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One would think that when going to the Academy Awards, two cameras and an iPhone would be enough.
Tragically, one would be wrong.
Full Disclosure: I did not get a picture of Matt Damon or Meryl Streep because they had the audacity to show up after I'd taken 75 pictures of Mary Hart and Ryan Seacrest because they were all we had for hours while we baked in the sun on aluminum bleachers and then my batteries died. All of them.
Moving on! Because I'm not bitter. Much.
I've just returned from the Oscars and am now in bed with my multiple cameras downloading over 500 photos for your viewing pleasure. It'll be like you were there! Except you got to sit on your butt and eat taquitos!
Meanwhile all I got was this...
This is my friend, George. Maybe you've heard of him?
And now, without further ado I present you with The Awards Within The Academy Awards.
Worst Dress(ed) Celeb
Not only was Charlize Theron's dress a big hell to the no, but she wasn't all that friendly either. I cannot imagine why not since we were all screaming her name like stalker lunatics.
Celeb Who Gave Me My Most Starstruck Moment
Sarah Jessica Parker. Or as I like to call her because I tend to blur reality and fiction pretty convincingly, Carrie.
Friendliest Celeb
Tina Fey BY FAR. She was so awesome you could just tell she wanted to run up into the bleachers and share a diet Coke with us.
Celeb I Like But Am Still Confused Why
Ryan Seacrest or as I call him now, BATTERY KILLER.
Celeb I Seriously Considered Rushing
Sam Worthington. Those cheeks need pinching, that's all I know.
Celeb That Made Me Think "Why Even Try?"
Penelope Cruz is absolutely stunning. But you probably knew that. Be glad you don't know it AS WELL AS I NOW DO.
Celeb I Couldn't Wait To Tell My Husband About
Quentin Tarantino in the house!
Celeb I Couldn't Wait To Tell My 8-year-old About
Miley Cyrus
In this category we have a tie, with the award also going to yummy Zac Efron. (Can I call him yummy? Is that weird? ...Or illegal?)
Look at that lady behind him. She's totally thinking the same thing you are. Knock it off, both of you.
Celeb Who Is Probably Kicking Herself Right Now For Not Thanking Her Husband In Her Acceptance Speech
Oscar Winner (!) Sandra Bullock>
Celeb Most Likely To Fit In Your Purse
Nicole Richie. Two words: Sand Wich.
Celeb Who Clearly Already Knew She Was an Oscar Winner
Mo'Nique. I think she's telling Penelope Cruz she may as well go home now.
Celeb Who Made Me Feel Super Nostalgic (and Also Consider Going Red)
Molly Ringwald. She was there to do a John Hughes tribute and can I just say? She got more love from the Bleacher Fans than most of the A-Listers. Take that, Charlize. Also? Well done on the Plus One, Molly.
Celeb Who Most Probably Had a Pre-Oscar Cocktail
Mariah Carey. I think she's in mid-sway here.
Biggest Display of Girl Star Power
Oscar nominees Penelope Cruz, Vera Farmiga, and Anna Kendrick. (Meryl Streep was steps away as well. Can you just take my word for it? Damn Ryan Seacrest!)
Celeb Who Made It Most Awkward With His Attempts To Get My Attention
Seriously, Ryan Reynolds. Try to control yourself next year.
Non-Celeb Blogger Who Just Had One of the Most Amazing Experiences of Her Life
I win!
Overall, today was so surreal and overwhelming that I now need to climb under the covers for the next week while devising a plan to 1) become famous and 2) reduce my pores. In that order.
~ Lena Lotsey
Read me: www.thecheekylotus.com
Tweet me: @cheekylotus
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