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So, there I was, at some nameless coffee shop in Studio City, stalking celebrities sipping my big-gulp-sized no-foam octo-shot two-percent extra-hot white mocha latte when who should walk in but Hollywood TV sitcom writer extraordinaire: Russ Woody.
"Oh my God," I exclaimed, "you're Emmy and Golden Globe Award winner, Russ Woody!"
"Erm...", he said.
"I LOVE your work!" I said. Because that's what you should say to all Hollywood people who are "in the Biz" - not "You're Mad Dash: Underground Detective! I love you!" - never tell them you love them and never ask for their autograph. Just tell them that you love their work and then they'll ask you if they can buy you a coffee.
And here's another tip: always say YES. Even if you're still working on an octo-shot something-or-other, because then you can brag about it later. At ninety-seven verbal miles per hour.
If you didn't already know, Russ Woody has written for (and produced) such TV shows as Murphy Brown (which is how he got his Emmy), Cybill (which is how he got his Golden Globe), Becker, Mad About You, The Drew Carey Show and on and on - you can see it all on his imdb page. He attended high school in my hometown, Sacramento, California, graduating from Bella Vista High in 1974 (if any BV grads want to holla). During his college years, he worked on a show some of you SacTownies may remember called Weeknight, with Harry Martin.
Also? He babysat Stan Atkinson's kids.
I just happened to have finished his recently published novel, The Wheel of Nuldoid.
"Look!" I cried, yanking the novel out of my book bag. "I just happened to have finished your recently published novel, The Wheel of Nuldoid. Hib nobb del noid! Hib nobb del noid!" I may have giggled and unsuccessfully stifled a snort.
He gaped at me. Probably because he didn't remember me from the book signing I obsessed for weeks over had looked forward to. "We met at Time Tested Books in Sacramento. Remember? Remember?"
"I remember," he said, taking a step back.
I pulled out a chair. "Here, sit here with me. I'd love to interview you for my blog."
"Goats and underwear or something?"
"Oh my gosh!" I gushed. "You remember!" You can go ahead and gush. You just can't tell them you love them. Or ask for their autograph.
I looked up at him expectantly, offering up my best rendition of a winning Nanny Goats in Panties smile. His shoulders fell and he said, "Can I buy you a coffee?"
"YES." I said. See how that works?
So while he went to order our coffee, I whipped out my camera. Then I pulled out my handy-dandy digital voice recorder, (you know, just in case I run into a big-time celebrity that agrees to be interviewed for Nanny Goats in Panties), turned it on and barraged him for a couple of hours.
For all you parents of young adults out there, The Wheel of Nuldoid is a fantastic and funny story about a society of quarrelsome creatures who operate the the Wheel of Nuldoid at the center of the earth. The Wheel is responsible for the earth's rotation. A group of young humans stumble upon these creatures and find themselves on an adventure to the center of the earth with a crystal from the surface that is urgently needed to maintain the Wheel of Nuldoid.
Since the story is also one of political and cultural satire, adults can enjoy this book as much as kids. "You can write to kids," says Russ, "but if it's fairly honest in the structure of the comedy, it's funny to both. Like Charlie Chaplin's movies, I love them, my kids love them. I think you can write a lot smarter for kids than people think you can."
The Wheel of Nuldoid is self-published, partly on the advice of his agent and other writers. "You only get something like seven percent of the gross and you often have to pay for your own publicity and you get a pittance up front, unless you're a big name.
