My OCD Realization

I was laying in bed late one night watching TV and a show came on about people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  The one thing I remember from the show was there was a woman trying to leave her car in a parking lot but she kept going back to check to make sure she locked her doors.  While I was watching this show was one of the first times that I truly realized for myself that I wasn't just a worrier or a germ-a-phobe.  I really did have OCD.

I could relate so much to that woman from the show.  One time when I was little, my mom took us to eat at a Friendly's.  Halfway through our meal, my mom looked out the window and saw that one of us had left the door wide open on the car.  I'm not sure if it was me or my sister and I don't know why it took 10 years for this event to affect me.  But I remember my mom being upset with us that the door was left open.  After I really started struggling with OCD, that was one of my fears.  That I would go in somewhere and leave one of my car doors wide open.  I would walk around the car looking at all the doors.  I would hit the lock button then go around and try the doors to make sure they were in fact locked. 

I remember one time in particular, I went to see a movie.  I looked back and checked my door to make sure it was shut.  I think I even looked twice.  But I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling through out the whole movie that I left my car door wide open.  I was so distracted and desperately wanted to go back and check the car again, but I was on a date and didn't want to seem crazy.  It's funny I don't remember much of the movie but I remember sitting in the theater trying to remember closing the door.  Trying to picture it in my head so that I would know for sure that I did indeed close the door and everything would be fine.


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