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I recently got married... but this post isn't about my wedding. It is about the question that I've gotten after the celebratory remarks like, "Congratulations! You looked so beautiful!"... and that question is,
"So, are you changing your name?"
No. I am not.
This usually leads to more questions, some unspoken: Why not? You can always hyphenate! What will you name your kids? And (silently) are you a radical feminist?! How does your husband feel about this? Can we still be friends?
Photo by Ariane Hunter Photography.
Once in a while, I get a reaction like: "Oh, I didn't change my name either, until we had children. You'll see..." or "Well, I kept my maiden name professionally, but I am known as Mrs. ____ in my personal life."
That's great, Ms. Maiden Name at-work and Mrs. ___ at-home, but I am still keeping my name. Yes, let's still be friends.
In the Chinese culture, women have always kept their maiden name rather than adopting their husband's (see Wikipedia). That is just how we do. It is only here in the U.S. that we see interesting hyphenations like Chan-Wong or middle name combinations like Lem Lim. Historically, a woman kept her name and even in mainland China today, they still do.
Then there's the notion of branding. I have been Sharon Lee all my life and that has some value -- professionally and socially. Okay, so Kim Kardashian is worth a heck of a lot more money than me and she is now Mrs. Humphries, but she also made a sex tape and I'm not doing that either. Anyway, I digress.
Like a true B-School Babe, I did some research before making my decision. The Huffington Post cites a survey done by wedding webiste TheKnot in March 2011:
86% of women took their husband's name last year.
The practice of women keeping their last name was introduced by suffragist Lucy Stone in 1850's and was widely adopted in the 1920's. Since then, the percentage of women in the U.S. keeping their names peaked at 23% in the 1990s. Now, we're down to 14% in 2010.
Why do women change their names and how did that custom begin? What I found was not surprising -- the practice of a why a bride changes her name originated from The Bible.
There is a passage in Genesis about God's creation of Eve from Adam's rib, so she is a part of him. Through marriage, they are united as one flesh. The shared last name honors this oneness. Okay, I can get down with the idea that marriage unites two people... but does that mean I started off as a rib and not a whole human being? I would like to think that I am more than a rib.
Then there's the historical purpose of last names as a legal representation of property and wealth. By taking her husband's name, a woman became "property" of her husband. He in turn provided for her financially, physically and socially. However, women were not allowed to own property themselves - so taking on a man's last name gave her social status while he was alive, but did not entitle her to half of anything in his absence. In those days, Anna Nicole Smith would have been SOL after hubby died.
But the real reason I decided to keep my name was a fascinating article that my friend had sent to me from a site called Brokelyn: Getting Hitched? Changing Your Name Could Cost You $500K
The article discusses a study that was conducted in the Netherlands about the perception of women who kept their maiden names vs. ones who adopted their husband's last name.
The study even put a dollar amount on how much more a maiden-named dame stands to make: $1,172.35 more per month. Over a lifetime, that could add up to $500,000 or more.
In all of my research, I did not find a more compelling reason: $500K and the chance to keep my identity, the name that was given to me by my parents and the signature that I had worked so hard on perfecting in the 4th grade. I'll take it. Plus, I got the husband too.
To view the original blog and other related posts, please visit: B-School Babe
