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I'm a writer, photographer and author living in the Houston area. You can see my work at Chookooloonks.And you can buy my book, The Beauty of Differe...
 
 
 
 

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My paranoia rears its ugly head: choosing a babysitter

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My husband and I became parents through adoption:  we brought our daughter Alex home as a newborn from the hospital.  However, unlike most parents who have the luxury of some paid maternity or paternity leave when they bring home their little ones, the company we both worked for didn't give maternity leave to adoptive parents.  Therefore our need for a babysitter came fast and furious:  after two weeks of vacation time off, we both had to go right back to work.

Needless to say, we were pretty picky when it came to finding a babysitter for our 2 week old daughter -- after all, we still didn't know exactly what we were doing!  We decided to forego finding a babysitter simply by word-of-mouth, and instead went directly to one of the best-reputed nanny placement companies in Houston, one that did complete background checks, required CPR certification and came with extensive recommendations.  After interview three candidates, we settled on M -- even despite the fact that she requested permission to bring her pre-teen daughter to work with her.  My instincts just told me she was the right one.

My instincts were never more spot-on:  M was amazing with Alex; even more happily, her daughter T was fantastic with her as well, since she'd grown up around her mother's work.  It was like having 1-1/2 nannies in one, and not only did M because a trusted nanny, but in many ways, she helped teach me a lot about motherhood.  

Eventually, we didn't require a nanny, but M continued to be our go-to babysitter until Alex was 4, for the occasional date nights my husband and I would enjoy.  Sadly, however, about a year ago, M moved too far away for it to be worth the long commute into town to babysit.

And then, my husband and I found ourselves without a babysitter.  Worse:  we discovered we'd been seriously spoiled.

After having such an amazing person care for Alex for so long, the thought of bringing in a teenager to do the same job seemed unthinkable, even though now Alex was a very easy-going preschooler instead of a helpless infant, and a teenager would probably be very capable to do the job (after all, I started babysitting when I was 12!).  When I finally decided that I was being silly, that I should go ahead and take up a neighbourhood kid on his offer to babysit, about a week before the scheduled date, something happened which made me think that perhaps he didn't quite have maturity to take care of a 4-year-old.  We ended up canceling his services.  And my paranoia increased tenfold.

Eventually, we ended up finding another babysitting service, who recommended L -- a mom herself, of, coincidentally, a preschool girl named Alex.  And while L is no M, she's very good with Alex, and Alex loves her. And better still, Marcus and I can go out again every couple of months or so.

How about you: how did you choose a babysitter (read: am I the only paranoid parent out there)?

 

Karen is a writer and a photographer in Houston, Texas.  You can read and see more of her work at Chookooloonks.

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Suzanne 5 pts

OK, I apologize upfront for my comment because it is annoyingly nitpicky, but please, please, please do not call full-time, trained caregivers "babysitters!" I worked on child care policy for many years, and it pains me to see a woman like M who works full time offering care to children given the same title as a random teenage kid who comes in for a few hours to keep an eye on children while parents have a night out. I think it is very much part of the reason that child care providers are paid so little in this country - we sort of lump them in with people who don't need the same level of training and skill to do their job competently. (The only thing I hate more is when people refer to fathers as babysitters, as though they don't have the same level of responsibility as mothers do for raising and caring for kids - they just sub once in a while to make sure the kid doesn't hurt himself while Mom is out.)

We need both babysitters and child care providers in our society, and both are valuable. Both should be selected with care. (You are not paranoid to want your kid safe and healthy!) But they are different, and should be recognized accordingly.

(sheepishly stepping off soap box...)

Suzanne Reisman ( http://www.blogher.com/member/suzanne-reisman ), Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender ( http://blogher.org/topic/feminism-gender )
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants ( http://cussandotherrants.com/ )

BloomingMommy 5 pts

I had to scramble to find a new sitter to watch My Little Man right when my maternity leave was ending, due to a friend pulling out last second. After failed searches on multiple paid online nanny sites I finally looked on CraigsList, and hit the jackpot.

I found another mommy who was looking to quit her job and stay home with her daughter (same age as MLM), but wanted to pick up some extra money nannying.She's been watching MLM for over a year now, and it has turned into a wonderful situation. I too had a really good feeling when we first met. But I was still ultra-paranoid for the first six months. Over time, my fears have subsided, but occassionally, they creep back in. 

Worrying comes with the territory of motherhood. We just have to keep our crazy thoughts in check from time to time.

BloomingMommy

http://bloomingmommy.blogspot.com/

babybeatnik 5 pts

I don't think it's paranoia. As for me, aside from family the only people I've allowed to watch my daughter have been very close friends - most of whom have kids and I know that they will be good to my daughter. My friends who have watched her that aren't parents have only watched her for short periods of time - like if we're visiting them and I need to run a quick errand or go pick up some take-out.

Gracie was in day care for a while and the woman who ran the home-based day care was AWESOME. I absolutely loved her! But over Christmas break her 13 year old son got caught by the police experimenting with pot and got her license taken from her. :( I just found out though that she is now teaching Pre-K at the school Gracie is getting ready to start going to! I hope Gracie gets in her class!

Anyway, if caring for your children's safety is being paranoid, bring on the psych ward! 

ShoreBookworm 5 pts

Ladies, don't belittle your good parenting!  There is a big difference between paranoia and prudence!

Of course you want to be careful about who you have care for your precious child when you are not there.  That is our job.  Paranoia implies an unhealthy obsession with safety.  You are demonstrating appropriate concern and good judgment, a much different thing.

We always had family or word-of-mouth teenagers.  My boys (now grown men) were...ahem...a handful, so I had to take extra precautions to make sure whoever I left them with was up to their antics.

It is our responsibility as parents to vet whoever we have as a babysitter.  That is certainly nothing to be casual, or apologetic, about.  You should be proud of your well warranted caution.

 Marie

www.nourishourselves.blogspot.com ( http://www.nourishourselves.blogspot.com )

www.theshorebookworm.blogspot.com ( http://www.theshorebookworm.blogspot.com )

mysailorsmistress 5 pts

I am not sure that this will ease ANYONES fears... I am just as bad. Maybe worse. 

My sitters have been friends or neighbors. My sitter now is 17 and she seems 27 (my age). My kids LOVE her. However, even will all of that I can not leave my kids longer than 3 hours. My husband KNOWS that if we go out it will usually only be a wonderful dinner and MAYBE yogurt afterwards. 

You see I am a Navy wife, If I want any kind of sanity or realtionship I need to have this with my husband. There comes a point where you know your kids are old enough and sleep through the night that doing this is okay. Am I ALWAYS okay. NOPE!

They are OUR children, OUR pride and joy. I think it is a natural reaction to feel that way and react certain ways. I also think it is good for our relationship with our SO to be able to get out for how ever many hours you can manage. 

Jennifer

www.mysailorsmistress.net ( http://www.mysailorsmistress.net )

Holly Suso 5 pts

I LOVE this because I had the same question of was I too paranoid. Because I didn't want to rush into finding a babysitter, my mother drove four hundred miles to stay for a month and help me through the selection process. We settled on in my opinion the best possible child care possible. It's a Montessori preschool near my home that takes FABULOUS care of my son. Additionally, they make sure he is well ahead of being kindergarten ready and they are excellent with dealing with his highly emotional, sometimes downright baffeling personality. Every day is filled with an Isaiah (my son) story that makes me laugh my butt off. 

Sadly, I've lost my job and will have to head south to San Diego to hunker down with my mom until the economy picks up. Though it will be wonderful to have my son near his grandmother, we will again have to go through the selection process to find someone to watch my rambunctious, questioning, strong willed preschooler during the day.

Love and Blessings,

Holly S.

http://mymompreneur.com

AmberS 5 pts

You are not the only paranoid parent. My preschooler attends daycare, and has for years. But our only babysitters outside of daycare are her grandparents.

I was babysitting from the time I was 12, too. And while I think I did a fine job, I also think that a young teenager just doesn't have adult judgment. Some of the decisions I made in the moment weren't what I would call great. Plus, I don't know any teenagers from the neighbourhood or really at all, and I would prefer to choose someone I'm familiar with.

So I'm sticking with the grandparents. I may be paranoid, but I'm cool with that.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )