of that, way back in 1982, and I should have.
"L" was my best friend during this time in my life. She was older than I was. She had a child who was in kindergarten. She'd gotten pregnant in high school, married the father and was still happily married. And, right about the time I decided I wanted to have a baby - she and her husband started to try.
She had mentioned at some point, in the early stages of our friendship that she had tried before and they had not gotten pregnant. She thought it was related to a thyroid problem. She had been treated for her thyroid problem and they had stopped trying. I remember asking her some vague questions about the thyroid problem and that was that.
When she started to "try" again, it never crossed my mind that she wouldn't get pregnant - but a year later, I had a baby - and she didn't.
"L" never talked about not getting pregnant. She never seemed sad or frustrated. She never seemed to me like she wanted to talk about it. She would mention going to the doctor but never gave any details and I didn't ask.
I was uncomfortable. I had a baby. She didn't. How come I was the lucky one? I felt guilty and I know that's not what she wanted, which is probably why she never talked much about her infertility. We just went on with our lives, that now included my daughter. We talked about Jenn and not the pregnancy that "L" was never had.
A few years later, "L" and her husband moved to the Philippines - oddly enough, we followed them six months later. I was pregnant again and she was adopting. Our babies were born just a few days apart and we still never talked about infertility.
I have a lot of regret about that. I would love a do-over. I would love a do-over knowing what I know now, about infertility. But, I can't have that do-over, life doesn't work
