Coming Clean About Spending With My Husband


My therapist told me that the only way to saner behavior around shopping was to stop hiding it. I begged, "Can't I just stop going to the stores?" Glancing at my Nordstrom Rack bag, he answered, "Doesn't look like it."

I vowed to be honest with Jeff about my “secret” spending, knowing that it might be the only road to the kind of honest relationship I want.

spending shopping hero

image via

I kept my word and had an incredible conversation with Jeff. We both revealed hidden facets of our thoughts about spending: I told him about my secrets and guilt. In turn, Jeff explained that he does not object to shopping per se, though he admitted he detests the idea of wasteful spending. We both agreed that my compulsion to hide purchases was not the healthiest behavior.

Since my disclosure, I have felt closer to Jeff and saner around spending. I’ve only had one relapse trip to Nordstrom Rack, where I bought a work-out t-shirt. I’m not exactly hiding it from Jeff, but I haven’t shown it to him, either. Some habits are hard to break.

Have you ever hidden purchases from your partner? If so, do you eventually disclose them or do you operate in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” system? Do you feel guilty about your spending because you are not the breadwinner?



Christie O. Tate,


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