My iPhone:An Homage to My Failed Relationships
Several months ago when I first started dating The Bad Boy, he got fed up with the Needtobreathe, David Gray, Ray LaMontagne mix that is forever playing in my car. He clicked through, settling on Atreyu and said "you can't complain, it's in your ipod, you liked it at one point in your life."
I laughed as he continued to click through and when he hit Metallica he gave me that you got to be kidding me look. I explained it was left over from the days of Matt and that I never took it out. He laughed and it was dropped.
I was clicking through my pod today on the way home from work, sick of the same mix that Bad Boy poo-pooed earlier. For whatever reason I thought back to that conversation and as I scrolled through my phone I realized just now much my iphone is a capsule for my failed relationships.
Jimmy Eat World from Tom. Silverchair from that guy I never was actually with, but spent a lot of time with following Matt. Metallica from Matt, the big love of my 20s so far. E-Street Concrete from The Bad Boy.
Outside of JEW and some Silverchair, the rest I could really flush and be content with. It's weird though how they all like live together in my iphone, my past follows me everywhere in some weird iphone, irony. You know?
They all live together in there but just like their music choices, each of them were completely different from the other. Ok, well they all may have been super tall (sans Silverchair), drummers or some sort of connection to the world of music and tattooed or in the process of being tattooed. I think it may have been Sasha or maybe it was Sara who exclaimed to me the other night during girl talk, "Katherine what is it with you and these tall guys that you just swoon over once you start talking music and tattoos? STOP! It clearly hasn't worked out for you yet!"
It was also strange to me that I realized this today. Last night I had a dream about Tom, Matt and the Bad Boy. They were all in my car and they had driven to the house that I grew up in. They pulled into the driveway and I was standing on the front lawn watching all of this and thinking it was weird. Tom barely spoke two words to me and was always off to the side. Matt was all over me, talking to me and like holding me and the I said to him, but where's Bad Boy and he told me that he was in the car. Then Bad Boy gets out and Matt steps aside as Bad Boy meekly walks over to me. We go upstairs to my childhood bedroom and I'm putting clothes away, both Matt and Tom are gone. I ask him why he did it, why would he do that to me? He backs away from me in the dark room , shaking his head. His eyes get all wide and then they turned brown and suddenly I was in the woods looking at a lake that I could see straight to the bottom of.
Now...that there is what we call an issue of some sort!
Maybe it's time to finally sit down and clean it out, because as the rest of my life is moving forward, my love life has been in neutral for awhile. It's easy to date and get a date, it's not easy to find someone to have a relationship with and work at it everyday. Maybe it's time to cut the metaphorical baggage my iphone brings along with me everywhere I go and get serious about finding someone to have in my life, for keeps!
Originally published on As We Write It