My Life as a (Sort of) Gainer: Are Gainer Blogs Unhealthy, or About Body Image?

Firstly, I'd like to be the 700,000th person to be grateful for finding this site. This is the fourth post in a week that has hit me like a ton of bricks. There are lines in all four of those posts that are so true that, if I didn't know better, I would have thought I'd written them.

Secondly, I started to write a comment about how I can relate to your relationship with food and money but it got so wordy and so emotional that I'll have to save it for "someday." I hope you don't still struggle with that full pantry. I work to not feel bad about an empty pantry and I work to not feel guilty about a full one. Ironically, becoming passionate about cooking has been my salvation. If not, I'd probably be a food hoarder and you'd know of me only from prime-time programming on TLC.

Very glad I found this post.

I've tried to lose weight and have and then gained it back. for me I know it is for emotional reasons. I think it is for everyone if you are too thin or overweight. It is good you gained the weight to be healthy just like it is good to lose weight to be healthy. But, if you can't lose weight then you should embrace yourself for who you are instead of hating on yourself.

I have had friends who had struggles gaining weight and were constantly given no support by those who were trying to lose it.
You'd think we'd all know that the grass isn't truly greener on the other side - issues with food are issues with food.

But there is a line, isn't there? The line between healthy & unhealthy. Pro-obesity isn't the same as Fat Acceptance. Just like Anorexia isn't the same as trying to lose weight.

Somewhere, somewhen, we'll figure it out as a society - but probably not until it becomes "medically easy" to opt into whatever weight is healthiest for you.

Lucretia (aka GeekMommy) Raising a child in a digital world, still a digital girl

Sadly, I think there are big problems in both directions (over and under weight), and I see it much more evidently now that I've spent time in places outside of the U.S. and then return to visit.

I'm happy you have found a good weight. I think we all have to figure that out for ourselves, and then how to maintain it.

You pose very good points... which maybe confuse me even more about how I feel about the "whole" subject (not just gainer blogs) in general.

Then again, I purposefully avoid weight loss blogs myself. *shrug* Fitness? How to run a 5K? Yoga tips? Sure. Straight weight loss? No.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

I have issues with the Wii but that's a whole other rant. ;-)

Thank goodness I knew you when I was trying to gain weight. You were one of the few people who really got it and made me feel normal.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

Look at the classic painters. They painted the most beautiful women of their time and they were seldom thin. Curvy and yes, even fat by our current standards.

When France was settling Quebec (or New France as it was called at the time) they sent over women to be wives for the settlers - les Filles du Roi. The most desirable wives were larger women, though it must be said it wasn't purely a beauty standard. Larger women were thought to be more healthy and more likely to survive the harsh conditions, not to mention childbirth.

Thinness as the definition of beauty is a relatively recent societal construct but it's become so ingrained in our collective psyche that the idea of someone rejecting thinness as the ideal body totally throws us.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

I was quite comfortable with my desire to want to gain weight. It was the right thing for my body. It was other people's discomfort and reactions that were the hard part. It gets tiring when you have to defend yourself for making choices for your own body because they go against the norm.

You've met me. I'm still thin by society's standards. Try imagining me with 25 less pounds on my frame.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

I could find medical advice as to the number of calories I should be eating to gain weight, but not the types of healthy food that I could be eating to get there. I also didn't want to load up on junk or huge portions.

And I'm really sorry about the force feeding. I've done it and it SUCKS.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

When you're obese, your weight is generally tied to your emotional well-being. A large portion of obese men and women are such because of the relationship they have with food. Food is an emotional crutch, meaning the worse you feel about yourself the more you eat. When you're obese, being called gross, not being able to find clothes in your size, and general negativity towards your weight is going to make you hate yourself and your body. To make yourself feel better? You may try to starve yourself for a few days or weeks, but in the end, you're going to eat to feel comfort and solace.

The "fat acceptance" movement is trying to counteract this cycle--it's trying to give obese people a little self-worth. That self-worth goes a long way--the more you like yourself, the less depressed and sad you get, the more you get out into the world and do things, like taking care of yourself. The last thing obese people need is to be pushed down into a hole and made to feel like they're worthless and shouldn't even bother.

So, from personal experience, I say bring on "fat acceptance"--I know if I wouldn't have been made to feel icky half the time my weight wouldn't have become the problem it did. Also, not hating myself "as is" makes me want to be better--if that makes any sense.

Edit: And I did read your blog--I certainly don't condone believing that fat is healthy. I condone the societal acceptance and self-worth aspects of the movement. The people who think they shouldn't lose weight are kind of delusional and probably don't actually like themselves much.

S.

Sarcasm, law, and a whole lot of food: The Baking Barrister ( http://bakingbarrister.com )

This is--quite literally--the first I've heard of gainer blogs. The idea of gaining weight because you need to gain weight for health is obviously a familiar concept, but the idea of gaining for beauty's sake is entirely new to me. And I will be thinking about this post all night.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

for sharing this. While your exact goal for gaining weight might be different then other gainers, I understand that there would be a common discomfort is saying that you are trying to gain weight. We are told that thin is better and so it can be hard to understand when people say that they are trying to gain weight.

Brie @ Capital Mom

http://capitalmom.blogspot.com/

I had a horrible time gaining weight while pregnant. Most people have no trouble gaining the recommended 25 to 35 lbs (and often more), but I had to force feed myself to keep the numbers on the scale going up instead of going down as my pregnancy progressed.

I spent a lot of time online looking for calorie dense nutritional options. I didn't want to just stuff myself with junk food all the time, knowing that wouldn't be the best for the baby either.

"Gainer blogs" might have helped me then to find ideas on foods to eat to gain weight.

PhD in Parenting - http://phdinparenting.com ( http://phdinparenting.com/ )

Been there (with Sassymonkey and Margaret's sister), done that and it's a horrible place to be.

I have gained a good bit in the last couple of years (the wii actually told me I was overweight awhile back! yay me!) and I'm pretty sure that it's here to stay. I'm thrilled with that.

And as someone who spent years trying to gain and being given a hard time about it, I do appreciate gainer blogs and gainer communities.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

It really is.

The thing is, in my view, that someone losing weight doesn't even have to go as far as a pro-anorexia mindset to delve into the unhealthy type weight loss arena. How many women do you know starve themselves leading up to a major event in order to fit into a dress? Or who do a cleanse without a doctor's supervision? Or take a laxative when they don't need to in order to shed a few extra pounds? Long term those behaviours can be dangerous but they are fairly common so we don't see them as that way.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

This post brings up a lot in my head that I can't quite put in words. I do know that I draw a line with weight loss blogs when they delve into the unhealthy, "thinspiration," pro-anorexia type mindset. I don't know what the equivalent would be on a gainer blog, but I wouldn't support that mindset either. The healthy in-betweens? Go for it.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

That needs to be on a bumper sticker.

My sympathy to your sister. I find the pounds hard to put back on after really stressful periods. Stress is evil.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

My weight gain and gainers in that we were both going against the societal norm. While our desired outcomes were not the same, in my experiences, the initial reaction to telling anyone I was trying to gain weight was of outright rejection (oh, why on earth would you do that?) and sometimes even revulsion. In my experience even someone who is purposely gaining weight within the limits of the societal norm can get labeled a freak.

I believe that our society equates thinness with healthiness and it's not always the case. When I was scary thin I certainly wasn't healthy, yet my body shape and size were considered very desirable.

Even today at a healthy weight (and yes, I'll admit it I'm still thin by just about anyone's standards) I'm not "fit." I know many people who don't look the same way I do, ie would not be considered thin, that are far more physically fit than I am.

Gainers may be doing something that is detrimental to their health, but so do some people who are trying to lose weight. Crash diets, diet pills, very restrictive eating - those aren't good for our bodies.

In our society we've been trained to think that thin (or the attempt to be so) is healthy and good while fat is unhealthy and bad. The gainers I read online indicate that they know what they are doing may not and often is not good for their health but the end result is their personal idea of what an ideal body. People who lose weight have their own ideas of an ideal body and the means by which they go about obtaining it and the body they may get in the end aren't always healthy either.

Purposely losing or gaining weight is part of the same spectrum. If we accept the premise that gainers are doing wrong to their bodies we must also accept the reality that some of those losing weight are also. Neither side can hold claim to all the goodness or badness.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

One of my sisters is similar to you, Sassy, in that stress = pounds just falling off. She's a slender woman to begin with, so when my mother was dying, my sis was dropping pounds at a pace that was unhealthy.

Healthy doesn't have a size or a specific physique. Period. Though everyone has their own reasons for being a 'gainer' or a 'loser' for that matter, there is a comfort in finding a community that understands at least some of what one might be going through.

Thanks for sharing this--

~Margaret

Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com )

...between gaining weight to become healthy and gaining out of the sheer idea of gaining weight, and the blogs that tout "fat acceptance."

Gaining weight for your health is one thing and nothing that you should be ashamed of.

As a morbidly obese woman who has literally been put through hell by a society that sees me as less than because I am more than considered ideal, you would think I'd be all over the "fat acceptance" blogs. I'm not. And the irony of that is the fact that I have two girls, one just stepping into her twenties, and another, who is 4 - and I only want for them to have healthy body images and to be healthy and not try and fit into the stereotype that society says they have to - however, I'm fighting desperately to keep them from walking down the horrible road I have, because of my weight.

I'm not OK with fat acceptance blogs the general fat acceptance movement because I know first hand how detrimental it is to be obese.

I think I articulated myself much better in a recent post I wrote about the subject.

http://www.iambarkingmad.com/spotted_dick_and_othe... ( http://www.iambarkingmad.com/spotted_dick_and_othe... )

The obese are discriminated against openly in this country. We're the last people where it's still considered "politically correct" to mock and demean. I do understand that very thin people face that some of the same issues, but not to the degree the obese do.

It's really hard for me to see any merit at all in someone who is gaining weight to intentionally become obese, or an obese/morbidly obese person not wanting to do anything to become healthy. I'm not talking about "thin" or having a perfect body...I'm talking about becoming healthy.

The thing about "Big Fat Blog" which is insanely ironic is that they will NOT allow you to be part of their community if you are actively trying to become healthy and lose weight. I found there "rules" when applying to become a "member" ironic and hysterical all at once...and I felt snubbed too. I'm shunned from the thin beautiful people because I am not one of them and I'm shunned from the "fat acceptance" people because I don't want to remain one of them!

You gained for health reasons, however a lot of the "gainers" are not doing the same and I am having a really hard time trying to agree with the parallel that you've tried to draw between yourself and the gainer community at large...no pun intended.